because if they really did read the broadsheet they would have been hardpressed to do anything other than smile at this genius headline by the Sports desk this morning celebrating the accomplishment of SF Giants pitcher Matt Cain who held the defending champion Phillies to just 2 hits over 7 innings yesterday.

i still think the sports page is worth the cost of the paper alone, simply for the headlines and great writing.

who needs an NFL Team

(to quote Apu “i doooooooooooooooooo”)

but today LA Times columnist Steve Lopez wrote about his very unique experience of being given (along with KABC radio host Peter Tilman) two different strains of marijuana by the LAPD and City Attorney Carmen Trutanich.

and then given the keys of an undercover cop car

and then allowed to drive a pretty interesting obstacle course

to see if smoking weed impairs your driving.

the results? a lot of laughing and an unending amount of jokes in today’s Page 2 column

a sample of “He’s a Train Wreck behind the wheel”

A few hits later, I suggested to Tilden that we roll a vehicle, come out holding our necks, sue everyone and retire, but that was the dope talking. Tilden had forgotten his rolling papers, so I gave him my Bob Marley wrappers and Officer Leffert expertly rolled a fat one for him.

“What are you, Rastafarian?” Tilden asked the officer. “Look at the size of that blunt.”

One of us, after several strong hits on a second joint, was now giggling like a high school sophomore, and it wasn’t Tilden or the cops. I believe Train Wreck may be from the sativa rather than indica species of pot. Sativa is said to give you a spacey surge instead of a drowsy body buzz. This could explain why, when I saw southern division CHP commander Kevin Gordon approaching to see if we were ripped yet, I stood on one foot for him, as if taking a sobriety test while puffing away and laughing like a hyena.

“Are you having fun?” asked Nelms, the drug recognition expert.

What, is that a crime, officer?

When we were driven back down the hill and I slid into an unmarked Crown Vic for my driving test, I couldn’t resist the urge to play a little prank. I revved the engine, shifted into forward and jerked forward in the direction of the gathering, honking the horn like a lunatic as Trutanich and the others prepared to scatter.

Read the whole thing, as they say, it’s fascinating, funny, and weirdly scientific.

Can’t wait for the faux outrage in the comments and the blogosphere.

because the former EBay CEO’s spokesperson linked to him yesterday and hasnt fixed her error.

heres my headline.

Nearly a full day later, Meg Whitman’s spokeswoman is still linking to cross-dressing Korean bass player

but you really have to read and see the whole story

greatest university of all

i was torn between going to UCSB and UCLA when i was a gas station attendant in Beverly Hills

id ask people with UCLA stickers or parking passes what they thought of that school and theyd say oh its great. have fun!

id ask customers with UCSB license plate covers and bumper stickers what they thought of being a Gaucho and theyd be all

O M G!

and theyd tell me where to live and where to eat and what to do and where to party and how to party and what teachers were awesome and on and on and on

so i visited the campus and wasnt that impressed because it was foggy that day and gloomy and i didnt notice how close to the beach i was

so since i was transferring in and i knew i had the prereqs completed for both schools i just said f-it, the first one that writes me to accept me gets me.

the first letter i got was from UCLA

it said Dear Bruin…

and i was all damn, i wonder if thats what Kareem’s letter looked like.

the next day i got one from UCSB that said Dear Gaucho

it didnt really give me the same thrill.

but this is what won me over: for some reason i had to call the school and the person was soooooo nice, and it reminded me of that spirit that i remembered from all its alums

also, and i swear this is true, i thought “oh santa barbara, its further away from the craziness of LA, i bet it would be easier to study there.”

so i took the plunge on UCSB.

best decision ive ever ever ever ever made.

second best? making the busblog.

shes from jersey. a fact shes fed up with nowadays

can I just say that I cant stand when people
ask me Jersey Shore questions.
It really really pisses me off.
I am gonna say I am from New York.

poor girl

send your san diego blondie some ESP love

in 1906

a fixed movie camera was set up on the front of the F Market cable car.

automobiles circle the old street car to give the illusion of a lot of traffic and modern vehicles on Market street (there were less than 1,000 cars in all of the USA at the time).

sad thing about this footage? days after it was filmed the Great San Francisco Earthquake destroyed the city, demolishing all of the buildings you see, and killing many of the dashing people on your screen.

the reason we even have this footage is it was shipped out East the day before the quake struck.

so whats the lesson?

Live.

Live your life.

Your life.

quit pretending that we have 20 years to achieve our dreams or 5 years to get what we want.

we have 1 moment, this moment. dont bother yourself with mediocrity. dont bitch and moan with people who dont get you. step to the left and live your life of freedom and joy and love and respect.

hate yr job? quit it. bored with the person you make out with? knock it off. settling with people who are ok but hold you back? move forward.

we have no one to blame for our misery other than ourselves.

learn from the dead of Market Street. and live.

which i love n hate

what do i hate? the yuppies, the dog poop, the dog poop smell, the crowds

what do i love? feeling my body improve, the hotness of participants, the view

what do i really hate? ladies with 7 dogs in their SUV who back into the front of my car HARD (WITH ME IN IT) cuz they dont know how to park and they have way too many barking dogs in their car

i have a love hate relationship with dogs in this city.

most of the people who have them have no yards, dont properly train their beasts, and probably should have a picture of a dog instead of the real thing.

if youre that lonely how about going to a club and meeting a human being? how bout that?

meanwhile if you cant drive or parallel park with zero dogs in your car and zero cars in front of you, how well do you think youre going to park with tons of dogs in your ish?

getting slammed wasnt the bad part. the bad part was thinking that i am in the market for a new car and if this is what happens WHEN IM IN THE VEHICLE i wonder what happens to my ride (and what will happen to the new one) when im away from it.

im seriously considering figuring out a way to equip my dashboard with a wifi enabled web cam so when people approach my new car we can all see the madness that happens in this fair city.

i do. canada too! and you too holland!

australia, the parts of mexico where they dont behead people, minnesota, aruba – i have love for all of you.

why am i overflowing with amore for all y’all?

because youre wonderful and sweet and beautiful and sex-ay.

and because i had the best meal last night with one hottie followed by some sweetness with another

and then my boss said i could work from home today to write for the politics blog

the best thing i wrote all week was this:

Two out of three Fox and Friends think ‘all terrorists are Muslim’

then your bff karisa gave me this link that allows one to get a $100 gift certificate to the best sushi place in all of LA for just $40!!!!

finally Obama has done something right!

oh wait, that’s Restaurant.com? same diff! whooo hooo peppered toro with truffle sauce it is!

mama mia!

whooo hooo!

ay carrumba!

happy weekend!

go Bears!