hell yeah i brought my broom.

and marched that thing across the miles of parkinglot at dodger stadium last night, the final game of the three game series

it didnt hurt that the cubs were up by a run when we got into the parkinglot and up by four by the time we made it to the turnstyle

but thats where the terrorists won.

we cant let you go into the stadium with that broom, the young security guard informed me

i was all youve got to be kidding me

no sir, im afraid im not.

and i believed him so i very politely asked him if i could see his supervisor because bringing a broom to a potential sweep is a baseball tradition harking back to the olden days long before there were rentacops in front of the entrances of our major league baseball parks standing behind cheap folding tables.

he assured me that they dont make the rules and that his boss would tell me the same thing he was telling me

i was all, fine.

then he said, you probably havent been to dodger stadium before

which pissed me off since i had been there plenty of times, including the last two days. so i said, immediately

you probably havent been to a baseball game before.

and was all, sir, i work at a baseball stadium

to which i said if the home team confescates the brooms from the fans of the visitors, then it’s not real baseball any more. yes you work at a stadium, thats where it ends.

and then he told me my backpack was too big and he’d have to take that too.

after the cubs did, indeed, sweep the los angeles dodgers, this time beating them with a rookie pitcher in his major league debut, thanks to a three-run homer from shortstop neifi perez,

i retrieved my broom and backpack and marched through the now-dark parking lot holding it sky high.

why does that man have a broom? i heard people whisper.

the broom the broom! i heard cub fans shout.

come back when you have a ring, the snide hissed as they passed.

starts with a broom i snapped back.

dont mess with a man with a W shirt and a broom over his head.

come here with that broom two super pissed off shirtless tattooed gang looking dudes said.

they wanted to fight. welch was right, everyone wants to fight at dodger stadium these days. last night we saw a cat fight in the top deck that nearly ended in casualties. one drunken woman literally dove over the laps of four patrons in the front row and grabbed the hair of her victim. the women wrestled and people threw drinks at them

while i patiently waited for one if not both of them to fall over the rail and splatter into the loge level below.

the gang dudes asked me if i would like to ride the broom, so i gladly positioned it between my legs and skipped around as if it were a hobby horse and i yelled im riding the dodgers like the cubs just did yeeeeeeh haaaaawwww

shocked, they verbally abused my shoes(!) your shoes dont even match your gear, we’re gangstas fool, we match!

funniest thing ive ever heard in a parkinglot, friends.


so yes, the dodger fans are ruthless and looking to throw down, but because it’s LA everyones fashion-first. i got it.

and before the cheerleader drove us out of our parking spot i stuck my head out of the sun roof and yelled into the night sky LETS PLAY TWO!

lindsay + xTx + JaG + fil

karisa dared me to watch

all of the hbo dramedy big love and im always up for a dare.

it is a dark and creepy show. my girlfriend chloe sivengy is so unlikeable its bizarre. hopefully we will see her express a few nice sides. but i doubt it. i dont know why im rooting for this dude, hes so bland and undeserving of his two decent wives.

and where are the orgies? im totally serious, why have a bunch of wives if youre still gonna stay uptight about sex? present to me a television series when the characters have something to teach me.

which is why harry dean stanton steals every scene. the show should be about him. hes got the band the girls and the money. hes got a wife whos younger than any of bill paxtons wives. and he rides around in a hummer.

BellSouth officials denied Friday that they had blocked consumer sites MySpace and YouTube, although customers in Florida and Tennessee said that they were unable to access them.pc magazine

in my day you had to walk in the woods if you wanted to pictures of hot chicks. the kids have everything these days. i hate them.

you know how often mike royko wrote in a week? five times.

and he had a lot of one sentence paragraphs

if you know what i mean.

yes but those were the days when the paper cost a dime and a movie cost a dollar and everywehre in chicago and the suburbs was area code 312.

wouldnt it be just my luck if bell south was legally allowed to block myspace and youtube, and a bunch of other carriers followed suit, and buzznet exploded from people trying to do their thing?

actually that would make me very happy if it happened. especially that way.

today is lianas last day at look look.

a year ago today karisa didnt work where she works now, chris lived in america, my other buddy chris had his own business still, welch was at reason

everything changes baby thats a fact
but maybe everything that dies some day come back
put your makeup on, fix your hair up pretty
and meet me tonight in atlantic city

cnn video via panasonicyouth + the daily peep + full atlantic city lyrics which i dont completely agree with

being unemployed means

having time to read fox news dot com. and the view. and the today show. and regis and kelly.

In honor of the new Jennifer Aniston-Vince Vaughn flick “The Break-Up,” which opens Friday, Universal Pictures and Budweiser have declared June 2 “National Break-Up Day.”

so because brad dumped jen we’ve all gotta break up? hmmmmm. not quite sure im into that one.

i slept on the couch last night because i didnt want to believe that i was getting sleepy at 3am. i also didnt want to sleep all day. its gorgeous here in los angeles and its 10:46am and if i were to drive somewhere like san diego now would be a good time to jump in the shower.

heres the only problem with san diego, as much as i love danielle, i hate san diego. i want it to fall into the ocean. i want then for there to be a vortex and it gets sucked into the vortex. then i want the vortex to implode or get trapped in a mine or a well.

you know who would try to get san diego out of a mine? old people. but old people have very bad backs so they wouldnt be able to get san diego out of the mine or well and it would just die there as the cameras rolled.

and after a while it would begin to smell.

and people would blame tijuana.

i have two options for next week. i could get in a car and start driving. or i could hang out in my house and wake up at noon and go to the cinema every day with a newly unemployed cuban girl.

who has a boyfriend.

however i thought i saw a billboard that said what happens at the grove stays at the grove. because generally i would prefer that.

its 11:30am. they say its gonna be a hot one.

i need a laptop.

or a summer college intern with a laptop.

a very special melting dolls + courtney + zulieka + no healani