took a long walk on a long pier today

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heres the thing about life in general

you can complain in your blog if you want but the more you look around

the more you read about people and watch on video

and holograms and ESP and fourth dimension vibrations

the more you realize you just might have it a little better than a lot of them

so stop whining.

took a long walk through some of the nice houses in los feliz

it was 88 degrees, soon to be 90

so everyone was out which was sad because i had to keep crossing from this sidewalk to that one

to avoid ppl

but there were some blocks where there wasnt a soul

and i pulled down my mask and breathed it all in

and it was flowers blossoming from chopped off tree limbs

it was cookies being baked through an open window

it was weed being toked at a construction site.

is it terribly dangerous to go outside right now here in LA?

yes.

but is it rewarding if you survive?

no comment.

i miss weird things about her

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i will see a video of hers or a IG story of mine

and i will hear her laugh or how she says something

and it will make me cry

she picked up most of the rest of her things today

she gave me heads up so i drove to santa clarita

my phone notifies me when the security cam goes on

and i saw her enter the apartment and that made me cry

how will she survive?

she made me food, cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes before she left

we had the sweetest relationship because we knew it was doomed

so i did all i could for her

and she would do nice things like that

i want to save her so badly

she is so good inside

the world has been so fucking bad to her

but i cant get in there

the demons have built the most complex wall around her

any time i got close they would yell at her to make me stop

i talked for a long time tonight with AJ and then Chris hepburn

im crying now

its nice to have some more space in the closets and drawers

but if she came back next week it would be damn near impossible for me to say no to her

because i do love her

very badly

even know things are

very bad.

its so hard to concentrate

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the world is literally changing every hour here right now.

people are trying to impeach Trump now 9 days before his term is up.

mitch mcconnell is hiding in his shell so the Senate won’t be forced to have a vote and out those who still want to pretend that the elections were fixed.

now theres word that there are helicopters buzzing around the VPs residence signaling what? a quick escape? an implementation of new staff because Trump has resigned?

then every hour or so theres video released of this traitor or that one being arrested for breaking into the Congress and vandalizing and looting.

how am i supposed to do anything more than click at things and read and watch and laugh and cry.

why cry? because people in California are dying in droves every hour due to COVID.

the only safe place is in your home, alone. which is so unnatural for social animals.

speaking of animals: a half dozen gorillas at the San Diego wildlife park are said to have gotten COVID.

i need to work.

i need to nap.

i need to do anything other than have the tv on and the newspapers strewn and the Twitter reminding me that this will be the longest 9 days ever.

all hells been breaking loose

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just know that the first week of 2021 felt as crazy as its wikipedia is probably saying it was

i havent been writing much because ive been working on getting a good job

and ive been doing a little something on the side for a good person

and ive been dealing with this and that and

i just want you to know that even though things are nuts right now

i feel good about where this is all headed

which is weird.

why is it that some of us feel more comfortable in the eye of the hurricane

than sipping on a hurricane under a palm tree at the beach?

im so grateful that the Good Lord equipped me with all the tools that id need

good friends, a great mom

and six pack abs that bring all the ladies to the yard

im also grateful that i was raised to read newspapers

and brought to libraries

and taught to code from my coder momma

garbage in, garbage out, she told us.

and she aint never lied.

today the capitol police let an angry mob invade congress

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everyone knew they were coming.

the president said he was looking forward to seeing everyone there.

and they showed up and for some reason the national guard wasnt there waiting

for some reason the few capitol police who could do anything opened the gates and let them in

then when they were inside the cops didnt say much other than

happy new year

then hell broke loose

then all of congress had to hide

one congresslady was in a room with a bunch of republicans and they werent wearing masks

so she was all, excuse me, im going to go to a worse hiding place

with less room, but at least i’ll be around people with masks.

four people died.

one lady died because she was trying to bust through and a cop just shot her. dead.

another guy accidentally tasered himself and got a heart attack.

which is why i say this to you:

i love you.

im sorry im not always there for you.

im sorry im a fucking weirdo times infinity.

im sorry that i might freak out and freak people out sometimes

but what we all learned today was some people can get away with anything they want

they can go into secure areas, scale walls, assault officers

waltz into the speaker of the house’s anteroom and steal her mail.

and then walk back to their comped fancy hotel room.

what we learned is i am not one of those people who gets away with much.

which is ok.

today amber was all, im realizing you have a hard life.

i said nah.

she said yeah.

i said hard is sleeping in a tent right now under the hollywood freeway.

or worse:

wishing you had a tent.

this is a picture of me and my mom in Georgia

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back when i was first learning about Government.

i asked, how many Black senators are there?

she said, are you kidding?

i asked, all of them?

she said none of them fool!

and her friend laughed so hard she nearly dropped her baby.

so then i asked, well you can see into the future,

when will the first senator from Georgia get elected?

and she said, you will be bald and fat before that happens.

i said what?

she said, the other party will have to do everything wrong, repeatedly, loudly, they’ll have to withhold vital relief money from the entire state, they’ll have to be cowardly, and unusually evil.

and then, my sweet boy, then Georgia will hire a Black man for Senate.

and she rubbed my little snow cap and aimed me at my grandpa holding the camera

and i closed my eyes and thought

bald?

i had a hard time sleeping last night

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shouldnt i?

death is literally around every corner.

i was at the store last week and i heard someone sneeze and i darted in the opposite direction like it was a shotgun blast

on that trip i also got a covid test in a church parking lot and today they called

but because it was coming from some 714 area code i was all, pass.

they left a message saying they had my test results and i should call back.

i was scared to death! i had been up all night with constipation, and then the opposite and when i wake up in the middle of the night i have a hard time going back to sleep, especially with the world imploding

so i called back asap and they were all, you’re good.

and i wanted to yell: couldn’t you just have texted me that? or emailed? or left that on the message?

why make me call back? i know its a medical thing, but if there’s not a virus, it’s not medical. it’s nothing. it’s the opposite of Anything.

let me check a box off on the form where I let you text me a big thumbs up if im negative.

life doesnt need to be hard.

life is hard enough.

thank God i have Tums and the Lord above looking out for me when im dumb enough to leave my home.

no more home leaving for a while.

today the 101 cafe was shut down forever

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it was a throwback to all things mid century modern

on the ground floor of best western

at the foot of the hollywood hills

next to the 101 hollywood freeway.

it looked exactly like a place your grandparents ate breakfast at when they were dating

rascals.

usually packed with hipsters,

jet setters,

and locals,

i know i ate there at least four or five times but not one memory of the food or the company come to mind.

it was perfectly fine in every way.

i dont even remember there being any issues parking, which is saying something in that part of town.

its shutting down

COVID

i wonder if best western thinks how hard is it to make eggs and bacon

sandwiches and whatnot?

i wonder if they think just any old thing would work in there

just because of the legend and momentum

just keep everything looking the same,

lease it out to film productions until everyone has a vaccine

and then find a young chef who knows how to make avocado toast

and mimosas

and call it a day?

put like a mini starbucks in there or something

is that what someones thinking up in corporate?

or worse are they thinking about making it a starbucks

plug and play

bing bam boom

bobs yr uncle

but heres the problem with that

lorde and sally draper arent gonna wanna chill at the starbucks under the best western

which, i hate to say it

was one of the nice things about that place

even the stars loved it there even though theyd probably get seen.

that sort of joint is rare here.

no offense

people are moving out of LA, and that’s fine

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they heading out to texas and the deep south and vegas, florida

anywhere where there arent state income taxes and homelessness and traffic and insane real estate prices

and i am on top of runyun canyon, where lemmy posed for this picture,

and im pointing east saying that way fuckers

that way.

like mr motorhead, ive lived in hollywood now 37% of my life. all in this 1 bedroom apt.

lemmy had a 1bd in hollywood too.

lately ive been watching videos on youtube of people moving out of LA buying houses.

and i look at other videos of people around the world: bali, manila, mexico city, india, tokyo to see what its like there

how much they spend on rent, what they do for fun

and the weirdest thing happened: i realized i have it good here.

thanks to 5 years driving uber, if you give me a cross street i pretty much know where it is and whats around it.

and how to get there quickest.

do i want to explore? of course.

but the more i talk with people the more i learn how little i know about this place.

how little i know about the history and what makes people tick.

would it be nice to have a pool and a hot tub and a dishwasher, yes.

but it’s also nice not to have to start all over

even if it’s on a tropical isle

with a rooftop cabana

and maids that come whenever you want

for six bucks.