the jackson five doing “i’ll be there” accapella

wanna know why?

because people secretly love love songs.

also because it reminds them of a time when midget kids could fucking sing,

mylie

i was given a car to drive to coachella

i may have told you about it.

nizzan 350z.

and because the Lord loves me i was also hooked up with a bunch of cool folk from frisco, all web folk, who had a killer pad in La Quinta.

and because of the matt good + raymi + duane + oh canada + blogging community, i got to know ms suzie reynolds who flew to cali to rock out in the desert with me, as i wrote about the concert.

today the LA Times’ auto blog Up To Speed, published my review of the 350Z.

at first i did all the things that i was trained to do: keep it about the car, write about the features, explain the benefits, be critical, dont write about myself. but my editor Joni said, “yo tony, hate to say it, but this is going to be a series About the people and how the cars fit into Their lifestyle. so tell us about the concert and the girl and your experience. write about you. you have a great life, one that people would drool over, so tell them how that car fit into it. anyone can write about cars in a vaccum, so tell us about this car in a different way.”

so if you go here, you will see what i wrote, the way she wanted it. it was awkward doing it, but sorta easy once i got rolling.

the first is ms danielle d’smelly (pictured, above left, with lowercase carmen). soon to be mrs. chad goomar.

smelly and the busblog go way back. at least three years ago to 2005 when she asked me a question during one of the Ask Tony deals. actually it was so long ago that im not even sure we were officially calling it that back then.

anyways smelly has always been one of my favorite bloggers because she really gets down to blogging all the time, about whatever, includes lots of pics, shows us what its like for a twentysomething to live with her parents, while going to school, while working hard, while watching puck, while waltzing around vancity, while pouring wine for old italians in church, while doing her damn thing, and now while she prepares to get hitched to an old man in a condo.

i first met danielle at a matt good show in bc and she was far prettier in real life than in her pics. she was also way more into matt than i ever expected and somehow i got my hands on an extra backstage pass and i was able to give it to her and we went up into his dressing room and partied with him and all was good in the hood.

i have nothing but high hopes for the chadwick/smelly union and im sure they will produce a litter of it-als that all of canada can be proud of.

the other birthday girl today is ms mae ko of detroit michigan.

i met our lovely lass two years ago when i traveled around america and canada in my little blue hoopty. and like pretty much everyone i met, she was a gazillion times hotter in her pics than in real life. which was devistating.

maeko also made her first appearance on the busblog in 2005 when i used this picture of her dancing in her room after i emailed her saying hi.

back in the day i had that sort of effect on the ladies.

no more, sadly.

sigh.

more tragedy, fellas, she is happily settled down a man who must be something special because he got her to move from san diego to the motor city and stay there. for years.

over the years she has tried to set me up with one of her hot asian supermodel friends after another but none of them compares 2 her, even though they try, oh do they try.

back when i ran LAist, maeko covered project runway for us and proved that one didnt have to live in LA to be a part of our fine city-based blog.

meeting her in detroit was a joy. we ate at this fancy restaurant, she was hilarious, but she had to run back to work superfast because she worked for a demonboss who is no longer in her life.

her blog is always stylishly designed and the insights are sweet. she rules.

happy birthday to both of todays lovely ladies. tauruses forever.

top photo by moi, pic of maeko via maeko.org

said she couldnt sleep cuz she was so upset about Eight Belles
the second place finisher of the Kentucky Derby who broke her front legs
minutes after the race and had to be killed on the spot
i didnt want the cougar to come over,
but i did want pie.
so i said what sorta pie are we gonna eat.
she said four and twenty blackbirds, got milk?

and i thought, see, thats almost exactly why i dont want you coming over
either what you have to say is super corny, or not at all sexy,
or just gross. the girls not supposed to be gross, the boy is.

her hair was frosted, her nails did, heels that clacked around my hard wood
sounds these walls hardly ever heard. smells. creeks.

legend has it that someone got murdered in this hollywood apartment
i tolder. meth heads or wiccians
or worse.
she said how do you know this.
i said the old lady who rented me this place a long time ago
esped it to me.
i had no job, i had bad credit, i had no money.
still she rented it to me because she liked my eyes, she said.

so me and the cougar in the middle of the night sat across from each other
ate the four and twenty blackbirds and drank wine.
everything was disgusting.
but i tried out of respect for Eight Belles, who was younger than the wine.

cougar tried to do stuff to me but i squirmed around half cuz i didnt wanna
half cuz only a few people really know how sensitive i am
and half cuz i couldnt stop thinking how she still hadnt been tested yet.

cougars got esp too and said why is getting tested so important to you
i said whys not getting tested so important to you?

so we slept all tangled and i dreamed.
i fucking hate dreams more than blackbird pie.
dreams are lies whispered to you at your most vulnerable.

i dreamed i was eating pie with Eight Belles.
and drinking tea. cougar tea.
and Eight Belles was saying, you know Peta wants that jockey to be suspended.
and i dont blame em.
i said but didnt you wanna run?
the philly said yea, fuck i WAS running.
i said then whattya bitchin about?
EB was all tony you know how some women dont like their hair pulled
and some women cant have it pulled enough?
horses are the same way.
everyone is so unique.
just cuz we might look similar.
just cuz we might even smell the same.
when it comes to something as serious as the kentucky derby
or as subtle as a sexual relationship
it wouldnt hurt if you did just the slightest bit of research
to find out what makes us babes different from each other.

and then she put down her tea
grew an alicorn out of her forehead
and flew off down sunset.