i get a lot of mail.

and ive lost a lot of mail.

this one very nice canadian writes and ask me how i can go on calling chris (pictured) my “true love” and expect for elegible bachelorettes to feel comfortable in comparison or blah blah blah…

all you need to know canada and mexico for that matter is peoples minds can change and right now i think chris is the greatest.

want me to lie?

best thing about her? wants nothing to do with me.

how great is that?

second best thing about her?

loves me as much as i love her.

she thought i was upset with her because shes dating a republican and the other day we were saying goodnite to each other and it would have been interesting to overhear her say and i swear hes not a republican i swear.

i always feel better when im around her. without fail.

i know what unconditional love is because of her.

its annoying.

you cant turn it off.

but i will find a new true love. and if i dont, and if chris hasnt gotten married when shes 88, i will knock her walker over with my rascal and i will fall on her and kiss her cheeks good right there in the rite aid and ive told this to her and she laughs and then coughs cuz shes turning into a smoker, bitch.

but i aint kidding.

my rascals gonna find your ass

at the rite aid

anti + one for the thumb + raymi + splink, my role model + modern prometheus

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