two months ago a guy who said he sex chatted and later fisted(!) the american idol runner-up had clay’s name in the print – the bad way.

now just two months later, clay’s still the top searched for name on technorati which includes a post by this fan who has a series of clay videos which might explain the attraction.

in second place is yours truly who totally took a nap at seven pm. who totally ate when he woke up. and who totally fell back asleep after a very nice shower and run around the block in the heat and second shower.

and who totally was just awoken by the ringing of a telephone

a drunken dialing if you will.

and who totally told me that she was totally in love with me and who told her that she was drunk, and that there was nothing about me to love

and she said i am drunk and im coming over.

but she had no cab money.

and the boyscouts teach you to have cash everywhere. some hidden cash in your wallet, some emergency pizza cash under the mattress, some flat screens are two hundred bucks outta the back of that dudes truck cash in the freezer.

so of course i had some cab fare cash for the young lady in my sock.

and im refreshed, and the cubs have stopped losing, and i am now preparing to take a third quick shower so as to shave even though this girl would never notice at this point.

but the reason that i write you is because theres a serious dilema in this particular jeunne fille, shes not afraid to express her feelings.

aka our girl is loud.

aka its hot as a bitch tonight in hollywood and theres very little breeze and the only way to cool this apartment is to keep the windows and doors open.

but you cant have any damn windows and doors open with this ho. i have neighbors. im a respected member of my community.

so im considering shutting all the windows and doors and just sweating to the oldies or renting a little room over at the snooty fox.

my only problem with that is i dont wanna bring a nice girl like her over to the fox. yes shes a hollywood girl with tattoos and excellent scars and a chipped tooth thats kills me, if anyone around the fox saw her theyd make a little mental note where we checked in. and then once they heard her… shit.

this is the only problem i have with life. the people who have excellent basements, or who live on acres of property where no one can hear them, dont need those things. paris hilton has all the money in the world but she doesnt need to check into hotels for her sex video, shes the quietest girl alive. the ceiling fan is louder.

im actually so awake we could take a long drive somewhere but there is a risk that she may puke in my beautiful car.

i know im a very lucky man, and i dont deserve even a morsel of anything.

but while i have it, know there will be good music playing no matter what happens.

and for those of you scoring at home, i havent been sick in a week and i feel like a new man.

and if your scoring at home use protection.

happy birthday chad + nk + pitt + outlaw

when i was in college i had a chance to interview the fine poet for our little newspaper.

and that is why i am putting a piture of a william burroughs novel on my blog on mr ginsbergs birthday.

whats funny was, it wasnt even like i was much of a ginsberg fan, i was way more into wc williams, ee, bukowski, and plath. heck i was even way more into gerald manley hopkins and chaucer and dickinson.

but of all the beats, ginsberg was the only one who i sort of respected because he was a poet through and through and definately out there, but to me ferlingheti did it better.

still, somehow i thought the interview would go better than it did, but it didnt and maybe six months before that i got to chat with robert creeley and i loved him and he told me these great little stories and it was a real conversation and it was really nice and maybe its because not a lot of people were knocking down his door to talk with him.

or maybe it was because he talked slower.

i was interviewed the other day and i was super sick. you can even see how sick i was in this peice. and i hadnt shaved and in certain pictures i might look ok unshaved but the unblinking camera eye tells all and the sad truth is i need to shave every day and i should probably stay away from getting in front of any cameras.

and i need to talk slower and i need to be a little more mysterious.

like never speak.

but i was filled to the rim with robotussin and exhaustion and i was trying to be funny. creeley never tried to be funny.

its 95 degrees here in los angeles today. its 3:10pm.

ive been invited to three birthday parties tonight, all of which i should go to because theyre all good people, there will be hot single ladies everywhere, and probably a job lead or ten.

or i could head down to san diego.

or i could just hang out here at the crib and write all day like mr burroughs would do and wait until 1am when the phone has a very high chance of ringing with an intoxicated young lady on the other end asking to be picked up from a club on hollywood blvd.

and that young lady will be wearing leather boots, or fuzzy ski boots, or only one boot because she lost the other

and when she gets to my house she will take a long shower and somehow smoke two or three cigarettes while in the shower, leave the butts in a soap dish – classy -, and walk out to my computer closet with wet hair, my robe, and my fuzzy slippers, asking me what she thought of her new brazilian cut.

i was under the impression that allen ginsberg had a few of those stories to lay upon me, the college boy, writing for the college paper. aka blow our stupid minds freak man.

instead he told me about the horrors of drinking too much booze.

i was all, dude, drinking is just something for me to do with my hands while at parties.

i dont think he liked me neither.

but there you go bro, happy birthday.

grow a brain has a link to william burroughs book covers + amy might get you rich + erin lays it out