went to the doctor today and they said i had to see a specialist

Posted on April 14, 2016 by tony

da bears this is what happens when you try to use the xbi insurance.

they want you only to see xbi doctors and

its not because they care about you

they just wanna keep an eye on their investment

even if you are just a shell of who you used to be

i havent been a solid xbi agent in years

they swear they can get me back in shape if i had the desire to get there but

as you get older the things you care about substantially changes

when youre little you want candy

then you want a bike

then you want a girlfriend

then you want a car

then you want a plane

then you want a mythical black helicopter that barely makes a sound but ironically can stabilize large groups of terrible people through audio technology that can bring them to their knees with nausea.

then you want two cars.

all i want right now is to see the cubs win the world series and it looks like theyre on their way.

then i want some ice cream.

then i want to help people.

the other day someone asked me what i wanna be when i grow up

i said i wanna never grow up.

because it seems like the more shit you gotta do

the less shit you get to do.

and all the shit i wanna do is for you.

why i like to sit in the bleachers

Posted on April 13, 2016 by tony

one day i want to make a tv series, a sit com, about angels in heaven and how they look down and comment and futz around with this or that to make things better

in one of the episodes i want to explain why wrigley field in chicago was clearly aided by Someone Above

in part because there isn’t a bad seat in the house

other than those behind poles

and how the best seats in the joint are probably the humble backless benches in the bleachers

i like to sit there because, and no disrespect, but i believe the best fans are there

in the olden days they used to also be the most frugal, but due to the secret getting out that the bleachers are so unique at wrigley, the same bleacher seats that i used to pay $3 for in high school now go for $64 and can cost three times the price of sitting in the upper deck ($21).

at dodger stadium the secret isnt out yet so theyve converted the right field bleachers into an all you can eat gorgefest. for as low as $33, but your ticket includes unlimited Dodger Dogs, nachos, popcorn, peanuts, Coke products and bottled water. if i ran the joint id also have people guessing your weight, giving you back scratches, and doling out investment advice, but

at Wrigley you feel right on top of the players when youre in the bleachers.

at Dodger Stadium, they dont want you that close. theyre nervous. maybe they should be nervous. everyones trying to be a star in LA.

in Chicago we already know we’re stars. if youre trying to prove something to people, youre probably an out of towner.

theres some good seats at Dodger Stadium, but not many, which is why i prefer the bleachers there. at least its fun, theres free food, and you get to meet some colorful fans from the IE

sometimes you just hit it off

Posted on April 13, 2016 by tony

christina sometimes you dont

sometimes everything you say they get it truly and go same same same

sometimes you just want them to shhhh cuz uhhh

then sometimes what was once incredible and necessary and required, fades

retreats

retires.

and never comes back

not even in the still silence of a desert sunset

not even on a bet.

sometimes when things arent connecting you dont even wanna look at them

because for sure theyll be able to read it all over your face

theyll read your mind or worse

and sometimes when things are, you wanna hug em good bye like an old friend whos about to go off on a cruise around the world

and further.

sometimes life doesnt feel like a graphic novel at all.

it feels like a jello shot festival.

the cubs won their home opener last night

Posted on April 12, 2016 by tony

addison russel

i was super busy all day except for during the game and during the game i was frozen

they were getting no-hit through 6 by a 23 year old nobody

the Cubs had powered their way through the west averaging 7 runs a game and here they were at home and they couldnt get a hit

until they could.

and then they did

and they came back

punctuated by a blast from their 22 yr old infielder Addison Russell

the cubs play their games on the corner of Clark and Addisson, fyi

after they pulled ahead their closer came on and shut down the whoever it was they were playing

WHO CARES CUBS WIN THEY ARE NOW ALONE A TOP THEIR DIVISION

with a sexy 6-1 record.

all is good in the world. mostly.

all of my favorites were crazy

Posted on April 11, 2016 by tony

courtney and clinton writers poets

rockers

tourists

what happened to that

this used to be that

at what age will i return

when will i let it

everyones crazy

why cant i

when you drive a lot

you see how little some people

care

theyre on their phones texting

theyre running red lights

theyre doing their makeup and eating

kids

how does anyone drive with kids

in there

thats probably the scariest combo of all

and yet im nervous about

keeping it real

or even worse

letting the imagination just flow

on nothing in here is true

boo

it’s supposed to rain today but i wanna drive

Posted on April 9, 2016 by tony

eazy e tattoo compton nwa last night was fun but i got tired early and called it quits

the last ride was a 17 year old girl i picked up at usc. her boyfriend goes there.

she was pretty dismissive of the school, him, pretty much everything

except for one thing.

for some reason i always try to bring conversations to happy places

and it didnt seem like ours had gotten there as i drove across town to hollywood via side streets at midnight

so as she texted her friends quietly in the back

i finally asked

is coachella still cool?

she stopped, looked up, and said, omg its the coolest thing ever. im going.

i should have left it at that but when the silence returned i broke it foolishly with

are there any bands youre excited about… like guns n roses..?

she said oh god no. my dad would kill me but, uh no.

sorry slash

my favorite player crashed into another player last night

Posted on April 8, 2016 by tony

schwarber

and now he’s out for the season.

he was supposed to be the catcher and occasionally play outfield and DH

and now he has to watch from the stands

or from the hospital

or from florida

but not from behind the plate.

life isnt fair.

we know this.

if theres one theme from this blog it is life isnt fair.

it isnt fair that the cubs won 14-6 last night

and it isnt fair that they will win the world series for the first time in 108 years without their loveable young slugger.

id cry. but im too sad to cry.

it was drizzly for lunch so we went to Shake Shake

Posted on April 7, 2016 by tony

shake shack

meh.

probs wont be back.

In n Out is better and cheaper.

my mom doesnt want me to drive so much

Posted on April 6, 2016 by tony

ice cream man coachella

but i like driving. i like hitting goals. i like doing things people dont think i can do.

i dont mind being exhausted. when you’re sore you know you broke through something.

when youre beat you know you stretched as a person.

i always want to be stretching as a person. when we die we stop stretching.

when i go to heaven i want to go to the bar and i want to have a story to two to share with the fellas. they’re gonna be from all these fancy planets that i aint never heard of and i want to listen to their tales and drink and drink and

i wanna be able to tell them what it was like here and what some of the crazy people did and said and i want to represent. i want them to say Earth was ok, sorry y’all blew it up.

and i wanna say Earth is inside each and every one of us

and i want one of them to say in a stuck up way, Earth isnt in me

and i wanna stick my tongue in one of their orifices and say now it is.

which would be gross anywhere but Heaven

which is why we should all do our best to get there.

amen

went to the cubs opening day last night

Posted on April 5, 2016 by tony

great tickets to angels cubs opening day

todd and i met at the union station bar, traxx, had a couple of warm up beers and took the Angels Express down to Anaheim Stadium

the Express is probably the greatest value in transportation as it picks you up at DTLA’s gorgeous train station at 5:45 and gets you to the park around 6:30p

for $7. Round Trip.

that’ll give you time to get in line, scan your ticket, and realize you accidentally got two tickets for Game TWO of the season and not yesterday which was Opening Day.

it also gave us time to walk to the front of the park while emailing the dear man who offered the tickets to us for $90 each to acknowledge that indeed they were for Tues, not Monday, and let you off the hook from any responsibility and said he’d find new owners of the seats.

and weirdly, as soon as that email exchange was complete, we had time to look up and hear a guy say, you two looking for tickets? to which we were offered Club Level waitress serviced perfect seats valued at $140 each for the low price of just $40.

why? because God loves me and i love Him right back!

the Cubs promptly shut out the home team 9-0

and then crushed them again tonight.

we are good.