saddest thing i can ever hear is when she says she wants to go home
cuz that means what you think it means
it means shed like to tap out.
once upon a time i knew someone who wanted that and they tried it.
only problem was the angels were all yeah naw.
and i wanted to tell her that when i was in highschool id drive through the cornfields
look into the sky and say im ready to get picked up whenever you dudes find me
cuz i felt like an alien sometimes. i felt like a ufo.
ultra fuckedup outsider.
so i know how she feels
except the bad thing for her is i dont know if theres a california for her to escape to
to fit in with.
i dont know if its actually the place for her the way it was for me.
i think its something else.
what if your dream is to be a midget in the circus but youre almost six feet tall
what if what’ll save you is to be the next qb of the packers but youre a girl
what if the answer is to bowl more or to snowboard
what if the key to the universe is in the dumpster outside your apartment
but you dont do a lot of dumpster diving
any more.
what if you feel like everything you say will come out wrong
so you dont say anything.
when deep down all shes thinking is say anything.
she asked, why do people reproduce
i said youre asking the wrong man
she asked whys everyone so set on marriage
i was all, again, dont ask me
she asked why if you have all the answers are you alone
i said in la youre never alone
which is why i belong here.

bree is sick. poor bree. but, the trooper she is, she made a prom video. and i gotta say, shes getting pretty great at them.

crazy thing is, i had never heard that song before. i had only heard it, indirectly from the video below, which was the very first video that i ever saw on youtube.

do you remember what the first video you ever saw on youtube was?

i think im still learning from that relationship

i miss her, i love her, im grateful for every bit of all of it.

and i still dont believe that i got to start all of this off with her.

my mom loves plants and flowers. and right now the jacarandas are blooming here in LA, so here you go mom!
i love you!

email of the week from my mom, in regards to my LAT post about the car i reviewed

Hi Tony. This was excellent!! Were you the first to do the “real-live car reviews with models”? If so you have set the bar 🙂 .

PLUS I could send it to my friends as an article I wasn’t afraid to share 🙂

I love the LA Times!!!!! And you get paid for it also!! As I just told Angie, you finally found a job that you love and doesn’t feel like a job. That’s the ideal.

Love,
Mom

she loves it when i dont swear

Wikipedia is reporting that CBS2/KCAL weatherbabe Jackie Johnson is engaged.

My heart wont be officially broken until Soup Cans’ Jackie Johnson Fashion Watch (from which the above photo comes from) confirms it.

Something tells me, however, that the forecast looks gray.

tickets on sale mothers day morning at 10am

concert wednesday at the historic wiltern

leader of the free world

often you will see us tease or kid or make fun of our good pal, but it’s completely out of love, a brotherly love, if you will.

i know if i lived in toronto i would be bffs with pitt and fil and raymi and christie and all the others up there but something tells me that mr pitt and fil and i would cause an ungodly amount of terror on the great white north.

therefore i think it was wise that the good lord separated us, much like he scattered the jews who were building the tower of babel. too much rock in too concentrated of a square footage is bad-age.

which brings us to todays squarefootage of rock.

you may recall that last year around this time rear admiral pitt fund-raised a large amount of money for my african brothers and sisters so that they could have sports equipment out in the jungles of the deepest dark. the theory, as i understand it is, just because kids are poor doesnt mean that they shouldnt be allowed to play.

thus Right to Play is one of my favorite charities because it takes money from generous donors and distributes athletic equipment to the poor so that they might have a tad more joy in their lives.

then pitt runs some crazy marathon and comes home sweaty to his beautiful bride.

i dont understand that portion of it, but i assume its a canadian thing.

either way i gave till it hurt last year and survived somehow, so i gave again this year, and i invite you all to do the same. for the kids!

to help the kids in africa, click here and then click under the thermometer that says Give a Gift. never mind that the thermometer says 100%, thats a lie, 100% of the kids in africa do not have bowling balls. YET!

fotos by philogynist

pot glass kettle house black much, raymster?

how is biggie smalls still on.

how is the fire still blazin.

how are the windows still hanging. how is my hat still on.

how are these ladies just leaving.

i might be old but im not that old.

i might be lame but not tonight.

i might be over but not yet.

i might still be a long shot, and a good bet.

these girls came over and dissed prtty much everyone i knew. it was hilarious. you can do better tony. that girl is a ho. that girl is broken.

that girl probably did her father.

the whole time i was drinking baileys from the bottle to the glass to my lips to gods ears. hip hop the whole time. fire going the whole time. cigarettes wine water wheatthins with sundried tomato and basil, the whole time.

their club clothes on, their eyes hanging, their cherries glowing, their glasses emptying, their opinions blaring.

i laughed i questioned i learned i laughed.

compliments and insults compliments and short skirts.

the whole night went so fast mostly cuz it started at midnight, the right time, the bar emptied so fast the ride home went so nice.

i dont know what all the fakers in my life did tonight but i bet it wasnt one bit of what i did.

i dont know what the liars on the blogoshpere were up to but i bet it wasnt the one two.

and tonight when i finally get to say my prayers you know im gonna give thanks and thanks like i was tom hanks.