cougar came over last night with a pie

said she couldnt sleep cuz she was so upset about Eight Belles
the second place finisher of the Kentucky Derby who broke her front legs
minutes after the race and had to be killed on the spot
i didnt want the cougar to come over,
but i did want pie.
so i said what sorta pie are we gonna eat.
she said four and twenty blackbirds, got milk?

and i thought, see, thats almost exactly why i dont want you coming over
either what you have to say is super corny, or not at all sexy,
or just gross. the girls not supposed to be gross, the boy is.

her hair was frosted, her nails did, heels that clacked around my hard wood
sounds these walls hardly ever heard. smells. creeks.

legend has it that someone got murdered in this hollywood apartment
i tolder. meth heads or wiccians
or worse.
she said how do you know this.
i said the old lady who rented me this place a long time ago
esped it to me.
i had no job, i had bad credit, i had no money.
still she rented it to me because she liked my eyes, she said.

so me and the cougar in the middle of the night sat across from each other
ate the four and twenty blackbirds and drank wine.
everything was disgusting.
but i tried out of respect for Eight Belles, who was younger than the wine.

cougar tried to do stuff to me but i squirmed around half cuz i didnt wanna
half cuz only a few people really know how sensitive i am
and half cuz i couldnt stop thinking how she still hadnt been tested yet.

cougars got esp too and said why is getting tested so important to you
i said whys not getting tested so important to you?

so we slept all tangled and i dreamed.
i fucking hate dreams more than blackbird pie.
dreams are lies whispered to you at your most vulnerable.

i dreamed i was eating pie with Eight Belles.
and drinking tea. cougar tea.
and Eight Belles was saying, you know Peta wants that jockey to be suspended.
and i dont blame em.
i said but didnt you wanna run?
the philly said yea, fuck i WAS running.
i said then whattya bitchin about?
EB was all tony you know how some women dont like their hair pulled
and some women cant have it pulled enough?
horses are the same way.
everyone is so unique.
just cuz we might look similar.
just cuz we might even smell the same.
when it comes to something as serious as the kentucky derby
or as subtle as a sexual relationship
it wouldnt hurt if you did just the slightest bit of research
to find out what makes us babes different from each other.

and then she put down her tea
grew an alicorn out of her forehead
and flew off down sunset.

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