at dodger stadium and eric gagne struck out two in the ninth as los angeles defeated the twins so lets do a 4:20 edition of fourty minutes with tony. fuck.

vin scully was the happiest fan in the stands as Fox Sports West didnt break to commercial when Gagne got his fat canadian ass off his folding chair in the bullpen and ran through the swinging door in left field.

the camera panned from his swollen ankles up his thick legs and up his bulging gut weird beard rambis glasses and salt stained sweaty hat.

kids high fived each other, mexicans popped their collars, and the ladies took pictures with their cameraphones that will document the doings of the three rows in front of them far better than the little speck in the distance who has come back from injury and returned with vengence just ask shannon stewart who struck out on three pitches. bam.

people laugh when i reveal to them that deep down im a scientist and for a long time ive been trying to figure out how we can turn kids left handed

left handed because in baseball left handed pitchers are very rare and very important and its very difficult to teach someone how to be a great pitcher, but if you can begin by making someone left handed then youre on the right track.

the old joke was one would just tie a baby’s arm around his back but twine would cause scratches and child protective services i understand frown at such behavior, so i was thinking what about shirts for infants that look like straight jackets sorta where one arm, the left arm, would be a normal short sleeve

but the right sleeve would be a long sleeve but longer than it needed to be and at its end its sewn to the waist of the lil dickens giving the lad or lass absolutely no range of motion.

now i can hear the bleeding hearts everywhere join in a chorus of Cruelty! but really, what do little kids do except eat shit and cry. if during that early development you can aid them in becoming left handed for the purposes of getting a major league baseball contract that very well could help the cubs win the world series then the ends justify the means and my LefTee isnt gonna hurt any toddlers, it’ll just encourage them to rely on their left hand and arm. as they should.

if i could be anywhere in the world right now i would be right where i am. here at my beach house in malibu. far from the madding crowd. wishing of better situations where everyone was happy with every decision i make and every choice ive made. but life isnt fair and added to that im the biggest dipshit created. in a month i havent filed for unemployment, ive turned down great offers and i have maintained the lifestyle to which ive grown accustomed. my perfect Plan B was to selfpublish a book and sell a few hundred copies and live off that for a few months but im even slacking at that doing the incredulous which was to listen to naysayers who dont even read this blog very much. but thats me. mr. vegas. and you nevr know sometimes thats what might lead some to the right place. and deep down id rather give you a kickass book similar to what bukowski did many times which was include stories with poems poems with stories just like goober grape.

only difference is bukowskis poetry story books were better than everything. they werent afterthoughts. they werent pathetic money grabs, they werent excuses not to apply at trader joe’s or finally get that cabbie license.

women who never even knew that i had a girlfriend are offering me nudes via emails and webshows on the internets but im not interested which means im gay which i must be. something is definately wrong in denmark. im watching Bonfires of the Vanities. what am i doing watching movies on my tv. what am i doing having so many movie channels on my tv. what am i doing doing anything other than telling you more about how the cubs can win the world series before i die thanks to my army of left handed babies that will grow up and save us from this inevitable destiny of failure.

if im going to experience failure its going to come at my own two hands. intentionally. not because of any goat or because of steve bartman or because nobody wants to take a chance on danny graves or trade corey patterson for steve podsedick or however the hell you spell his name.

eighteen minutes left on this bloodletting. a good friend of the busblog wrote me a two line email today telling me that things werent going well for her so heres a shout out in her general direction. its weird having a relationship with someone for so long and not knowing very much about them outside of this blog and not knowing if what i write will please or displease and i said give me something to write about and i’ll dedicate it to you but she’s not like that and sometimes i wonder if i would be a good friend or a bad friend to her but i guess im a bad friend to my other friends so id probably be a bad friend to her too. the only thing i have found that im any good at lately is three posts a day and to be honest if i could do this every day and get enough off these ads thats all id do.

someone asked me, danielle asked me if i would be visiting her now that i had a car and i said no, that i would take pictures of places that id never really have gone to before and i will put those pictures on here. and she said but san diego is a place youd never had really gone to much before and shes blonde but she has a point. so maybe i will travel down to my least favorite california city soon. but only under protest. and if i spend more than 24 hours it will be a miracle. consider a drive to baja a bigger possibility.

ten minutes till five and a question i have to anyone who has made it down this far is this. my poems are pretty good, considering theyre poems, the redheaded stepchild of the written word and in many cases worthy of its low standing in the art-world.

my question is, would there be interest in me reading these poems in an accompanying compact disc, or is that just totally lame. ive heard bukowski read his poems and ive heard william carlos williams read his poems and if there was a bukowski book that came out with a cd of him reading his poems i would get it but im a collector of course i would get it. do people really want to read along? its not like im some urban slam poet of whom i have nothing against but thats just not me.

the good news about such a cd is they would be easy to make, cheap, and if someone wanted to make massive fun out of me id be setting that up perfectly. so i guess its settled. but i will do it only if we keep a countdown of books sold.

the goal of course would be to sell 666.

i’d make a thermometer to measure the progress.

and, naturally, i would ask for your support.

two minutes to five and fourty minutes is hella long, but not terrible. just type dont think just say the things that are there and move on. if people judge lettem judge fuckem. bad people in your life should not be given the power to stop you from doing the things that you like to do.

especially imaginary bad people who might not even exist except in your own negative thoughts. ding.

wild bell + blogging.la + freeway blogger + sean bonner

talk live on the radio, click here
and then click “Listen Live” right below the top advert.
he just called Bush the worst US president in history. classic.
update: it’s over. matt was really good. he should run for office.

ive been awake for hours which means im behind in my duties so lets begin with twenty minutes with tony.

witha five minute penalty round starting now.

a few people have emailed asking what do matt good and i talk about. the question should be what did jen good and i talk about but whatev matt and i the other day talked about blogger which is one of my favorite subjects.

is it weird that ive been unemployed for over a month and ive only had one offer to work for a blogging related company? yes it is weird. and isnt it weird that i was said no to by a blogging related company? completely.

just as weird as it is that the “how to blog” rules were posted a year ago this week and new people still link to it every day. this dude from china for example totally copied it and posted it on his blog today, and linked me. thanks bro but you forgot the part about raymi. if i had to do it again i would have reread it and given her a number so people know that linking raymi is one of the rules of blogging.

jenny asked me if i looooved raymi as in did i want to steal her from fil and seduce her with my powers and i was all nah i lust love her from afar and shes one of my bloggy gods whod id pray to if it wasnt against my religion.

why isnt my email box filled with blogging related companies offering me big salaries or even little salaries and offers to consult and offers to blog for them, and offers to help out and offers and offers and offers? i am obviously super deep in to it and the blogosphere responds every day and the last time i took a day off was after i got laid off my job and before that i hadnt taken a dayoff in months.

who doesnt want to hire someone who is that passionate about something?

maybe we are at the beginging of this trend, so therefore maybe there isnt that many opportunities in there. and maybe my getawayfromme aura which has been on fullblast lately needs to ixnay a tad ay.

so me and matt were talking about blogger which we both use and we were saying that we would love to see Catagories, which i read somewhere that they were working on and it shouldnt be all that far away. i would love catagories because i would love to seperate these twenty minute deals from the ones that i sorta pay attention to from the cd reviews from the movie reviews from the photo essays from the xbi stories from the this week in rock posts.

and if i had catagories id be able to put gasp true things in here. and it would be in a catagorie called true shit.

heres some true shit. even though most of you said that youd buy my kurt kobain stories for $20, a few of you said thats a rip off since it would only be a paltry 125 pages. and yeah its true that im unemployed and close to broke, and so therefore the flowage from Migra Dan was so unexpectedly nice

105. Migra Dan

but i would like to give you back something for your efforts. and something that youd consider a good deal. so the book Stiff which will come out this month, will not only contain all those great stories of when i died,

but it will also contain the best poetry book that i ever wrote

Ilka

and it will contain all of the best poems that i ever wrote that werent in Ilka, faves like “the best virgin marys”, “paul westerberg”, and “lets get it on”.

i know, youre thrilled

and it will contain the dirtiest story i ever wrote, a tale of lust, a tale of sex, a story of love and passion

and booze

and, yes, sin.

it still wont be close to 200 pages but it’s the best i can offer right now. im not going to hold back from the busblog, meaning im not going to write four things a day, put three on the blog and file the fourth away so i can come out with a book of “unreleased material”. the blog comes first, making money comes second. the purpose of my books arent to give you things that youve never read before theyre to give you the things that you like in a format that is more portable. and in this upcoming edition, to give you a nice big picture of karisa on the cover as a bonus.

that alone is worth twenty bones

twenty five autographed.

our time is done go in peace.

yes i felt the earthquake + danielle called me + antis guide to frying in highschool

people who would take the technology of their day, which for some were pens and for others, pencils, and write in notebooks, or blank books, or lockable books called diaries.

there were no comments sections, or ads, or pictures (usually), just words, about that person’s life, as dull as it might be.

everyday on the blogosphere you can read people say that their lives are boring and they have nothing to say and theyre not important and what they think doesnt matter.

however, anne frank lived in a one-room attic for over two years with seven other people. most of the time they had to be silent. when you visit amsterdam you have to go, the place is tiny. as in tiny. you dont think that would stifle the writing process of todays average blogger? well it didnt stop miss frank who knocked out the most popular and important diary of all time.

today she would have been 75 years old.

here are some exerpts from her offline journal:

On the Deportations

“Our many Jewish friends and acquaintances are being taken away in droves. The Gestapo is treating them very roughly and transporting them in cattle cars to Westerbork, the big camp in Drenthe to which they’re sending all the Jews….If it’s that bad in Holland, what must it be like in those faraway and uncivilized places where the Germans are sending them? We assume that most of them are being murdered. The English radio says they’re being gassed.” – October 9, 1942

On Nazi Punishment of Resisters

“Have you ever heard the term ‘hostages’? That’s the latest punishment for saboteurs. It’s the most horrible thing you can imagine. Leading citizens–innocent people–are taken prisoner to await their execution. If the Gestapo can’t find the saboteur, they simply grab five hostages and line them up against the wall. You read the announcements of their death in the paper, where they’re referred to as ‘fatal accidents.” – October 9, 1942

“All college students are being asked to sign an official statement to the effect that they ‘sympathize with the Germans and approve of the New Order.” Eighty percent have decided to obey the dictates of their conscience, but the penalty will be severe. Any student refusing to sign will be sent to a German labor camp.” – May 18, 1943

On Writing and Her Diary

“When I write, I can shake off all my cares.” – April 5, 1944

Describing her Despair

“I’ve reached the point where I hardly care whether I live or die. The world will keep on turning without me, and I can’t do anything to change events anyway. I’ll just let matters take their course and concentrate on studying and hope that everything will be all right in the end.” – February 3, 1944

“…but the minute I was alone I knew I was going to cry my eyes out. I slid to the floor in my nightgown and began by saying my prayers, very fervently. Then I drew my knees to my chest, lay my head on my arms and cried, all huddled up on the bare floor. A loud sob brought me back down to earth…” – April 5, 1944

On Her Old Country, Germany

“Fine specimens of humanity, those Germans, and to think I’m actually one of them! No, that’s not true, Hitler took away our nationality long ago. And besides, there are no greater enemies on earth than the Germans and Jews.” – October 9, 1942

On Still Believing

“It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.

“It’s utterly impossible for me to build my life on a foundation of chaos, suffering and death. I see the world being slowly transformed into a wilderness, I hear the approaching thunder that, one day, will destroy us too, I feel the suffering of millions. And yet, when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that everything will change for the better, that this cruelty too shall end, that peace and tranquility will return once more” – July 15, 1944

anne frank center + anne frank museum + anne frank stuff on ebay

in your honor
capital records

as long as this record is on im going to blog. im going to eat chocolate, start smoking, drink diet dr pepper, watch britney and kevin on tivo and listen to david grohl totally shred all over this apartment whose window is open and whose christmas lights are burning out whose floors and shelves and crevices and sofa cushions and carpets and corners and dishes and everything are dirty.

and dirtiest of them all is the king of this castle who is appearing in a very bizarre guest starring role in an odd episode of his so called life where in this episode people will say yes yes yes and others will say no no no and those who will say yes will be ones who dont usually say yes about anything and those who will say no youd never expect that theyd ever say no in a zillion years. are you telling me that you are going to have something to do with blogging and you want to take it to a bigger higher level and you dont think the busblog can get you there?

say what you will about the quality of this shit over the last year but the hits have doubled and i dont think i took a day off for even a day this year. you dont want that sort of horse on your stage coach? shit. that would be like if rock said to grohl that they didnt care that kurt was dead that they didnt need dave around neither. you know how much money rock has made off dave grohl solo records? tons. more than ringo solo records i’ll tell you that right now.

best of you is on now. what a great song. me and chris and carlisa, not karisa, carlisa from pink cookies went to see the foo fighters many moons ago with the D opening and it was awesome. of course we had great seats cuz im a black man and we always have the best tickets. ha. but grohl was amazing and this song just shows that hes still got it. i cant say i was crazy about the last record but this one puts him right back in there in that middle of the road for kroq pop sweet spot and its not easy to – listen to me – its not easy to be in that chewy chocolately center without causing cavities or rotting out of stalenation or looking gay which has always been coldplays problem because only someone would coldplay would marry someone named gwenyth and name their baby apple and the first person who doesnt call that gay is a fucking liar and theres nothing worse than that particularily in the blogosphere.

see you in hell is track four on in your honor and the phone might be ringing but i cant hear it and the answering machine is full as it always is but i dont care why would i care. kevin has his shiteating grin and this week they showed her saying that she found her soulmate and i looked at dumbass her and i looked at dumbass him and i was all welp guess you did honey. i have no problems with britney. shes no different than any other young chick out there looking for her romeo and ending up with a federline and saying eh why the hell not. hell is only 1:57. thats punk rock dave. -ish.

DOA is next. and its good. what is this five tunes and three and a half are good. im inpressed. dont you remember when In Utero came out and kurdt was saying that dave co-wrote that one screaming song. like the superdooper screaming and yelling crazy song that you just sorta skip past when you listen to that record? dont you remember when kurdt in interviews was all yeah its nice not to have to write all the songs all the time and you were all whhhaaaa? you think kurdt knew that dave really could right songs like this? and all the songs he’s written over the last ten years. i mean ballads, rockers, the shit he did with probot. the shit he did with the queens. tremendous. im totally impressed. but maybe the thing i liked the most was when he did London Calling with elvis costello springsteen and miami steve. awesome.

(photo by swayframe)

the last song is on now. theres a layer of lacquer on these tunes. a foo fighter filter. its thick this layer. like how it sounds when twins sing. its too right on the mark. its over done. i dont like that layer. theres no rough edges. theres no edges. remember in hitchikers guide to the galaxy when the company that designed Earth, the designer guy Slartibartfast was given an award for the fjords of Norway? well, the foo fighters dont need much but they could use some fucking fjords. grohls heroes and his old band knew about rough edges and power and fjords.

how many times are you going to rewrite monkeywrench?

my problem with the new juliette lewis record is you get no concept from listening to her on cd that she is amazing live. and i guess the frat boys who buy foo fighters records dont care what the records sound like and they’ll be pleasantly suprised by grohl live but ahem if i was a record producer id get fired so often because i would constantly be demanding rock in my fucking earphones. The Deepest Blues Are Black gets to the precipice of rock and it wimps right out, like a teen trying to hump his girl, rock until it gets too nuts and then slows up in order to save it. no saving grunger. immigrant song didnt hold back. id also have a rack of dresses that id put on over my clothes if the band in the room played bridges like this one. id also have a little Ring Bell For Help bell that id tap every time the band played something weak like this and id say you guys just made crap but it doesnt matter cuz i just got paid. ding.

are britney and kev on ecstacy? i know theyre in love but are they on drugs too? she always seems super tired and groggy and his pupils always look really huge and they keep talking all this deep shit in the middle of the night. you dont talk like that if youre drinking. maybe if youre stoned. hmmmm. maybe theyre stoned. except when the dogs sniffed their bags they didnt smell anything. and brit was rubbing his ankle like it was the best feeling ankle in the world, very much, as i understand it, “ravers” do at their dances. sometimes these jokes are just for me but i appreciate you hanging in there.

i clicked through Resolve before it was over and i keep thinking to myself if youre going to have a rock side and an acoustical side shouldnt your rock side be like RAWWWWWK!? id have a bullhorn. id wear a tshirt that said albinis a pussy and id bring tomatoes into the studio and hurl them and say why are you wasting my time why are you boring me why are you doing this to the kids why are you wasting your talent in a million years drummers like bonham and copeland and peart show up and funny looking you were the best grunge drummer and if all youre going to do is put out this pop shit and forget your roots then what does that really teach the kids? this is a cake that wasnt quite done probably because nobody in showbiz has the guts to tell the big stars when theyre bad. and i wouldnt say that this is bad, its just half assed. and half of it is really good but half of it isnt. and dave grohl doesnt need the money he doesnt have to have a double album so he should only make really good records when he has a chance to make really good albums. and if he trimmed the fat or worked on some of these tunes long enough and took it easy with the polishbuffer machine the kids would have something good to underage drink to. shit even the feedback holds a perfect tone.

i’ll review the acoustic side later. my teeth need brushing.

zulieka has never taken a bad pic + world wide water cooler + scroll down to watch me do a cartwheel

who are friends with the wonderful girl in question,

dont leave your bullshit here. you dont know me, you dont know my situation, you dont know shit about blogging, and you obviously dont know how i do shit on this blog.

i dont write about my personal life here. that means i dont jump around on couches when things are going good with chicks and i dont throw phones at bellboys when shit isnt going well.

this is a personal blog about me where very little in here is true. maybe thats tough to wrap your little head around, but if you dont know you better axe somebody.

is it “self absorbed”? not even in the slightest. i dont tell you what i ate for breakfast, i dont write about what my favorite fucking tune is right now, i dont tell you what my fingers smell like, and i dont tell you anything that i dont want to tell you.

ive had this car for two weeks. have i even posted a picture of it? have i even discussed my relationship with our mutual friend – even when it was going well? hail no. even when i was dating girls who were super exhibitional about their lives whose nipples would get hard any time id put their name and pictures on here i didnt put their name and pictures on here much because thats not how i do things here. but it is a personal blog about me, therefore the perspective is going to come from me. if anything, know that she was on my mind, duh, last night when i made a allusion to her early in the post. and then i moved on out of respect, and out of busblog style.

but be not confused. i am the star of this show. the url doesnt say yourwildestdreams.com. it says dumbass.com so recognize.

if you have something to say, put it in your own stupid blog. if you want me to read it, link to it. but if you, even for a second think that you know something about the situation, think again. you know a sliver more about it than i know about your relationships. and that sliver is secondhand. true, its coming from a wonderful person, but it comes with its biases and a perspective that might not explain the whole story. to get the whole story you have to get half of it from me and i havent said shit. so shut the fuck up. i know youre trying to protect your friend and be a good friend but leaving bullshit on my comments only makes you look like an idiot, only pisses me off, and only makes strangers think that she picks stupid friends, which youre not. whoever you are.

do i blog in the middle of the night? of course. im a blogger. i blog when i wake, i blog when i eat, i blog on vacation, i blog when im happy and i blog when im sad.

heres how you can be a good friend to her. reinforce to her that im an idiot to let her go but maybe its for the best. tell her that definately its for the best because it is for the best. remind her that people split up every day and people get together every day. go out with her to find new dudes. the Lord didnt put billions of us on this toilet earth to be lonely. and perfect girls like her shouldnt be alone even for a day.

but most of all help her get those demons out of her head that she did anything wrong or made any mistakes. shes an angel. shes precious. shes rad, and we’re all lucky to know her. however if you dont think that both of us arent bummed right now then youre an idiot.

you wanna tell me how to blog? good fucking luck. shove your good intentions and your misguided bullshit. instead focus your energies on your friend who actually needs your attention way more than i do.

and like i tell everyone, if you have anything to say to me in my comments, put your name next to it or you’ll come across as a coward and a fool and i will make fun of you, and if you keep it up i will get mean. me getting mean on your ignorant ass will not do anything to help out your friend, all it will do is remind people that when im pissed off im the most fascinating writer in the world which will defeat your intention of making me look like a prick, which everyone already knows i am. youve been warned.

grey havens + leah + batty baby

twenty minutes til two where if people found themselves available to blog at 1:40a that they should. for twenty minutes. then stop at two.

im doing a shitty job of relaxing. i had a terrible phone call with a beautiful girl today and i told her to email me when she got home so id know that she had made it home ok but i could understand why shed be so disgusted and hurt by me that she wouldnt want to communicate with me right now. and i dont blamer.

all ive wanted to do for a week was go to this little parking place off wilshire where i could get a parking pass to park on my street. here at the busblog we dont do a lot of complaining and maybe thats one reason why people like coming here. but that was when one rode the bus. you got your pass once a month at the ralphs and that was it.

chris said she was so amazed that i never really asked to borrow her car for the last five years, never complained about commutting, never bitched about how some chick lost insterest in me because she discovered i didnt have a car. and its so true, not having a car was a stress free easy deal and if i desperately needed a car id rent one and you could rent a car for a weekend now and then and it still was cheaper than having a car. it was cheaper than just the gas that cars cost.

i was reading my white stripes review today and i was so embarrassed. god do i make a shitton of typos. sorry about that, but maybe that shows you how little i go back to edit or read or anything. hit n run.

ten minutes til two and i finally watched the one hit wonder show and i must say Vanilla Ice was pretty damn good. and i also have to ask, why would tommy twotone try to sing a song he cant sing? and why would the knack pick such a totally lame song. and why would the Roxburry dude sing a britney spears song and crawl across the stage?

i also watched Best Week Ever which is always funny. and i watched letterman and while i was watching that i saw an ad for Big Brother which is coming back in July.

and then i thought, how about a Big Brother of Bloggers? totally same thing as Big Brother except everyone can blog if they want. in fact many of the challenges should include blogging.

write a post supporting the president and denouncing the Downing Street memo.

write 100 haikus.

blog for an hour straight without saying i.

write a post to anna kournikova entirely in the third person after drinking four shots of tequilla.

i went to AAA today, america, and i had thought that i was an insured driver, but apparently i wasnt, but now i am and the woman was so good and so professional and everything went so well that it just added to the misery when i wasnt able to get to the parking permit people and now i have to wait till monday.

two minutes till two and i’ll end with some promises about the busblog for the next week. its going to be longer and harder and rougher and deeper and more literary and less real and totally fake and super hot and a lil dirty and leaner and maybe even spell checked now and then.

but it will be better, and the reason it will be better is because sometimes all you have is a keyboard and electricity and a computer. and if you can– whoops its two.

zen for lunch + hi im black + o dub + eric case

and the bells should ring and the kids should be let out of their cages and the birds should sing and the skies should let the sun shine in.

i first met our birthday girl on a hayride in malibu.

she wore granny clothes back them because she wasnt so sure about showing off her bod, which was hot, and is hotter than the picture tries to project, but photography doesnt have enough curves to show you this young woman’s incredible physique.

and the web doesnt know how to capture and translate heart. and christine rene is all heart.

boobs and heart.

gorgeous blue eyes, a sharp mind capable of 400 pt scrabble scores, a tantalizing neck, pure heart, tremendous bazooms,

and patience.

this gurl stood by me for five years

i feel bad for chicks whove had to deal with me for five months, imagine five years?

i got fired once while i was with her, i started my own business, i also sold hot dogs, i watched way too much tv, i didnt take her out nearly enough, and still she was patient.

i told her secrets to her parents over the holidays, i made her best friend not talk to her for a while, i barraged her with kisses and bad breath and constant i love yous and still she was there for me even after i moved to la and left her behind with my 15″ cerwin vegas.

i love this girl america and she will even put up with me saying so on the internet.

thats love.

she will put up with it even though she has a new man. a taller richer handsomer man who has actually done something with his life other than interview people hes never met. shes no dummy.

she called this morning wondering if the anna interview was about her and i said how could it be about you she said she didnt know i said chris i love you, i would marry you right now. i got no problem with you.

she said i know.

i said, so you’ll marry me?

she said no.

thats how we talk to each other. its like birds in the night.

coo coo?

plllllooooo pllllloooo.

coo cooo?

plllloooo plllloooo.

for a while my coo coos were answered by her cooo coos and magic was created and i know that that doesnt last forever. and even if it does last, not everything lasts forever.

except true love.

which i still have for her.

and i always will.

till the last maggot eats the last bits

of my dumbass heart.

a good example of our deal + me jeanine & chris go to an art opening + i wrote this when we broke up

today

[ ring ring ]

hi tony, are you still mad at me?

yes.

im glad at least that youre talking to me.

im not talking to you, its just hard to have a bloggy dialogue with just one person talking.

im sure you could figure it out. i always thought you were an amazing writer.

flattery, anna, in this case, wont get you anywhere.

well this is a first.

insulting me isnt going to get you anywhere either.

tony, please. lets be adults about this. im in love. you always told me you wanted me to be in love. even if it wasnt with you.

yes but i didnt Mean it.

i asked you to be my boyfriend a million times but you said it wouldnt work out.

i said it wouldnt work out until after you retired from tennis! i didnt say it wouldnt ever work out. and i certainly didnt expect you to go get married just because i wasnt going to be your boyfriend for a few years. now youre probably just going to retire, spread your legs for enrique and crank out a couple hundred cuban kids.

ok, number one, fuck you tony. number two im in love. number three youre disgusting and he isnt even cuban. number four im not retiring any time soon nor am i having any children any time soon.

shove your nors and your mexican has-been right where the sun doesnt shine. which will be difficult with you, anna, cuz ive seen you sunbathe and the sun shines everywhere.

i dont know why you have to be so mean about this. i dont remember you being mean to your other ex girlfriends. infact all you ever do is talk about how much you love them and how great they are and how much you all get along.

they never ran off with some limp wristed busboy with a zit on his cheek.

omg! you dont even know enrique. how can you say these things?

i could ask you the same question.

what question?

i could ask you how you could frigging MARRY someone who you dont even know.

i know him, tony. quit being jealous. and i love him. and what i do in my life is no longer any of your bees wax.

i give it four months.

dont be so cruel! why would you say that? enrique and i will last forever.

no, i give your tennis career four months, then you will retire. i give your fake marriage three months. then you will get pregnant then he will divorce you because he’s gay and knows that he didnt do that to you, and then you will come running to me to be your babys daddy, but im not going to do it.

i hate you tony.

and i hate you anna. youve broken my heart. ive given you all the freedom in the world and you just spit in my face.

listen to you “i let you…”

i Did let you. every other motherfucker would have blown a gasket with you galavanting around. dating this guy, being in that guy’s video. i was never jealous i never talked shit, in fact all i ever did was support you, especially when you were down (which has been most of your career) and especially during your latest injuries and most especially during that penthouse thing.

i knew you would use all that against me.

no one is using anything against you. i was there for you and what did you do to reward me, you got married to a one hit wonder. to some dudes son. why didnt you just marry george bush.

george bush is married, tony.

so youre saying you… forget it. its over. dont ever call me again. dont talk to me. dont email. dont write. keep the carrier pigeons, keep the cds, keep everything.

i see you have taken me off your blog thing.

and i have rubbed you from my heart.

i dont care what you say, i will continue to be your friend no matter what. even though youre being so mean to me. i love you and i always will, tony.

i hope he comes out on your honeymoon.

hello, this is our honeymoon and he has come, but not out. thank you.

only cuz hes thinking of rupaul.

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