and she pulled down her jeans and it sat there like a cloud

natural

blonde isnt the word for it cuz it was so fair it wasnt fair platinum in a good way silvery gold.

heathery.

as if pussy wasnt a mystery enough at twenty.

and this girl was sweet and knew music but lived in orange county. so this night would be it princess capulet.

who knew voting would be so competitive she said and lifted off her sweater.

and bluecad likes her caddys and i liked mine.

formerly my grandmothers seventy six sedan de ville. grey. red leather interior. maroon really.

there once was a girl in malibu when i lived in inglewood and i worked in west la and i would sometimes drop her off after a nice long night

and drive through the curvy darkness of pch at two am careful not to hit celebrities and sea gulls

and some nights i wouldnt make it all the way home, i would park in the back of the record store i worked at and id sleep in that backseat

in those days for some reason they wouldnt think twice about a guy sleeping in his car.

in those days you could smoke pretty much everywhere.

and in those days they played music videos on the music video station.

but as great as those days were my friends there werent little clouds floating below every girls belly chain

and this is what i have to say about that

if you meet a girl that you like

and everything seems to be going okay

hang in there buddy

even if her name is a palindrome.

sandrine + keli + feministe

are saturdays, which could mean two things:

a) enjoy the freedom

b) try to do something that makes people remember to come here on saturdays

the best idea of course is Sex Saturdays

most people want to see titties and read dirty stories on the busblog but most of them are reading from work and most of us dont have big fancy private offices so you sorta have to keep it clean if youre trying to hit a certain demographic

its not that i dont want to appeal to the lowest common purient intrest, shit. but thats greasy kids stuff that anyone can do.

so the idea was on Saturdays people would be at home dickin around playing tetris or whatever people do on saturdays on their home computer, so if a M-F reader knew that they were going to get a bonus for coming back to their second favorite blog on the weekend, maybe they would.

and on it i would show naked pictures of like, say, tara reid whose dress seemed to slip off her shoulder the other night at puff daddys 38th birthday party revealing a boob job, which upon closer examination is really something to sue over, not expose willingly.

the text would be dripping of detailed explorations of my sexual past which has been full my friends and definately worth reviewing because seriously half the time i say, that shit happened to me? im as average as any light skinned black american can be. so most of the stories would be along the lines of, “i was sitting there doing nothing like the lameass that i was and the lameass that i am now. when a knock came from the back. i put down my pornography and went to the door. there she was, tanned, smiley, and thank god above drunk as shit and dying to bone.”

(im not saying it would be particularily good. im just saying it would be different than say what you normally read on here on most days.)

and then i would go into the wild night with as much attention to detail as one would hope for from a man who was trained that a reporter goes places the reader cannot go and tells the story with a punchy lede, facts, quotes, and details. the daily nexus taught me how to sneak some humor in there when noones lookin.

which brings us to the point of all of this.

which is yes i want to bring back the concept of sex saturday, only problem is this, how does one do it in such a way that people are rewarded for coming here on the weekend, but not (un)pleasantly suprised by bosoms as they scroll down the page on monday morn?

i didnt have the answer for that until today

what you do is you write whatever bullshit youre going to write on saturday, but when youre done you link to a webpage off of the blog that leads to the sexy story you want to tell.

like so.

and i wish i could take credit for this simple and perfect solution, but i cant. the hat tip needs to go to the cheerleader from the other night who for the sake of confusion we will call anna kournikova who was so excited to be mentioned on this blog that she told me she had baked chocolate chip cookies and wanted to bring them to me after the game tonight.

and as i was thanking her she said oh my god, stop, and i wiped my mouth with the duvee and crawled up next to her and she said i figured out how to bring back sex saturday

and i wonder, can you fall in love with a girl after just three dates?

a very special matt welch post + a picture is worth 420 words + i heart flagrant + wtf stoked me first

yes they dont have a cd coming out any time soon.

yes they are no longer on disney-owned hollywood records who are more interested in pimping out the new hillary duff cd because of her scary talent.

yes they are recording their third cd as we speak

and yes i was invited to go to the taping but it happens too early in the evening for me to attend but i still wanted to let you know that

yes, tsar will be on the Late Late Show, formerly hosted by craig kilbourn.

how did this happen?

how did an unsigned band who does not have an album out does not have a video out is not on any world tour get a national tv opportunity?

because Tsar really is that good

and their legend and majesty matches up with their live shows.

and because when they played the Late Late Show a few years ago they rocked the house.

and because when one of the big wigs of the show saw a beautiful young woman wearing a tsar tshirt he said, “wow, Tsar, my favorite band. those guys are destined for fame really soon.”

and the woman said, “i think so too, but i might be the wrong person to ask as my husband is their manager.”

and the big wig said, “have your husband call me, i’d love to have them on the show.”

and thats how things are done in LA, it all matters who you know and how hard you rock.

so America, heres your chance to see rock history

the first time an unsigned band will perform on national tv despite not having anything to sell

other than love.

tune in Monday November 8 around midnight on CBS to see Tsar on the Late Late Show

you’ll be better because of it.

yes, even you mariah.

vertical hold + opera dork + guinness and poker + ryan mcgee

why should i? that new senator in south carolina isnt ashamed to say that he doesnt want unwed mothers or homosexuals as teachers.

i love moore’s movies, i loved his tv shows.

im not crazy about his interviews, and his website/blog rarely interests me and i dont believe ive ever linked to it.

until today.

here are most of his points: 17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists… by Michael Moore

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let’s, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday’s election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush’s victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush’s win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn’t worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don’t try to figure this one out. It’s an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won’t be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say “if the Democrats do their job?” Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut — a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush’s support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn’t such a long time! If you’re ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won’t have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It’s always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can’t.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don’t want them to go away.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he’s having this week. It’s all downhill for him from here on out — and, more significantly, he’s just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It’ll be like everyone’s last month in 12th grade — you’ve already made it, so it’s party time! Perhaps he’ll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn’t he? He’s already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn’t ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building “a legacy” so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant — and thus, reckless — that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans — 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That’s not a landslide — it means we’re almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying — especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed “The #1 Liberal in the Senate.” That’s more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this — that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals — that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that’s BIG news. Which means, don’t expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it’s better that they don’t. We’ll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, “My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, ‘Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country — it doesn’t even need a president!'”

But it needs us. Rest up, I’ll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore

aaron clemens + stacy + lolipops and roses + brett

tonight 11/5

laurie anderson, royce hall

cameo, malibu inn

death cab for cutie, wiltern

dirty dozen brass band, house of blues

unkle, pearl

america, vault 350

tomorrow 11/6

lou reed + j mascis + the walkmen + modest mouse, queen mary

laurie anderson, royce hall

the tubes, the canyon

moris tepper, knitting factory

bela fleck, wiltern

colder, the echo

delgados, amoeba (free)

sunday 11/7

flaming lips + stephen malkmus + eagles of death metal + peaches + built to spill + the shins, queen mary

modeski martin and wood, avalon

juvenile, vault 350

monday 11/8

camper van beethoven, amoeba (free)

diana ross, pantages

john cale, key club

gary busey, house of blues

tuesday 11/9

and you will know us by the trail of dead, roxy

something corporate, house of blues

wednesday 11/10

THE DWARVES + dragonfly

tegan and sara, el rey

dogs die in hot cars, troubador

thursday 11/11

morrissey, universal

too $hort, vault 350

wolf eyes, echo

bad wizard, spaceland

sally kellerman, roxy

hell is a closed door + laist + blogging.la

right before the civil war.

and in my 111 years, ive never felt the nation more divided more bitter more righteous.

and knucklehead who just got reelected, i think we can all agree, aint no abe lincoln. so, in a way, we’re fucked and headed for some nasty times.

now, to be honest, and you know we keep things real on the busblog… but i couldn’t give a fuck the red states.

and im sure they could just as easily say, you know what, fuck the blue states right back.

which is exactly what the terrorists want us to do.

whoever the fuck they are.

which is another symptom of our national imbalance.

so i think we should agree to disagree as a nation on some major points before shit goes down, not because im afraid of any of you redsters, i just have enough shit to deal with without having to worry about the annoyance of a second civil war.

which is probably a little overdue, but whatever.

what will solve it is The Great 2005 Compromise

first we need to agree that jesusland shouldn’t happen. cali and oregon and washington and the big ten and the northeast shouldn’t join up with canada.

canada deserves better.

so no secession.

next we need to give states some powers that they dont have right now.

let the states who dont want gay marriages to not have to perform them, but they must acknowledge them in the same way that they currently recognize marriages from other states, or even countries.

in return the blue states need allow the red majority up to two wars a year. as long as they come in under budget. yes there should be a war budget and those monies need to be collected before said war(s).

if they are then no one in america can be allowed to talk any shit, especially in the press.

meanwhile the red states need to allow the blue states to grow sell and use marijuana. not just medical weed, all weed. a man shouldn’t have to be terminal to have a legal high. and if the red states dont want to join in, fine. but where do you think youre getting the tax revenues for your two wars a year – pot tax – so lightem if you got em.

in return abortion can be illegal in all cities with less than 500,000 people. if you look at the map, most of the people who vote blue live in big cities. they are also the ones who want a woman to have the right to choose. if someone from the suburbs or from a state with no big cities wants an abortion, she can get a ride or take the bus to the nearest city and get it handled there.

if a non-profit or philanthropist wants to donate a bus ticket to planned parenthood who will arrange for safe transport of the woman, then fine. but roe v wade needs to be protected. you get your wars, we get to have abortions if we need them.

also you get to keep bush jr in office. you say you like him, odds are in the next six months hes going to do more stupid things, the blue states should agree not to impeach his ass for one of the many fucked up things hes responsible for.

in return there needs to be supreme court reform. this wackiness where a president could pack the court with four new judges that match his ideals is… well… partisan. and wasn’t the whole purpose of the courts that they were impartial? well that doesn’t seem to be working out so well, so let the dnc pick four and let the rnc pick four. let the people approve the nominees until there are four from each of the two parties.

and finally, voting should take place over a period of three days. there shouldn’t be any need for paper ballots or long lines. theres a lot of unemployed people these days, for a few of them to have a week’s work for something as important as an election is a good iea.

the fourth day will be National Ballot Counting Day. cuz seriously, whats the rush? i want a fair and accurate count. no need to do it in the middle of the night with the manmade pressure of network cameras all up in their grill, allow one full day to count the votes and on friday at twelve noon eastern time, the results will be read aloud and people can accept or concede. and you should be forced to show ID when you vote. i wasnt asked for my ID and neither were a lot of people i know. thats silly.

not everyone is going to like what the “other” side is getting but thats all part of the compromise. its about tough choices and tolerance.

and courage and trust in your fellow american.

its a real compromise where people who live where they do can live the lives that they want to and those who disagree can live their lives without retribution or ridicule.

which is what this fine land was founded on.

that and giving the finger to the oppressor

so lets make this happen before it gets uglier.

virginia + no matt + i am a slampig + photos from the instapundit

and when youre as old as i am you can sorta enjoy it without worrying that you’ll end the play before the third act if you know what i mean.

cute girl. sweet. wonderful really. but something was missing. somethings always missing.

she was liking what she was doing and i was liking watching her.

sometimes it helps to think of something else other than the fact that theres an nba cheerleader on my ikea oriental rug but like i said, im old, i dont need to think about those things.

and any girl that ive been with in the last decade can tell you that theres only one way that i can finish and its not that way

which is a bonus for most

but for her it was a challenge.

she had called me at work and said that she wanted to do what no other had done

i said knock yourself out.

so we drank some wine we held hands and watched southpark we played footsies and before you knew it she was doing her thing.

and something has happened since the days when i was a lad.

in those days you couldnt put your hand on the girls head. you couldnt say anything mean like yeah bitch yeah, even if you were just kidding.

you couldnt even really do it right there in front of the tv with the lakers on

it was all part of one huge smorgasborg which had to end with her whipping her head from one side to another saying oh my god oh my god.

but this is LA and this is 2004 and some girls want to prove to themselves and to you that theyre better than the others

this is an era where girls will do things to guys that you’d have had to beg for in the olden days, but nowadays they’ll do it if there aint shit on hbo and theyre bored.

these are the golden years.

as long as your name isnt adolf and you dont smell like feet the world is your oyster my friends

especially in california where i have always been surprised by how gracious people can be.

and i focused real hard for a minute

and i tried, i swear i did

but finally i had to say stop stop stop

and she said mmmmmph-no

and i said yeah come on stop, its cool.

and she took off her go go boots and climbed onto the couch with me

and minutes later the neighbors heard ohmygod ohmygod yes yes yes

and the legend will last another day in the lockerroom where the cheerleaders compare notes

in hollywood.

goldberg + sutter + chokey chicken + sk smiff

“Do you hear that knocking…President Bush’s re-election is at the door.”

“This race is hotter than the Devil’s anvil.”

“His lead is as thin as turnip soup.”

“This race is humming along like Ray Charles.”

“The presidential race is swinging like Count Basie.”

“This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex.”

“Ohio becomes like a sauna for the two candidates. All they can do is wait and sweat.”

“One’s reminded of that old saying, ‘Don’t taunt the alligator until after you’ve crossed the creek.'”

“Bush is sweeping through the South like a big wheel through a cotton field.”

“What Kerry needs at this point is the equivalent of Tom Brady coming off the bench to rescue him. But it’s still too close to call.”

“No question now that Kerry’s rapidly reaching the point where he’s got his back to the wall, his shirttails on fire and the bill collector’s at the door.”

“John Kerry needs something on the order of a 55 or 60-yard field goal to win this.”

(To Joe Lockhart) “I know that you’d rather walk through a furnace in a gasoline suit than consider the possibility that John Kerry would lose Ohio.”

(To Joe Lockhart) “What about Michigan? It’s been out there for a long time. Is that making your fingernails sweat?”

“This presidential race has been crackling like a hickory fire for at least the last hour and a half.”

“Let’s see where it goes from here. Round and round it goes, where it stops nobody knows.”

“We keep talking about Ohio if you’ve been tuning in and out or you put the baby to bed or you went to pop the cap on an adult, or otherwise, beverage…”

“We used to say if a frog had side pockets, he’d carry a handgun.”

“No one is saying that George Bush is not going to win the election, and if you had to bet the double-wide, you’d have to bet that he’d win.”

“In southern states they beat him like a rented mule.”

“If you try to read the tea leaves before the cup is done you can get yourself burned.”

“We need Billy Crystal to Analyze This”

“You know that old song, ‘it’s delightful, it’s delicious, it’s de-lovely’ for President Bush in most areas of the country.”

“We had a slight hitch in our giddy up, but we corrected that.”

“In some ways, George Bush’s lead is as thin as November ice.”

“Put on a cup of coffee, this race isn’t going to be over for a while.”

“You look at the map and say it’s all a big Bush victory. But this is one time when your Mother is right, looks can be deceiving.”

“John Kerry’s moon has just moved behind a cloud, as far as Florida is concerned.”

On Kerry’s chances: “To use a metaphor, he’s gotta draw to an inside straight. But hey, sometimes you get lucky and hit that straight.”

“Is it like a swan, with every feather above the water settled, but under the water paddling like crazy?”

What you have here is the football equivalent of a fourth quarter rally by Kerry.”

The election is “closer than Lassie and Timmy”

“Keep in mind they are teetotally meetmortally convinced they have Ohio won.”

“”Vice President Dick Cheney would not have flown all the way out there (Hawaii) overnight and put that lei around his neck and sort of hula-danced, if you will, unless he thought there was a chance of carrying that out there.”

“President Bush smiling there with his family. He’s laid down aces so far.”

“You can almost hear the GOP (deep breathing sound). We’re getting within maybe smelling distance.”

“We don’t know what to do. We don’t know whether to wind a watch or bark at the moon.”

On how the results are affecting strategists: “It’s one reason so many of them drink a lot.”

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), on being congratulated on victory by Rather: “Thanks Dan, I always believe you.” Rather: “Now, ladies and gentleman, if you believe that, you’ll believe rocks can grow.”

“Could be game set and match Republicans.”

“They’re about first and goal from 4 yards out.”

“Tight as the pages in a book.”

“President Bush is hoping to ace his first midterm.”

“Crackling like a hickory fire.”

“Two hands worth of white knuckle still hanging ten.”

“Reminds you of that old Will Rogers line, it takes a lot of money just to get beaten.”

“It’s beginning to get exciting as the Democrats’ fingernails are starting to sweat”

dobleblog + strangblog + my lovely wife moxie + just a girl

my blog, The blog and try to tell me to stop “ranting”.

when they came here for the first time probably Because of a rant.

what they should say is “quit ranting about things that i disagree with you about, because it makes me sad.”

asking tony pierce to back off on the ranting is like asking jim henson to take it easy with the puppets.

a while back people asked that i stop writing about politics.

yesterday i got twice as many hits as normal Because people wanted to read what i had to say about the election.

then tons of people thanked me and encouraged me regarding what i had to say.

the lesson is, blog what is real for you. dont listen to the negative commentors. meanwhile take the praise with a grain of salt but dont feed off it.

last month the busblog got more hits than any other month over the last year. some of it was due to the washington post and some of it was due to mr. wil wheaton, my new best friend.

but the majority of it was due to average blogs and bloggers and their readers who bookmark this page not to find out which cheerleader waxed my pole but to read what i have to say about a variety of topics

including counting the ways that the leader of the free world is an imbecile.

which is why it baffles me when regular readers get their boxers in a bunch when they come here the day after the elections and see that my nipples arent as hard as theirs are.

the lakers suck. anna kournikova is long gone. the elections are over but like a fart ripped by a herd of elephants, the residue is wafting in the air.

and im here to write it down for posterity.

so yes im going to write down all of it

and that includes knocking the pundits who got it wrong about why the “red” states voted the way that they did.

which wasnt because they loved this president so much, or even liked what he did over the last four years

and it wasnt because they read the Bible and saw some passage that said to shoot first hans.

they voted the way that they did because 9/11 made them piss their pants.

and the idea of gays gaining rights is something that they arent at all comfortable with.

my belief is america doesnt believe that anyone could have prevented 9/11

but someone can stop the gays.

and the gaystopper got re-elected.

if you have a different opinion i will never tell you not to voice it, which is the difference between freedom loving independents like myself and conservatives whose first intinct is to stop people from doing things.

orange zen + wtf + candied ginger

gays are already married.

where it matters.

“let no man break apart what the Lord has joined.”

to me that means no man. not even you.

but its cool, i know you didnt show up in droves to win the election for bush.

mostly cuz youre not that big of a number: actual bible-thumping american Christians who think moralities should be legistlated by government.

and even if you were a sizable number, how many of you truly support a leader who invades another country because they seemed dangerous.

all that fighting and mayhem and blood and guts, but exactly how many pre-emptive strikes do you remember in the bible?

how many times did you see God or His chosen ones attack another nation so that they wouldnt attack them first?

i remember one.

the flood.

and afterwards the Lord felt so bad about it he created the rainbow to remind mankind that he would never do anything like that again.

Christians don’t believe in pre-emptive strikes.

And Christians, real Christians when they’re afraid trust in the Lord – not guns, not armies.

In Rumsfeld we trust?

I don’t think so.

There were two biblical ways to handle 9/11: the old school old testament way of “an eye for an eye” which would mean that since Osama and the majority of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudi, that we would strike back at… well, Saudi Arabia.

or the new school, Christian teaching of “turn the other cheek.”

bombing, invading, and occupying iraq doesn’t fit in with either of those teachings.

Christians voting from a biblical Christian place in their hearts would actually vote *against* president Bush.

those weren’t Christians who voted for the president the other night.

those were people who don’t believe in a higher, spiritual being rooted in love respecting our neighbors, and forgiveness

those Bush voters are people who believe in isolationism, an agressive military, and holding on to the treasures of earth – not the promise of a heavenly reward.

even though i disagree with them doesn’t mean that i don’t love them or respect them

but i wouldn’t deem them as Christian just cuz they don’t live in big cities.

in fact the people who live in the cities and states that were the targets of the 9/11 terrorism (new york, penn., and d.c.) actually voted against Bush. many of the victims of the airplanes that crashed were from mass. and california, those two states voted against Bush too.

are we to speculate that those states believe that their safety is better in the hands of someone other than bush?

i think so.

and to be honest, i dont think spirituality has anything to do with it.

i think most of the united states who didnt vote to re-elect the president would be very interested to find out why people voted the way that they did, but to assume that it was the Christian vote just doesnt match up with Christian teaching or even common sense.

but i forgive them.

culture kitchen + after the debauchery + jim gilliam + ray garraud