first one says i want to make a blog called are you fucking kidding me

shorter one was mexican, hair dyed yellow. not really a mohawk but definitely a ridge across the top a little higher than the rest. piercings on the lip. dickies cut off at the knee. two shirts, leather wrist strap. wallet on a chain. work shoes.

taller one wore lipstick. had a nice rack. giggled and then laughed. a lot. smiled at me when i smiled at her.

they sat down to put their bowling shoes on. the shorter one pulled out a can of bud light out of her jacket pocket after looking around first and then cracked it open

giggly put a straw in it.

i was drinking mgd out of a bottle.

within minutes the dude showed up while they were bowling together and pointed at the abandoned beer can avec bendy straw and said is this yours?

i held up my bottle and took a gulp and the teengirls returned from their gutterball and he questioned them as i went for the fries.

we were in hollywood. holly star lanes on santa monica boulevard. not the best part of town. but it was just then.

the dude left.

the can remained.

the one girl punched the other in the leg right before she was about to throw her ball. the ball rolled into the gutter and the other punched the other in the arm. hard.

they were like teenboys, really, except way cuter.

the shorter one asked me if the dude hassled me i said nah.

it made me wonder if she told the guy that the beer was mine.

i wanted to buy them drinks but i wondered if they were underage then i really wanted to buy them drinks and then the other pulled a second can of miller lite out of her jacket pocket.

they put the straw in the new can and wrestled in their seats. one holding ones head and fake-biting a huge chunk out of her thick head.

before i knew it their game was over, half their can of beer had spilled over as the only loser of the punching fight wrestling match. they took off their shoes and walked over to the snack bar.

and then me and john woo and travis k smiley could finally concentrate on our form.

in peace.

alone.

until three lesbians walked into a bowling alley.

they were black and this was true.

i couldnt be happy without splinky

i linked your ass a long time ago, but that’s not why i’m emailing. i just wanted to say thanks for the link the other day, and to apologize for something i said on your comments a long time ago.

i believe i said i wouldn’t donate any money to your flowage for some ass reason, but you being the cool guy that you are didn’t rip me, you just offered up your opinion, or something along those lines.

i’ve recently had a perspective changing experience in my life, along with a little growing up, and i believe differently now.

over the course of my blog perusing the last few months, i’ve seen complete strangers offer up all sorts of different gifts, from hand-made hats, to cookies, to cd’s, to books, and probably a ton of other stuff i missed.

at last glance, it looks like you were up to 78 out of your goal of 1600. the old me might have tried to call bullshit, and ask if you’re really saving this money for a car. the new me says who cares if you are or not, it’s up to the individual if they want to believe it is or not. and while i can’t personally account for the remaining amount all at once, i will be contributing to the cause.

if you could just reply (i know you’re busy, and if i don’t get a response, it won’t bother me) and let me know how much paypal takes out for the donation so i can make it an even amount, that would be great.

and of course, love the site.

hope you get the time to read this.

vladmir

+++++++++++++

Dear Vlad,

thanks for the kind words.

OF COURSE i will be using the flowage to the car fund for a car. sheesh.

i know that “nothing in here is true” but thats true. i would be kicked off the internet as the biggest bullshitter of all if i did anything inappropriate with those funds.

the car fund experiment is one of my favorite little things about the busblog.

for those of you who dont know, i am trying to see how long it takes to get $20k for a new car off my blog.

its an art project science fair experiment of sorts.

if you look on the left hand side of my blog you will see the names of the people who have already flowed the blog. and if someone flows that day i will include their number with a link to their blog somewhere in a post.

79. sara

80. august mueller

if it takes 20 years to get the ride then we will know that it takes 20 years. hopefully it will take less.

i dont talk about the flow that often cuz i dont want to bore you with it and i dont want this thing to be an ongoing pledge drive, but i do like the experiment cuz its a super long term thing and people hardly ever do super long term things in blogs.

as for PayPal, thanks for concerning yourself with it, but generally you shouldnt. its cool. however, just so you know Paypal takes about eighty cents out of each $20 flow.

thanks!

Tony

james + bunnie mac + planet sara

but i bet he was called lots of other names.

pabby.

so.

cass.

with initials like mine, you can imagine the nicknames i was called.

tp never bothered me much.

when they would just straight up calling me Toilet Paper, well that was interesting.

but being the only black kid in school for most of my life, the n word was tossed around from time to time.

strangely that never bothered me much either.

names dont bother me. words dont bother me. very little bothers me.

the cubs and their mediocrity bothers me.

people who believe a president who has obvious personal agendas sorta bother me, but not much.

people who stand next to each other in escalators annoy me way more than pretty much anything nowadays.

if you really want to get me in a pissy mood, clog the escalator in the morning and look at the ceiling. maybe turn around and say “cubs suck.”

in other news i went bowling last night and flirted with some lesbians.

only bowled a 137.

i was only sorta drunk.

afterwards i slurred loveable words to my truest and she giggled. i told her that no offense to anyone else but i have yet to feel a connection to another person like what i feel with her.

she said she felt the same thing.

i said lets go to britneys chapel in vegas and get hitched.

she said what about the paparazzi.

i sad f the poppies.

she said what about the maloof brothers.

i said f them too.

she said what about the fact i dont feel that way about you any more.

i said, hmmm.

then she told me she had quit smoking thanks to an out of date book that karisa got her.

and i fell for her even deeper.

malatemail + janelle + true

are getting the wrong impression about me on the internet. and since im too lazy to make an About section to summarize whatever it is that should be summarized in a smart and tidy little witty way let me just do it the way that we always do it here which is of course long and drawn out.

i should have probably been drowned when i was born but life isnt fair and ta da here i am for you.

im the greatest employee. im hardly ever sick, i get along with pretty much everyone who isnt a total jagoff, i dont mind working late, im completely versitile and im ridiculously loyal even if being paid an insulting wage.

i keep a nice-looking desk, im bubbling full of genius ideas, i ride the bus to work and i thoughorly wash my hands after i pinch a loaf.

at home i am a dirty, filthy, reclusive 110 year old man totally addicted to the internet, televised american sports, porn, bleeding-edge technology, and popular music videos. my sex drive peaked years ago. my eating habits have stabalized. my rum drinking is certifiably under control. but my mansion is usually cluttered, stuffy, and riddled with lust.

i have lived long enough to learn that the people you need to impress are already impressed with you, and those who will never be impressed should be utterly ignored.

focus on your mother.

would she be happy with what youre doing?

big picture.

for that reason i never became a porn star, a drug dealer, or a congressman, even though i know i would have succeeded in mythological ways. sure my mom would have been proud that i was best in my field, but it was best in a field of shit.

but ultimately, your mom will always be proud of you, so quit sucking freuds dick and get on with your own life

your

life.

yours.

good bands focus on the crowd at hand.

its not about selling a zillion records in new zealand.

it’s about making the people in the house dance.

i hate phonies. i hate liars. call me anything you want but you cant call me a liar. and if i lied let me know immediately and we will clean that shit up pronto as in pronto as in now motherfucker, now.

i know im not the most easy man to always deal with and for that reason i am most grateful in life to the women who have not only put up with my dumbass bullshit but then knealt down before me

if theres anyone who knows i dont deserve shit, not even the three squares and a roof that i would get in the joint, its me, but that doesnt mean that i should bullshit anyone in my daily walk, especially those who happen to stumble across this little sand in the hourglass.

i get a thousand hits a day on this blog. its more than lots. but its not even close to some. and even if i got more than everyone i would still keep it real as in really real as in really though because keeping it real is why we love nwa and angus young and bob dylan and why we hate as in HATE people who try to bullshit us.

because this is what bullshitting is

its one person saying

you are too fucking stupid to know that im bullshitting you right now so here it is.

the lies dont insult me, it’s the part of me that you thought you could capitalize on.

which is exactly the part that i play keep away with the nba cheerleaders who often frequent my bachelor pad.

im a man full of love. bubbling over. but also steaming of hate. my hate has no end.

i hate people who cant think for themselves and make decisions off shit they Know makes no sense. i hate people who think a blowjob in the oval office is truly something to impeach someone over. i hate people who dont think precisely as i do and i hate people who dont know that i know that nobody thinks precisely as i do.

i hate newspapers which seduced me and then just as quickly all sold out. all.

i hate radio which was once my salvation but now is nothing but a way for the devil to make me hate from a deeper place, dare i say Special place.

i can run for hours. i can spit straight between my front teeth. im deeply religous. i drink red labeled whole fresh milk.

im a great bowler. im a lazy but skillful lover. im a dull but loyal boyfriend. and im the worst enemy of all time.

but mostly im just an american man slowly aging

and who will one day

before you know it

be dead.

but not gone.

cuz nothing good really goes away.

and as little self esteem i have,

i know that im good

if only at writing on this faggy little bullshit blog.

sk smith + jaime + d.lo

specially by dipshits.

a long time ago roget ebert said that the internet was the greatest invention that man ever created so that strangers could connect over long distances and tell each other that they suck.

what sucks about most of the people who leave anonymous negative comments to my posts about how riduculously transparent our fuehrer’s lies are is that they never

ever

ever

back up their whines with facts or admissions or halfway concessions or ideas or reasons or excuses or apologies or different takes on what i present.

they just roll off their sisters, fire up their aol, and tell me i suck.

well duh, i know i suck.

tell me something i dont know.

but that still doesnt mean that our president isnt completely full of shit and up to his eyeballs in lies, deception, and impeachable acts.

and it doesnt mean that rumsfield didnt look like a stuttering old man who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar this afternoon during his press conference.

what im asking for i dont believe is all that difficult, however the gutless will see it as a challenge and wont own up. but what im asking for is a dialogue of even the most simple sort.

kids could figure it out.

if someone says something that you disagree with, write out what parts you disagree with and give reasons why and then leave your name and an email address and/or homepage.

if you really believe what it is that youre writing in my comments, that is.

sam + tomdog + flingus

i hear you want to throw money at this george bush problem.

all i suggest is you throw it in the right places.

in the picture to the left you see a pretty girl who spent some money on a nice outfit, tennis lessons, and a nice racquet.

sometimes its better to spend money on a prettier girl instead. or twenty prettier girls.

according to reuters you plan on spending $12.5 million to defeat president bush.

all i can say is, if i was you, a billionaire, seriously committed to removing a president who has lied about weapons of mass destruction, lied about taking a country to war, illegally detained hundreds of people for two years now, crippled a once vibrant economy, and is poised to be one of the most rotten scoundrels ever to be called the president of the united states,

i would think bligger.

what hes doing in the name of freedom

in the name of america

is disgusting.

plus hes a fucking moron.

whys there a fucking lying moron running my country blowing shit up and killing and imprisoning people in my name and making me pay for it?

but whats creepier is how many people dont mind him.

and what do we make of the alleged millions who support the little fuck?

well you go spend your money.

me, im gonna write on my blog.

count the times i have sex this year

7

and start a new online zine

entirely written by women

a place for female bloggers to write what they dont write on their blogs.

Lick

sex

drugs

rock

something to do other than nothing

what id rather do is receive a check from you, mr soros, for five million dollars. and id rather put together a staff of excellent writers and photographers and pay them the highest salaries that theyve ever had

to make the finest online political web magazine ever

called the bush report

for the sole purpose of making sure that the american people know the truth about who they’ll be voting for the next time theres a presidential election.

if i was a billionaire and i couldnt expose a dumbass like george fucktwit bush with my $12.5 million

and i actually had an extra $5 mil

to invest in the interent

which, like rock n roll

by the way,

isnt dead.

thank you.

well, if it was me,

id invest in something cheesy like the power of the truth

written like nails blasting out of a damn shotgun.

hell, fellow billionaire mark cuban

invested more than that this year on antoine walker

and all cuban wanted to do was beat the fucking lakers.

layne + welch + langfield + sullivan + minx

cuz they seriously dont care what you look like. i love that. all they care about is your personality.

in a way theyre sorta like dogs. except dogs dont even care about your personality, the only things dogs care about is that you dont beat them and that you feed them.

republicans are even more loyal than dogs. republicans will stand by their man regardless of whether that man bankrupts their country, or lies about why he’s sending their sons and daughters to war.

im not that loyal.

if i was lied to by my president about pretty much anything other than getting a hummer in the office, I’d probably be pretty pissed off.

but to be lied to about why we’re going to war… especially if i was a veteran, or a parent of a soldier… or a proud american… that would make me wonder why the president isnt getting in any trouble.

i mean i remember back in school, if a person lied about something dumb like who they liked or something, that wasnt a big deal. but if someone lied about something that, i dont know, ended in hundreds and hundreds of american military men and women dying and the country going into billions of dollars in debt – even more debt than before… well, if someone had done that in school, theyd definitely be sent to the principals office.

but republicans are so loyal, more loyal than women and dogs, that they’re not only not demanding that bush gets sent to the office, but theyre completely ready to re-elect him.

i find that fascinating.

even more fascinating than a pretty little skinny woman marrying a man 5 times her size

who wears glasses

soundbitten + lick + blue cad

he’s 50. 50 years old.

howard is my favorite dj. but hes not really a dj, hes a talk show host, and probably the best interviewer in all of television and radio.

he doesnt get the credit he deserves but who does, really?

although he stole a lot of his act from my first favorite dj, mr. steve dahl, he has taken that “shock jock” style and elevated it to a higher level that im not so sure steve could have done if steve had moved to new york in the 70s and not chicago.

regardless i love howard. he has the best show on tv. he has easily the best radio show around. hes consistantly funny. he rarely bores me. his bread and butter is his celebrity interviews but his left hand uppercut is how he makes stars out of the people you expect the least.

from fred the elephant boy, to gary the retard, to kkk guy daniel carver, to stuttering john, hank the angry dwarf, beetlejuice, high pitch eric, and crackhead bob. howard can turn the most ridiculous into the most hilarious. he’s the modern day ed sullivan and even though he’s number one, he gets no respect from hollywood because he kisses no ones ass. which should be a lesson to you all.

hes got my respect.

look at the guests he had on his e! show last year. heavy on strippers and porn stars and retards. a sprinkling of top shelf celebs, but howard teaches us indirectly that the big stars arent the most entertaining, its the average people out there who are the most interesting.

if you think that exhibitionists and crack heads are average.

he can dress in a dress and hes funny. he can get a divorce after 20 years of being married and its funny. he can date a model he has no business being with and its funny. he can threaten to quit his show after yelling at his boss and its funny. hes a real guy who’s not afraid to say what he thinks and its not only funny but its educational.

and then there are the lesbians.

no one had the nerve to allow lesbians to be themselves on tv until howard showed up and some might say he opened the same door to the gays, midgets, pornstars, and retards too. i would.

thanks howard for waking up at 3am every day for our asses and being funny every damn day.

thanks for not having a web site, or tshirts, or coffee mugs.

thanks for not being a sell out like pretty much the entire world.

happy 50th birthday.

you are the king.

f jackie,

tony

jarvis + adrants + king of all media

shes now 22.

never have i deserved any of the girls who i got to spend time with, but no way should i have had a girl like ashley like me the way she did and probably still does.

yes, it began as a simple internet friendship, and yes, it turned into much more.

shes as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside, and shes even more beautiful in person.

when she kisses you she keeps her eyes closed and lets it sink in.

she likes to hold your hand at all times

she squeals

once i woke up with her playing with the hairs on my chest and she said what would you like today boo

and i said three lovers in three ways

and she rang the little bell and miss gwen stefani appeared with a cloud of smoke behind door number three

and we all danced.

i danced the best

there were judges.

that night the skys parted and a beam of light shone through the stars and gwen stefani ascended into the better place and ashley asked me to write down what had happened so i wouldnt forget it

later we held hands

and fell asleep.

i miss her immensely.

theres no replacing someone as sweet, full of excitement, and a thrill to be with.

and im pretty sure my website has suffered with her absence.

happy birthday, daisy girl from the future worlds.

youre always in my fondest thoughts.

me and ashley rent a car + she was just 19 the other day + her livejournal