Author Archives: tony

jon lovitz is dating a woman 31 years younger than he is

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jon lovitzand i say Mazel Tov

age aint nothing than a number especially when love is involved.

there was a time when i was dating a much younger woman and some friends would ask what do you two talk about

i said, what do you and i talk about?

do we talk about bonds and hemoroid creams?

no.

neither does me and my teen gf.

im sure jon and his babe talk about all the normal things normal people talk about:

movies, donald trump, the effect of canada’s weak pound compared to the yen, who is going to pay $100 to see the Lakers next year when theres no Kobe, do i look fat in these overalls, when was the last time you heard a lead guitar in a pop song in the Top 40, where can a man get a cheap iphone charger cable for less than a thousand dollars?

we are all humans just trying to love and be loved and who doesnt wanna be with someone smart and funny if youre a woman and smart and sexy if youre a man?

life is short. love lives are shorter. i say have fun, tip your uber drivers and love with all your heart until you die.

update: it was all a hoax. love is dead

jesus was all, its cool, chill out, but they didnt

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runim almost done with reading the gospels. they’re all a little different.

it makes me think maybe some biographies should be written in four chapters

all by different authors

that way if one guy is easily impressed, thats fine,

but maybe the next guy wont look at all of it the same way.

one thing that ive noticed is pontious pilate gets a pretty fair shake in each of the books

every time its his turn he says

whats the damn deal here

and jesus is all

and pp is like, why are all of these people super pissed off at you and wanna kill you?

and jesus is all

and pp goes are you the king of the jews

and jesus is all

and pp is like who even cares? angry mob i see no crime here, im out. peace!

and they were all, no peace unless you kill him

and pp was all omg finnnnnne whatever!

so i wonder what four writers would write about bob dylan

friction

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daliwe need it to be creative

lights need darks so you can see them

dali knows this

i know this

but i avoid the dark

i only indulge when i shouldnt

in those instances i should be seeking out

the light

life is balance

the auto balance is broken

learn the manual

life is mixtures

life is fissures

life is grand finales

i never thought id see the end of rock n roll

and yet

if it was a river i havent seen any new big fish in quite a while

maybe we need this darkness

maybe this is the friction

maybe this is the part where everything gets crazy (as a reaction to the chill) and it’s the stuff that will make yr mustache curl

last night i picked up a long time busblog reader

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todd francisi was minding my own business, circling the big buildings around century city, wondering if it was even worth it any more now that the century plaza will be closed for several years as they renovate

and i got a ping from one of the towers near CAA.

nice guy climbs in wants to go to western and wilshire. fine with me.

as we get going it’s obvious hes a lawyer: super smart, great vocabulary, well versed. he tells me he used to work at the LA Times in the 80s. i tell him i used to work there too, but more recently.

eventually he says, wait, i know you. how dumb! youre tony pierce!

i was all, yep!

he said, i should have known from the license plate!

i was all, ha!

he said, the busblog is groundbreaking. i remember you wrote once about the girl who got away. i printed it out.

i was like they all got away. which one?

we drove down wilshire trying to remember and he complimented me more. then said how about we go to union station.

so we blow past the wiltern and keep moving.

great convo continues and he’s telling me about the history of modern banking, obama’s flaws, printing presses, and he says lets go to Pasadena. so we go.

i tell people all the time that they should be blogging. it doesnt even have to be about their real lives. it could be about anything. but they have stories. You have stories. tales that wont get you fired.

i promise you.

and you never know, one day when you least expect it someone might say they remember you and something you wrote is on their wall or in a folder or tattoed onto their arm.

or best of all, in their heart.

Jian Gets Off

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Jian Ghomeshi

there will be a day when women who are sexually abused will find justice

that day is not today, not even in beautiful Canada,

Jian Ghomeshi

i did not follow the Jian Ghomeshi case closely because here in the USA it was not big news. even today, the day of the verdict, it’s not on tv. but from what i have read, he admitted he punched and choked women but the judge did not believe the women’s testimony.

because of stats like the ones above, which are sadly quite similar here in the States, many women don’t even press charges because they know they’ll face judges like the one today who said basically “BS, youre lying.”

two things will cause change: women video documenting Everything and/or women carrying weapons.

justice would be easier, but it seems impossible right now. tragically.

today is Liana’s birthday, shes 24

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lianaLiana was born in havana cuba and moved to north carolina when it became obvious that america needed her.

we met when i was just starting this blog and she insulted me and gave me dirty looks and delivered zero signals that she thought i was anything other than an annoying piece of dirt

i believe one day i was trying to AOL instant message her and she told me she had just read this very blog

i think she said, you are a bag of garbage with a hole in the bottom

and as it’s dragged down the street theres a trail of gunk that is left behind

the busblog is that trail.

i instantly fell in love with her

why? BECAUSE SHE WAS READING MA BLOG!

i asked her out over and over and she said no no no.

she made fun of my clothes, my hair, my lack of a car, everything.

but she kept reading this blog which back then did have a magic power.

eventually she gave in and allowed me to take her to a movie, i think. it was so long ago. who knows.

once i invite her to my place. she sat on one side of the couch and wrapped herself in a blanket and wouldnt let me come anywhere near her.

it was the funniest thing id ever seen.

we had many fun times after that and i miss seeing her all the time. but now shes a wife and mom and she has bigger fish to fry than to make me LOL in all her different ways.

but today she turns 24 which is a big deal, so i brushed up on my Cuban, so here goes

bonne anniverarrie, bella chica!

the most interesting mayor in the americas has died

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rob ford

just as hateable as he was lovable rob ford is no longer smoking crack, drinking beers, or embarrassing our friends the Canadians

cancer got him and got him quick. he’s dead. life is short and if you do it right you will be remembered with a smile on yr face.

i didn’t know much about Ford’s politics, but i am told i would have not agreed with it. thats fine.

he was still a passionate, fascinating character whose accent was as thick as his waistline.

i appreciated that he was a man of the people. i appreciated that he was passionate about Toronto.

i appreciated that he told the press the truth – after he lied a little.

im more sad that he’s dead than lots of politicians who have recently died.

maybe because he reminded me of Chris Farley mixed with a fatter Chris Farley.

Canada should never be ashamed of their most interesting mayor, we know he wasnt Canada.

he was the Canadian guy who couldnt ice skate who for some reason ran out onto the ice with dress shoes.

and now he’s dead.

forever.

anna doesnt call me a lot but when she does its cuz she knows im sad

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annatoday at lunch she called but i didnt pick up. why do girls like the phone so much?!

i was sad because i was promised that if i did something and worked hard for it then id get it.

i didnt get it.

they said i was one percentage point away from getting it.

i had asked all week, am i close, what do i have to do, whats going on, did i make it?

but they waited until lunch today to tell me that i was close but no cigar.

they said you must be disappointed but dont fret we have more of these coming.

i said

then i said

then i was all

then i was like

in the olden days id write and write and complain and bang on the desk and knock over the bats and run into the dugout and throw the helmets onto the field and go to each of the bases and throw them into the outfield

and kick the dirt on the umpire

and call him and his dead relatives names

and run to the outfield and climb the fence and run up the bleachers and run into the scoreboard and climb to the top of the clock

and swan dive down into the street

and die.

but thats kids stuff. im an adult now.

which means i dont make messes on the streets.

i get justice in court.