dear anne frank,

how could i fall asleep thinking that i pissed on your 75th birthday by being upset about advertising on a blog? the dumbest shit of all time. something that ive always been against and here i am caught up in it just like the naysayers predicted. im the most selfish man alive and im sorry.

you were in an attic for two years having to tip-toe and whisper and pray that the nazis werent gonna find you and here i am carrying on like the end of the world cuz im not going to be able to sit in my pajamas and write worthless bullshit on a computer and enjoy my summer.

its three am and i just took out the trash. i hadnt been outside all day or night and i wanted to take out the trash so i did. you couldnt take out the trash if you wanted. you couldnt just walk outside and see that the neighbors hadnt rolled the garbage cans back to where my car should be parked so there was only one garbage can left and it was mostly filled.

you couldnt walk outside in the middle of the night and get spooked by a summerroach the size of a mazda sniffing around with his antennaes for some kfc bones which now he has thanks to my garbage bag of shit.

you couldnt listen to rodney on the roq all night and now stern live from nyc. you couldnt read your email any time you wanted you couldnt turn on porn so something would be on the tv other than infomercials.

you couldnt try to figure out if the pink floyd reunion was a good thing or a bad thing. you couldnt do a whole bunch of shit and you still did a whole bunch of shit. far more than i ever will.

so anne frank i know youre in heaven and today is still the sabbath according to my calculations because i havent gone to sleep yet and this is what i want you to do ms frank i want you to tune into kroq 106.7 who are playing live my chemical romance and i want you to crank it up there in heaven and i want you to know that i saw only one other blog today write about your birthday and if youre in heaven maybe you can read minds so you know ive never read your diary all the way through because i was in advanced english in high school so they for some fucked up reason thought that we had already read your diary but when the hell were we gonna read it if not in high school so they didnt give it to us

but i read enough of it on one particular summer vacation to write a paper for my friend in college who got a good enough grade that she asked me to read the bell jar for her and i was all fine and i wrote her paper on that one too. please tell me they have rock music in heaven. not just rock but real rock. superrock. fucking explosions and fire and mosh pits and shoes being thrown and violence and dual guitar attack rock music.

the sort of music that wipes its ass with my chemical romance who arent bad but have a little growing up to do but only a little. is today tuesday cuz theyre now playing a second song by them but i guess its late and they figure noone is listening but im listening and if you have an esp radio up there then youre listening too.

im sorry anne frank for remembering your birthday and then totally forgetting all about it and showing my true american colors which are so often money selfishness and whines. otherwise known as red green white and boohoo.

hey its a tripleshot of mcr here on krq and af im gonna dedicate this new book to you because despite what anonymous negative nonblogging commentors say you are the matriarch of blogging because communication even dumbass bullshit interweb communications are all important because just like you proved, if someone writes it, someone will be better because of it. and it doesnt matter how old you are or where you lived or where you died. as long as you wrote it down and were honest and delivered the goods, you did your job.

tell jimi and kurdt and walter payton that i say hey.

your pal,


oak park mastermind + city rag + german + shane

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