lost a bet and had to watch the bachelorette finale last night

the girl is cute, the dude had dimples and looked good in a tight jacket

so why not get married!

because you met on TV!

crazy thing is people try to stick together for dumber reasons even when theyre not on tv.

everyone knows of couples who either fight all the time or dont talk or who sleep in separate bedrooms

when i was an ice cream man guy in college i dated a girl whose mom would go to the library on mondays, stock up on books, and read all night on the downstairs couch and fall asleep there so she wouldnt have to sleep with her husband.

why were they still together? the kids were teens and knew of their parents unhappiness and would have been happier if their parents moved on with their lives. but it never happened. why?

people hate change. they hate it more than they hate the bleh that is their love life. they hate it so much they convince themselves that the dark period of being alone will be such a devastating valley that they refuse to walk into the sunshine that their rational mind knows is right ahead of them.

the devil you know conundrum in full effect.

this sweet sweet woman with beautiful daughters did not realize that her actions and library books were effecting her offspring in lifechanging ways. those girls grew up with a skewed perspective of what is possible with love and did some dramatic and unwise things as young women including dating ice cream men and marrying far too young because they figured “if love is so hard to find, and if real love is nearly impossible, then grab on to Whatever asap and hang on tight.”

im no expert on love. or the human condition. or other people’s love lives. but i am an expert of change.

i too despise what theyre slowly doing to my beloved Wrigley Field. i hate when businesses i once frequented are replaced. the Jungian psychology of being comfortable with “knowing” in my minds eye that a building is going to be around the corner with a familiar sign is destroyed when the corner is turned and things have changed.

but when it comes to love, real love, long lasting forever and ever love, the type of love that means everything, and fuels everything, and creates magic that last for generations – well that love is worth climbing every mountain and fording through every stream.

that love is worth putting your perspective partner through every test and exercise, and more importantly yourself through tough questions and tougher actions

which sometimes means you’ll be alone for a while.

miles davis was known for his amazing music

but i will submit that it was the silence in between the notes that made him legendary.

as depeche mode once suggested

enjoy the silence.

and pray for those who sleep on couches, those who propose on tv, and especially those who struggle with change.

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