just couldnt get to sleep, so i wrote some deep dark secrets and sent it to someone.
maybe as a replacement for the missed therapy session from this week?
i wanted to get it off my chest because it was something i both worried about and something that i have zero control over.
for example, you could get in shape, buy the coolest clothes, steal the best car, read all the current best sellers and then go on 100 dates
there is no guarantee you’ll have chemistry with any of them.
likewise you could go outside because you hear theres a guy jacking off in the middle of the street and meet your future wife.
life is bizarre, which is fine.
today i saw an IG story where this girl went to Lobster Village with her parents and I DMed her and said wait the Mexican border is open? she was all yep.
and even though no one knows its open its still a two hour wait, she told me to cross the border back to the US
would it be great if i can really sustain myself through podcasting
so i wouldnt have to be on social for hours and hours studying it
so if i do get a gig that includes promoting things on Twitter FB and Instagram,
i’d know what to do?
yes.
yesterday i was looking through IG and saw these models at a White Party
it was a birthday party for someone who rented a mansion and spared no expense, they even had mostly nude women who you could eat sushi rolls off
across town the Lakers are playing to a mostly empty arena because we’re doing our best to end this covid nonsense
in a few weeks we wont have to wear masks anywhere
but obviously a lot of people just cannot wait a few more weeks
and do this instead
and yes it makes me irritated.
but when you think about who these people are at this party
these are people who have made small fortunes being beautiful and flaunting their wealth and cheekbones
one of the women eating the california roll allegedly bilked her sugar daddy out of $1.3 million, and worse, broke his heart by saying no to him after he proposed over the phone.
some of us need to be outside, at parties, dressed to impress, and in the feeds of nobodies like me,
typically i shy away from the hype. when i moved here in the early 12th century, i was all about Fatburger because of the Beastie Boys.
but back then i had terrible stomach issues and spending that much money on a giant hamburger that i couldnt finish was sorta stupid, although i did like that back then they had jukeboxes in all of their stores.
eventually amateur doctors taught me about the benefits of mary jane and i started eating different foods. one of them was in n out. which at first i hated but after time i started
EATING
the lettuce and tomatoes.
it took years.
but the freshness of those items is, to me, what makes the in n out burger so good.
as someone who once worked at mcdonalds i can tell you that the lettuce and tomato there wilts super fast. somehow in n out are able to keep everything crispy and juicy.
pretty sure witchcraft is involved, but dont quote me.
today my mom asked me for the fifth time if i would go to hawaii with the family.
i said fine because i havent seen my mom in forever and they tell me weed is now legal overbythere
i was asking for podcast equipment advice on my facebook.
he DMed me and said i will help you and i will sound engineer and edit your podcasts
i said why?
he said because i am an angel that has floated down from Above
i said i’ll give you half of what comes in
he said, works for me.
then he texted me the device i should get
and the extra microphone
he’s a musician so maybe he can also perform some of the musical ideas i have
for example every two weeks im going to need a theme song for the place im talking about
even if he can’t do the theme song
maybe if i hum it to him he can make some joyful noise
and if it’s not good at least it will be weird
even bad is good sometimes when it comes to theme songs
and the best part is, if this thing takes off, and i say to the crowd: ok i need a theme song for This Subject, then people can make the themes and we’ll play all the best ones on the podcast.
user generated content
anyways im very happy today
i was so happy i slept in too late. me and my shrink had agreed to have our session today instead of tomorrow and it was to be at the ungodly hour of 10am
naturally i slept past that and hadnt even set an alarm,
got charged $100! which is fair. i’ll never miss a session again.
it was the first time i was paid commission. and i loved it because i knew i was better than most of the other people in that store and it was nice to get paid more than them.
but after a while i had to leave because it was sad that the rich customers always got great deals because they knew how to haggle and the poor people always got ripped off because they didn’t even know you could ask for a lower price in a place like that.
so i went to work at a gas station. i wanted to be of service to people. i didn’t care that it paid less money. i didnt have to wear a suit, i was working outside, and even if it was basic – just washing windows and showing a guy his air filter was dirty AF was helpful. i wanted to be helpful.
i still do.
during lunch i would walk across the street and get some hot food and bring it to my car and eat it and listen to music on my headphones and take a little nap.
one of the tapes i would play was Elvis Costello’s new one at the time which was King of America. the weakest song on it, in my opinion, was a cover of the 1964 hit “Please Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” that was written for Nina Simone before I was born.
i didnt understand the lyrics, i didnt understand the arrangement, and i didn’t understand why Elvis would include this tune into his incredible King of America album that was so unique and interesting… especially since Elvis didn’t really do much to the song any differently than what The Animals did in 1965.
but as i have gotten older i have been misunderstood
a lot.
and it sucks.
and i think Elvis probably felt the same way.
to me it’s a prayer.
it’s admitting that the singer IS being misunderstood and they would like for it to end.
part of artistry is to have a shade of mystery.
but with that comes a bit of confusion.
elvis costello’s name isn’t even elvis.
and on King of America he utilized three different noms de plume for himself. is that to be more understood or less?
so the more creative one is in their art, the more likely people are going to misunderstand.
all of that is fine.
it’s when ones intentions are true that one gets frustrated.
if you say the most basic, simplest thing to someone and they react as if you had said something totally different, thats where the friction becomes uncomfortable.
and snoozing in my grandmas caddy in 1986 i hadn’t yet learned that yet
because back then i was trying so hard to keep things so simple: pump gas, check the fluids, get the air pressure levels, get the money, go home and study
the only confusion i got then was from my gemini girlfriend,
geminis. both in great shape. we always tease that we should put a hot tub in our courtyard.
its a funny joke because aint no way we have room for such a thing, and we’d probably electrocute ourselves.
recently one of the neighbors got into a terrible cycling accident where she broke her jaw.
shes an ironwoman.
she was telling this to me and her gemini twinsie and i said ok for your birthdays imma get you each a Peloton and we can have them out in the courtyard that way no one gets hurt and you two can keep your lovely figure
and i can lose these spare tires
and we can look at the weird strangers that pass by our complex every day
and you shoulda seen their eyes light up.
my buddy Chris has been on a bike kick for 6-7 years now and he fits into clothes he wore in college when we were so poor we could barely eat.
only way imma get a new girlfriend is if i lose a good 25 pounds
or hit the lottery.
but probably the first thing said new girlfriend will ask me is
wait, you bought your neighbors Pelotons? are you insane?
