in the bible theres a little aside about an old king

Posted on January 2, 2021 by tony

let me look it up, yes here it is first kings first chapter second line

Therefore his servants said to him, “Let a young woman, a virgin, be sought for our lord the king, and let her stand before the king, and let her care for him; and let her lie in your bosom, that our lord the king may be warm.”

and sometimes i’ll look at my odometer and then i’ll look at amber’s and i’ll think, did my servants give me this virgin so i could be warm?

then i remember im not king of shit

and amber is not the type to lay in anyone’s bosom for too long

let alone a blogger

but she does take care of me.

right now im eating some peas and carrots, potatoes, and crumbled beyond beef.

her goal is to feed me 5 different vegetables a day.

the beyond beef should count as one, maybe two.

for some reason she wants me alive for a few more years.

i do look good without a shirt

today i had a mcrib for lunch

Posted on January 1, 2021 by tony

i got it at the mcdonalds on vine just south of sunset.

i order it without onions or pickles.

amber and i had been bickering, so i took a little drive to get some baseball cards by Six Flags.

it was gonna be a long drive so she could cool off.

her anger had nothing to do with me.

and this year i am going to do my best to diffuse all arguments

even though im undefeated in twitter fights

and have a winning percentage in verbal bouts.

this year though im hanging up my gloves.

im gandhi in 2021.

peace love and mcribs, like libras should be.

when you order no onions or pickles one of two things happen

either they wipe them off of there and reapply extra bbq sauce

or they just make a fresh one for you.

lately ive been getting fresh ones.

another thing you should know: a mcrib ala cart will set you back $4.35, which is outrageous.

worse is when you get the combo which can climb up to $8.

it’s terrible because a large coke ala cart is $1. which means youre paying A LOT for those fries.

great as they are, fuckem.

anyways i had made it to the valley when amber called me and apologized and asked me to come home and not catch covid.

an angeleno is dying every 10 minutes right now for doing dumb things like going to walmarts.

i accepted her apology and told her that i am here for her

i am her rock.

not like Peter the Rock who dissed the Lord three times before the cock crowed but like an actual rock

one that is hard to sleep with, stubborn, and old.

but there for her.

she said ok.

things were better when i got home. but not perfect. people are mean to her. it sucks.

so much sucks.

but not that mcrib.

mmmmmmm

happy new year busbloggers

Posted on January 1, 2021 by tony

as you can tell from the image on the right, my production here on the world famous busblog has diminished year over year.

i barely got 200 posts on here last year.

true, i wrote 100 posts on Los Angeleno, but that’s no excuse.

this is my baby. this is my soul.

some call LAist my baby, and i can see that a little but even then it was the product of a group home. now it’s at a boarding school.

well the busblog is finished with finishing school.

i dont math well but i think the busblog becomes legal this year.

which is crazy.

everythings crazy.

luckily everything’s been crazy for a long long time. so we just have to read books to figure out how to pilot this riverboat down the mighty mississip.

and heres how we get that number back up in the 500s where it belongs.

first imma stop twittering so much.

and maybe slow down on facebook.

why give Zuck all my content?

he aint need it.

my problem is i go where the interactions are. and in social media the people respond.

for a long time on this blog people would just basically say omg tony you are so great. and you know, that never got old.

so i kept blogging because as someone with low self esteem, that was like sunlight to a plant. it would perk me up.

now i resort to likes and retweets, which is fine because it helped me learn how to get those for the jobs i had worked for.

but theres something unique about blogging, something that transcends the good people saying omg love you.

for example right now i have a cat napping on my thigh while The Seeds play on my Alexa “Daisy May”.

i read something great the other day that i wanna try to a smaller extent.

the great drummer ?estlove said he tries to listen to 100 new songs (new to him) every day. he just listens to something then scrolls down to what his streaming service says is similar to that song. and he repeats that 100 times.

me, imma ask Alexa to play a band i really dont know. Today i said The Seeds.

way better than i expected.

its cold today in this house, im wearing my Buzznet hoodie. im thinking about turning up the heat.

im thinking i should figure out a way to post 2x a day.

it’s not hard.

im not trying to be shakespeare.

and yes i am just trying to up my numbers.

but maybe in trying… something good will come.

theres this thing in the bleachers at wrigley field

Posted on December 27, 2020 by tony

what you do is you keep your cup of beer after you drink it and stack the empties as the game goes on.

eventually you might have this long snake of cups at the end of the game if you… have a close relationship with drinking.

so shout out to the Cubs social media dept for this Elf on the Shelf tribute to bleacher bums.

of which i am one. even though two old styles is all i need out there.

amber and i have the most interesting relationship. many people probably think that it revolves around my hot bod and fancy clothes.

while that may have been true at the beginning, her home cooking has been responsible for me gaining a few but she doesnt mind. far as i can tell.

but because she doesnt drink, i stopped drinking too. not that it was ever that big of a part of my life but ive maybe had four beers all year? it almost seems impossible for a man who loves Isla Vista, Hollywood and the Bleachers so much.

i hear some say that they are happy that UCSB isn’t really a party school any more. but i would disagree. i think it’s good to discover your tolerance at that age. i think it’s great to see that The Guy who can drink the most isn’t really the achievement we think it is as we’re doing that beer bong.

although i gotta say, when i was driving Uber and this Korean CEO told me that heavy drinking is part of the biz culture there, it was a little shocking.

like logically what does it prove if the CEO of Hyundai can drink a giant pitcher of a gross assortment of spirits? and how is it disgraceful if the CEO of Samsung can’t? am i really that much of a hippy dip idealist that all i care about are the quality of the crap and its price?

tell me a good story.

tell me about the hardest you ever fell in love.

blow my mind with some truism you got from a fortune cookie.

i went to a college where they were snorting ether off dirty rags and then playing Defender and Ms Pacman side by side and switching machines after each time they died. who cares how much Jager you can pound.

tell me something cool.

she me something beautiful.

sing me a song on a broken piano in the back where the kegs are.

drinking is fine, but it’s the set up, not the tale.

13 years ago i got called up to the big leagues

Posted on December 26, 2020 by tony

when i finished listing all my jobs (21!) someone DMed me and asked me which I was the most proud of.

im glad they didnt call me out in public because so many people who i used to work with are my friends on IG and i would never want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

but easily the one i am most proud of is LAist.

maybe you woulda have to have been there to understand but LAist was the bottom of the LA blogosphere at the time – in part because they didn’t pay the editor more than $100. but all these blogs that you don’t even hear about any more, including several at the LA Times were waaaay ahead of us when i was given the gig.

following Carolyn Kellogg was not so easy either. she’s a true pro. voracious reader. an intellect. and just straight up nice.

so a few of the staff bailed when they saw that i was taking over.

then there was the issue of what did i have to offer those who remained? i couldnt pay them. i couldnt even promise them that there would be an audience any time soon. and i did things so differently that some of them would predictably be upset.

for example, even though i make fun of Team Coverage when the LA news stations send all their reporters out to cover a 1″ rain storm, i sorta like Team Coverage because no one tells the same story the same way.

so if Beck is playing at some small venue and everyone is like, can i cover it can i cover it? i say you can all cover it, because id rather have 3 pieces on something theyre all passionate about then 100 pieces where everyones half assing it.

PLUS a lot of time in blogging, the reader will scroll down a few posts and if they see something good they’ll click, otherwise they’ll leave the site. so if i can give you a Beck review at noon, 3pm and 6pm, odds are you’ll read one of them, whereas if theres just one at noon, you might not even see it on the page if you get in at 6pm.

but on top of that, magic sometimes happens and out of the three articles one person might just emerge as a damn star. and sometimes that can be the person you least expect, aka the one you would have never assigned it to.

so what did i have to offer? a chance.

in a year and a half of breaking every rule, experimentation, love, support, and no deadlines, LAist quadrupled the LA Times’ #1 blog. a feat that was never accomplished by any other blog again after i became Blog Editor of the LA Times in late December of 2007.

and i did it with a group of beautiful humans who i dealt with honestly and openly.

i am so proud of that period of my life and i think about it all the time.

the only thing i want is for my mom to be happy

Posted on December 25, 2020 by tony

and yet this Christmas, like every Christmas she sends more packages and more gifts to us than we give to each other.

always good things.

always things i wear forever.

always things i love.

last night i went to bed early and woke up in the middle of the night somewhere around 420am. when i get four hours of sleep my body thinks thats all i want so i know im doomed for the rest of the night so i turned on the maladorian and started wrapping amber’s gifts.

even though im broke i met a guy across the river and did a favor for him. in return he told me i could purchase a laptop computer for amber at a deep discount.

believe it or not the favor was to do some SEO work for their company’s website.

but as soon as i started wrapping her gift, i hear her stumble to the bathroom and then slowly walk to the living room. i hastily hid the computer and took off my pants in front of her.

that image worked to perfection and she retreated back to slumber.

currently im reading the autobiography of ted templeman who loved jazz as a teen in the 1950s and went on to produce a slew of Doobie Brothers albums in the ’70s before producing all of Van Halen’s records and then later Aerosmith, Cheap Trick, and Joan Jett.

he starts off talking about his dad and uncles who had such a horrible life that it makes you ashamed for ever complaining about anything. i havent had an arm blown off. i havent been taken prisoner. boo hoo kris rebah didnt wanna go to the seventh grade dance with me, ted templeman’s dad had to eat spiders to stay alive and gave raw meat to a monkey to see if it would die. and if it didnt, mr templeman would eat the horrid meat.

eighth grade would be better.

and eighty-eighth grade would be better than ever.

suck it up, whiner, the next chapter will more than make up for this one.

and then i can get my momma better presents than she gets me.

here it is Christmas Eve and we tried eating tamales

Posted on December 24, 2020 by tony

but we couldnt find none

drove all the way down sunset to East LA but i guess they only sell them early in the morning.

it’s ok. everythings ok. everythings been ok. everything will be ok.

i just finished writing about all 21 jobs ive ever had. mama mia that was epic. i have been very blessed.

then on top of it are all the things that happened when i wasnt working. all the bowling i did, all the poems i wrote, all the girls whose eyes i melted into.

and then there was sports. and computers. and video games. and books. and breakdancing. and sailing.

one summer all i did was sail every day in the frigid san francisco bay.

when youre 16, shivering among white caps you dont think you’re learning lessons that will stick with you forever but thats where life is awesome.

one of the lessons i learned had to do with wind. cant do shit on a sailboat if theres no wind. likewise if theres too much wind you’re just trying not to flip over.

but lets talk about no wind because in a way thats what so many americans are dealing with right now. how do you succeed if theres no work, millions are unemployed, people cant go inside restaurants and there are all these restrictions?

the lesson i learned out there was when theres no wind, look at the bridge. check out the mountains. notice the fog crawling over the peaks. listen to the sea gulls. watch the tour boats.

basically all the things that youd not have any time to soak in: enjoy.

ive got a GF bouncing off the walls because she cant work right now. and when i say lets watch the Mandalorian together she says shhhh. she says dont tell me what to do. she says why are you posing like a super model? why are you juggling my flip flops. wait, when did you learn to juggle?

and i said, on the sailboat when there was no wind.

today i found out the saddest thing

Posted on December 24, 2020 by tony

someone i hadnt talked to in a long time called me to fill me in on something i didn’t know.

someone i had so much respect for, it turns out, lied to me, several times, strung me along, and then did something hurtful to me and others.

the person on the phone asked how should i feel about this? and then, how do you feel about this?

and because it’s Christmas Eve, and because i love the Good Book because it shows humans being humans and good people sometimes being less than good, i know how to react to this.

sometimes in the Bible, God does something that is rarely talked about. He hardens people’s hearts. meaning, the good person would normally be all sweet and honest and transparent and welcoming, but suddenly acts out of character because God wants them to.

since none of us are God it’s hard to speculate why he wants them to act cruelly, but usually it’s not about them, it’s about our reaction to that curveball. sometimes God wants to watch us do the right thing in spite of the situation.

and thats what we should do here. the right thing. and the right thing is to love this person and love all the people. especially when they’re lost.

it’s easy to be cool when everythings cool, but sometimes, i think, he wants to see if we will act ugly when ugly things come our way.

pleasantly surprise him.

life is short. surround yourself with people who act honorably around you. and when they fail, as we all do, forgive them and move on.

you have no idea what they’re going through or how badly they need a second chance. give it to them.

did something dumb

Posted on December 23, 2020 by tony

the day started out good. amber woke me up just after noon and we just stared at each other

and she said youre the hottest man alive

and i said

damn straight.

then she said, can you get out of here for a few hours today.

and i said

damn straight.

first stop was this purple church ive seen a million times.

earlier this month we saw a dead guy being examined by the coroner at the los feliz triangle. while we were there i asked the two guys looking if they were journalists. one was the other said he worked at this purple church

and you could get showers there for free.

and they were always looking for clothing donations.

who among us doesnt have a few coats we could give up, and that turned into like six bags of clothes that ended up in my trunk… for nearly three weeks.

today i finally went and they were so great. my buddy brian was there. the guy running the joint was there and as we talked i asked, hey can i get this on video, people need to know. and he was all sure.

so then i emailed that traveling youtuber living in his car because he’s been taking cold showers in Venice.

then i drove to claremont to see rob, his wife, his mother n law and his teenage son.

we all just could not stop talking because we have all been quarantining so long and they have really done a spectacular job with their trees and lights and art and gadgets.

at one point i pointed and said, why do you have this if you have that?

carrie said, thats a jacuzzi and that’s a hot tub. they’re different.

i was sent home with some fruit, berries, and a spotted aloe plant.

and also i am invited back to talk to carrie’s mom whose family was so strict that they wouldn’t let her dance. ever.

she said the first time she ever danced was at rob and carrie’s wedding.

if i only knew i was witnessing history.

on the way home i stopped by walmart and saw this Christmas tree was being sold for $0.

before i could even understand what i was seeing, a sweet young lady saw me and asked, are you going to take it?

things that are cool to do in a mercedes: blast iron maiden

things that are not cool to do in a mercedes: tell a lady driving the not a mercedes that she cannot have the free tree.

the dumb thing i did was go into the walmart looking for baseball cards

because baseball cards are not worth catching a terrible disease.