i wanted to go to vegas tonight, but i fell asleep on the couch

so heres yr answers to Ask Tony, and yes thats a picture of Miss 604 and Keira-Anne with Hanson

Keira-Anne: When I was a child, I secretly hoped that when I grew up and had a child that he or she would be born with Down’s Syndrome because I believed children that were, were more important. Does that make me twisted?

when i was a child i had a crush on a little girl named ilka wagner. i used to secretly hope that she would get hit by a car so i could give her mouth to mouth and bring her back to life which would make her love me for ever. it means that all kids are twisted. and should probably get spanked more out of principle. or maybe they should be babysat by this guy.

Kerry: Sometimes it seems when you read the news, a middle eastern country has a car bomb or terrorist attack daily. Why do you think we haven’t had that here in the USA?

we have better weed and hotter chicks. that demotivates the desire to blow s**t up, generally.

Alys: Last night I couldn’t fall asleep and wound up going through a TON of stuff in my head as I lay there… Do you ever have insominac nights and if so what do you think about?

theres very little in my head. maybe thats why i never have insomniac nights. i also have thousands of blogs to read, dozens of books on my nightstands, and handfuls of cheerleaders tapping on my windowsill. even if i wanted to go to sleep early i doubt i could ever do it. oh and theres all those video games i havent played, and cds i havent burned for my mom, and books i havent written. i hardly sleep at all, but not because im trying to sleep.

ddebil: You, tony? I can’t say. But someone? probably.

i couldnta said it better myself.

JackassJimmy: What will be the end of the democrats campaign journey to the white house?

exaltation, voting machine drama, and then misery and hand wringing. and then they will have no one to blame but themselves because theyve had 8 years to see this coming and they still havent done anything about it. say hello to President Paul.

Ciavarro: Holy crap I’m married. Can you believe it?

on one hand i cant because you should know better. you had a good thing going. you had a nice blog. you had friends. you had a future. but on the other hand danielle is a sweetheart and i can see why you ruined everything for her. i saw your wedding photos on facebook and i was expecting something a little more italian. like a cake made out of meatballs or something. i dont know why. but it was adorable. my best to you and your bella. you must tell me what pizzeria youre registered at.

Tania: Do Americans even notice that we’re in the midst of our own election campaign up here in the Great White North, aka Canada?

wait, you can vote for queen now?

Mike: Dear Tony, Vancouver a safe choice for a new years bash?

it is. and its too safe. which is why i wont be there. (unless matt goods playing)

Bob D: Would there be any situation where you would live in alaska ?

love does weird things to a man. which is why i avoid it. lust does worst things to a man, which is why if even anna kournikova said baby lets move to wasilla and let me help you run for mayor just to be ironic – id probably say yes and do it. but only because she would be qualified to be my first lady since russia is so close to alaska.

timmay!!!!!: did i die a few years ago … and i just don’t realize it yet? (because that’s how this country is making me feel right about now)

when you die, timmmmay, you will go to heaven. is this your idea of paradise? for some reason id think that in your heaven the music on the radio would be better than this.

lily: where were you on sept 11 2001?

i was blogging. in fact i had just started blogging regularly and i hate to say it but if it wasnt for that horrible day i probably wouldnt have this particular blog because two days after 9/11 i made this photo essay and it got me hundreds of thousands of new visitors. that sort of attention is the perfect way to be motivated to keep up yr new hobby.

adriel: why do dumbf##ks keep trying to convince everyone that obama is the antichrist?

because hes black, hes well spoken, and his middle name is ann coulter.

Sharp (aka Azreal Darkskies): f’in dude from Pearl Jam is a Cubs fan. How does that make you feel?

there are lots of cub fans in terrible bands. his just gets more radio play. tom morello is also a cub fan. i try to focus on him and his band more.

Krista: i have major blogger’s block, what should i do?

i cant pretend that i know you very well. or your lifestyle. but generally people get bloggers block because they have things inside them that they want to say but theyre afraid that the people in their real lives would be hurt/embarrassed/pissed off if the blogger wrote what she really wants to say. ask yourself this, if you created a private blog right this second on blogspot, would you really have nothing to say there? something tells me youd have lots to say. the trick of real blogging, though, and not private blogblogging, is to say those things in your existing blog. perhaps through metaphor, symbolism, photo essay, poetry, or something. anything. and do it daily. by the way, every post youve ever made is perfect and beautiful. you should do everything you can to break out of the block and quit listening to the devil in your ear thats whispering the negative things.

ps heres what i wrote about “blogger burnout” several years ago.

top photo of keira-anne and hanson via keira-anne, photo of chad’s “family” via cristina rossi, photo of downtown vancity by duane storey, and photo of krista by oceanaria

its friday

the cubs are still in first place, thus its Ask Tony

topics on the table:

would there be any situation where i would choose to have a downs baby
would there be any situation where i would live in alaska
would there be any situation where i would have a fifth child while being governor
would there be any situation where if something happend to the First Dude id make out with a vice president candidate