i finished my thing about Coke today

Posted on March 22, 2021 by tony

and now im having a rabbi look it over and give me his blessing.

i could write about coke and religion all day.

in fact i did for two weeks and it was fascinating and heartbreaking and frustrating.

true story: last night i was getting sleepy and went to the fridge to get a Mexicoke. upon realizing i was out, i thought of ways to get one in the wee hours.

if the grocery store was closed perhaps get overcharged at a 7-11?

since i dont drink coffee, it’s pretty much the only way i stay awake.

then i realized i have like 3, 2-liter bottles of kosher coke, which is what my story is about.

they are warm but i dont care. i opened one up, poured myself a cup in one of ambers many unused coffee cups.

and it did the trick.

i am really hoping this story will do well tomorrow. i even asked my old boss if he would give it a good headline.

broke out of my writers block because of Rob

Posted on March 21, 2021 by tony

he was all, what are you writing? i said this thing about kosher food.

he said im a jew!

i said get outta dodge

he said already did and im still a jew.

i was all perfect.

then he said the magic words. he said i look forward to reading what you have to write about my people

i said you would?

and thats it. because i finally had someone to write to, i was back on track.

the big problem is, in order to not give a shit what people think, i often convince myself that absolutely no one is going to read it.

and sometimes im too good at convincing myself that, so my brain is like, whats the use of writing this thing if no ones gonna read it?

so now imma write it for rob, a solid man, a long time friend who ive known since he was a teenager.

i even went to his wedding.

theres a lot of asian hate going on rn and i dont get it

Posted on March 20, 2021 by tony

and i dont even know what to do about it.

Sass is getting mad on her social media that “allies” aren’t speaking out, but i dont know how i can help the cause. but i want to.

so i will tell you about the first asian girl i ever fell in love with.

her name was Ae and we met in Switzerland.

a girl i met on a bus in Iowa, Risë, and I had become pen pals. She did a year abroad and invited me to visit her. i was just about to turn 21 and had nothing better to do so i said hell yes. this was so long ago they didnt even have color film.

as soon as i met Ae, Rise’s roommate, it was love at first sight. she was so smart and so sarcastic and funny and because she established immediately that she had a boyfriend, for some reason the tension only got hotter and hotter bc there was nothing we could do about the fact that we were both madly in love with each other.

which is what i told myself. but who knows.

her french was amazing, actually both of theirs was, and we took a train to Paris and spent 5 days there. i was the butt of eveyrones jokes because i was ridiculous and my french was so bad. but i tried. and as i tried everyone laughed and laughed. then we went to lyon. or did we do the opposite. who knows. Ae was incredible.

she was the first stranger i connected with immediately and it never unlocked.

so much so that when we parted ways and i took the train to Oktoberfest i met a pretty girl there who just wanted to get drunk and make out and… even at 21 i was like, nah. because i had had the real thing, whatever it was, down there in gay par-eee.

and that thing was intellectual stimulation which for me is the bullseye. the heart of the matter.

back in those days there was no email so i called her once or twice and we exchanged a few letters but im pretty sure when she got back to america she married her guy because i gave up on her quickly and that could have been the only reason why.

anyways ae was incredible for that week and i even remember her man’s name, thats how obsessed i was with her.

magic’ll do that.

since then i have known and loved lots of people, including asians. we are all people. we all want the same things: to be loved and respected and allowed to live.

i dont see why thats such a hard thing for people to understand.

the older i get the more i rethink how i feel about a certain type of american.

and i wish they had met the people that i have had the chance to break fromage et pain with outside the louvre while struggling to open a bottle of wine with a swiss army knife.

and i thank God every day for letting me know all these reflection of light.

if you only knew how hard it is for me to concentrate

Posted on March 19, 2021 by tony

ive never had this problem before.

i can pay attention to things for minutes and then on to the next.

i need a staff. i need interns. i need a consiglieri. i need a busboy.

the great singer of the Cure, Robert Smith, went on tour once and reportedly had an assistant that could only ask him questions that he could answer with yes and no.

i need that. but if i was singing, id get bored of a song after a minute. maybe i would have to play the tunes at twice the speed.

im even bored with this post.

they say libras fall in love at the drop of a hat

Posted on March 18, 2021 by tony

while that’s true, it’s even more embarrassing than that.

often the simplest things can get the heart beating: a well turned line of poetry, a full blog post, a dance around a tree,

and sometimes

the lightest sigh.

luckily i was born on the Scorpio cusp which helps me shut the door that the Libra side loves to open.

the Scorpion never forgets a single slight, is suspicious of all comers, and enjoys the taste of blood both literally and figuratively while the Libran only wants

peace love and harmony.

the Scorp want to fuck, fight, and flee

the Libra wants to cuddle, dream, and be.

i am not a Scorpio on the Libra cusp, though i think that would have been easier.

and i would have been a far sharper dresser.

i am a Libra with flashes of that deadly tail.

Last night there was a disturbance at the heron house. a 39 year old woman from Watts was upset that one of our neighbors had placed a note on her Kia Soul warning that if she did not fix her car alarm a brick would find its way through her windshield.

she did the natural thing and started raging at our building. IMMA DRAG WHOEVER WROTE THIS NOTE FROM ONE END OF THE BLOCK TO THE OTHER

she explained that she was not the one to be played with

that she was violent, worked and lived nearby, and if she lost her job over this matter so be it. she yelled so loudly and beautifully i was instantly in love.

i finished my shower, got dressed, and went out into the courtyard where several of my neighbors had gathered to try to reason with her.

they were met with threats and strange questions from her like HOW OLD ARE YOU? and

WHY DONT YOU GET YOUR SKINNY ASS DOWN HERE AND I’LL SHOW YOU WHATS UP

the angels have blessed my mind with the greatest comebacks and i delivered a few but i felt bad. this woman loved her new used car sans license plate. she was traumatized with the crime on her block which is why she parked on ours.

the xbi has ensured that i am safe for some reason.

but some of her threats were just funny. and when she took a breath an while the other ladies in my courtyard paused, i asked her if i could ask a question.

she said yes. because i am so handsome. in my long robe. at night.

i asked, can i have your text message number so i can call you if the alarm goes off again that way you can turn it off and no one has to leave notes.

later one of my neighbors called me a peacemaker which if you recall that was my new years resolution.

eventually the police came. so much excitement for our little block. we all talked for hours. videos had been made. police reports. edibles were exchanged.

the outraged woman brought many of us together, which is quite a feat since we had been locked up in our apartments for a year, alone. sad. borderline miserable.

we exchanged laughs afterwards in the group text chat.

and this morning her car was gone.

RIP

i really wanted my post on medium to blow up yesterday

Posted on March 17, 2021 by tony

but things blowing up is a rare thing, next week i have this thing about coke that i bet you will do well in fact if i was smart id work on it all day today

but i am a dumb stupid foolish person.

anyways i saw something on twitter and noticed it was only 4 minutes old so i put it up on reddit and ba-zoom, nearly 1,000 upvotes and 5 people gave me things, one of them was Reddit Gold.

as you see, i rarely post things on reddit and the last two times i did it only got 20 and 29 upvotes.

reddit will quickly tell you if you’re out of touch.

and then boom Da Bearsssssss.

granted, it was sad and angry and i would not like to excel in those emotions, but it was nice to see when i least expected it.

when i wake up im interviewing one of howard stern’s long time interns

lets see how that goes

today ‘ucsb’ is trending on Twitter

Posted on March 16, 2021 by tony

that’s because some of the kids are celebrating how they got in to america’s newest most popular college

or they’re super depressed they werent accepted

im exhausted.

i woke up early to post my thing on Shane Nickerson, the Ridiculousness producer.

after i did i got some really great advice about Medium and a bunch of people want to write for my new medium publication, Del Playa

then i went to Hollywood Blvd to photograph this dude im writing another piece on.

and then i got a Popeye’s sandwich and the manager there remembered me from when i interviewed her for Los Angeleno. she said that theres a TikTok video of she and i making the rounds of when i was talking with her.

i couldnt find it. i will try again tomorrow.

im pooped.

so out of energy.

do i really need to eat vegetables instead of fried chicken?

i was paid a very high compliment today

Posted on March 15, 2021 by tony

by this young lady.

it was such a nice thing that she said that i honestly don’t believe it.

which is odd because if she had said something terrible i wouldn’t doubt it in the slightest.

there should be a study on brains. why do we have such a hard time when people say nice things or do very nice things.

but when things are crappy or people are awful, that stays with us longer?

i can’t help but think that it’s because the Devil lives in our inner ear, constantly saying terrible things to us, endlessly trying to break us down, kill our spirit, ruin our days.

i dont know how often you read this blog, but one reason i list my blessings so often in here is because im trying to fight the devil. and in doing so i am trying to remind myself that a) i have had a blessed life b) that i have known some incredible people c) lived in amazing towns d) things will be better just around the corner.

in part because i know the Great Deceiver is beating the drum that it’s over for me. my luck has run out. that im old and bald and fat and ive lost a step. that my magic no longer works. and ANYTHING i did of any value in the past was pure luck that had nothing to do with me.

i look at this picture of Linda in my apartment in SF on folsom street and 24th and its like it was all yesterday. look at that honking computer monitor, giant speakers in the corner, cds perfectly arranged in my book shelf.

today talking to her on the phone i did laundry, cleaned up a closet, and we yapped about police business until my phone died. she used to be a cop.

i do have the greatest friends. they seem to still love me for some reason. Lord only knows why. but i am super grateful.

only boring people get bored

Posted on March 13, 2021 by tony

then i guess im boring.

i cannot concentrate on anything.

i asked the doc what should i do she said you gotta wait 3-4 months to get adderall. i said i dont have that long. ive gotta make some major moves quick or else i will end up working for some soulless company doing the same old stuff and then poof my life will be over.

i dont wanna live in a soviet apartment.

i dont wanna have an ordinary life.

when i die i want people to say holy shit i didnt know tony pierce is buried here and when their friend asks who’s tony pierce they’ll say

spark up that joint and i’ll tell you.

i feel like im at a crossroads but its also a cliff

and ive gotta jump.

and i could crack my head open on the coral below

or i could stick it perfectly and swim into another land.

april 1 2001 i moved into this apartment which means in two weeks i will have lived here 20 years.

i have done some very fun things in this apartment.

i have had some huge breakthroughs and some deep deep disappointments.

but for the most part way more good things have happened than bad and this year will either be a truly new leaf

or more of the same.

i want a new leaf.

it’s hard to say good bye to the comfortable and familiar.

but it’s time to turn the page.

and maybe that’s why im all blocked up right now.

usually pizza makes my stomach knot up. but today i ate a pepto bismol before i went to get the pie and all went well.

then after i ate half of it i warmed up some peas and ate those too.

these 20 years have flown by at breakneck speeds.

please get high if you ever come by my gravestone.

didnt get the job i was perfect for

Posted on March 11, 2021 by tony

and heres why its ok.

after kpcc i just could not get a gig to save my life. if it wasnt for my friend amy i dont even know what i would have done.

she got me some freelance work that paid really good. it was hard but it paid.

then someone from the LA Times told me about the Oscars job and — do you know how much i love the Oscars? suddenly im working there. going to it. socialmediaing it? improving the numbers. talking to the people. learning the things?

if i had just gotten the ok job right outta kpcc, i would have never gotten the incredible job months and months later.

was i in a terrible funk in between those two? yes. terrrrible. i even went into fox news’ hq in nyc and interviewed for a job. i was maybe gonna move. while there the oscars called and said whats up. i was all im in nyc because obvs my life is over.

and they were all well get back here because out of 1000 applicants you’re tony pierce.

so whats crazy about todays denial, they know me. they reached out to me. then they made me jump through a hoop on the other side of the moon. and i jumped and flew around and stuck the landing.

and still no. which is totally fine because sometimes it’s nice to have to jump high and show what youre made of. and do things in a few weeks that whoever they chose couldnt do in years.

if anything to just see yourself that you can do it. and be funny. and be fresh. and be right on the money.

im gonna do my own thing going forward.

i dont ever want to be in a situation where one or two people determine my future.

the first half of my life was that and it was interesting but fuck that shit.

the things i have done have value and the things i know i can do have even more.

why am i splitting it with them with me getting the tiniest fraction?

the season of lent is not about giving up things but having a different relationship to the things we do through the rest of the year.

im gonna write my ass off on medium

then podcast my ass off like the freak i am.

busblog

nothing in here is true

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