how long can you write until the sexiest clipper girl there is gets over here. ten minutes ago she said she was ten minutes away. in that time i have brushed my teeth, picked up a few odd things, shot a shot of bacardi and found this picture from buzznet.

busy day today. something fucked up big and i got super mad and my boss didnt understand why i was mad and it was cuz i was swamped and ive been swamped all week and i said it was gonna make me have to stay at work till eight o’clock and i dont ok i will admit it i dont like to fly chopper one at night.

which why they never really wanted me to fly it. cuz you have to be able to fly it at night. most crime happens at night. and i was all fine then train someone else to fly it too but they first off didnt want anyone else to know its secrets which is sorta dumb what if i double cross everyone and b what happens when i die.

almost everyone dies in the xbi. hardly any old men. the old men in the xbi are usually the biggest cowards. hi.

shes gonna be drunk and fridayed and bold. im gonna fuck it up by not attacking her immediately and the tv will go on and nothing will happen till the morn, i dont know why.

i like watching the clippers and i wouldnta without her. corey magette tonight grabbed his arm right near the end of the game and went on defence with one arm straight down at his side just like how kobe looked the other night.

and the announcers were all, but they only have one timeout left. and they went on defence and then someone got the rebound and he held his elbow and limped-jogged back on offense and they bounced it into brand on the block and he got double teamed and kicked it out to jarick and magette raised his allegedly hurt arm and got the cross court pass, toed the three point line and hit a 40 footer.

they lost but they did it with a fight.

theyre a bunch of dirty nosed crazies. i love em. i miss darius and odom but so is the nature of the beast following the clippers.

i think what happened in the michael jackson thing today was awesome and id tell you more but hark could that be a knock at my door?

nutsy meggy + sahalie + eye want splinky to write something cool for lick

who want to fight with me and i tell him i do. then when i do some say no fair why arent you fighting and others say no fair why are you ignoring and some say… and you know what f what some say. since when have i ever cared what people say? but i suppose i do care what certain some say, not other some, not that im trying to be cold and calous and mean, but whatever. whatever. WHATEVER. i want to be like anti. anti doesnt care. whats his word. pffft. they told him he was too dangerous for the xbi and they gave him back his knife and escorted him out of the building. i told them to take it easy on him that if he did anything funny i would shoot him my own damn self and they overheard me i think esp no i wouldnt, chill and followed us both to the garage.

this weekend is the nfl championship games. this weekend is when i install my dvd burner in my computer. this weekend is when i will catch up on my sleep and go through all the Lick mail and sort it all out.

superbowl sunday we will launch Lick during halftime on the Lick site.

superbowl sunday we will announce the busblog Man of the Year.

but thats not for a few more weeks.

i dont know why i find it necessary to have a bagel every morning but i do.

i dont know why i find it necessary to tell you everything that isnt true.

81. aaron

82. aj

the other day i signed up for XXX Netflicks and yesterday i got my first two dvds. it works exactly like Netflicks. i pay $15 for two dvds at a time and its interesting how my recordable standalone dvd recorder wont burn the copyprotected smut. and its interesting how only some of the porn is copyprotected. but whats most interesting is how bored i am with porn at this escalated age that i find myself in.

true life is better. usually. but movies can take us to a place where we dont usually find ourselves. but it seems to me that modern smut only wants to gross us out with their gaping orafices and messy faces and disgusting supporting actors. does anyone remember laughter?

in a perfect world an archangel will come down and whisper in my ear that its secretly ok to be the worlds greatest porno director and that i wont be shunned at the pearly gates that mars needs women but earth needs quality adult dvds.

its not that i want to live a life of excess on my mansion on the hill as snoop doggs nextdoor neighbro but if thats the way the cookie crumbles then crumble bitch, crumble.

meanwhile i guess im supposed to keep fighting crime that never stops and be there when a young girl wants to try out her christmas web cam?

one day i suppose that brown-haired girl will let me kick that football.

lets just hope the wind isnt too wicked and i get a block or two.

drawz + photo friday + mi amore

all the time and i feel bad cuz my email is terrible. i still havent hooked eudora up so im reading everything off my yahoo account and their spam filter is terrible and fuck those of you who dont understand what im talking about when i talk about hits. its not bragging, its putting things in context. guess what you get with that sort of traffic, which by the way isnt even a fraction of the traffic that what some better writers get, you get about 2,500 pieces of spam a day. i really do have to devote a fair amount of time to manage the email flow while trying to pick out the real pieces of mail.

anyway the kids write the best emails. all of it is about picking up girls. just like everything

wait a second.

its two am and 103.1 is playing bastards of young.

dear mexican radio station thats programing this clear channel radio station,

gracias.

so just like in baseball or basketball you have to know the fundamentals. and the first fundamental to getting anything you want in life particularly the attention of the weaker sex is to ignore the first hundred no’s.

and quit asking questions

would you like to go to the fair with me betty? isnt gonna get you to the damn fair.

baby im gonna get off work early on friday and pick your cute little ass up and you know what we’re gonna do

everyone loves a mystery

what?

five o’clock. pick you up here.

but i have a hair appointment.

lalalallala.

but i have to learn how to ski.

theres skiing where we’re going.

its ok to lie if youre asking a girl out.

as long as its funny.

im sorry but really id love to but i cant.

ok, 5:30

and for gods sake dont be yourself.

be someone taller.

3rd Leg + self portrait of a wishing well + kristin

left me a message to tell me he was pretty freaked out and happy. he was telling me that jen had delivered baby stella today.

he didnt mention once that it was also mlk‘s 75th birthday.

so i deleted that shit right away and put in the new corvids cd.

which is now available on Amazon dot com and of course on ken’s website.

like bonnie and charlie, don and jen met at the nexus. just like all of us.

they fell in love and got married in the presidio and far as i can tell have been living happily ever after.

don and i were roommates with layne charlie dan & hickey on haight street when i met my true love.

both jen and don are dynamite writers and excellent people and some believe the secret reason why frisco is still cool.

happy birthday stella, you’re already ahead of the game after picking such kickass parents

and being born on an arguably historic day.

and now that you’ve given us this lovely child, dear Lord, can you please let the cubs get pudge and the professor?

please?

we were there when don and jen got married

sksmith welcomes stella + as does greg vaine

: mariah carey.

cuz she didnt go crazy again.

what label is mariah carey on again? well whoever shes with are wasting their money. that girl needs to get on tv.

shes not in the loop of cool. shes not on the radio. i dont see her on tv. i dont see the paparazzi all over her ass. and as far as i know shes not dating anyone famous.

whoever you are in charge of her success: wtf are you doing?

put aside anything you might think about her and start from what is:

shes hot.

she sings her ass off.

shes rich.

shes single.

right there she should be on mtv even a little bit. and yet i dont see her. why? evanescence is none of those and i hear and see her ass everywhere.

shes the best selling female artists of all time and her latest album charmbracelet debuted at #3 on the wings of one of her strongest songs in quite a while “through the rain”.

shes not the hasbeen.

not yet, at least.

the last single mariah released was a cover of def leppards “bringin’ on the heartache” another in a long line of 80s hits that shes covered over her career. it peaked at #26.

people want to buy mariah carey.

she might be a crazy bitch, but the crazy bitch can sing.

island records, def jam, which ever one of you is lucky enough to have her right now, find her some damn songs to sing.

every girl on the number one show on tv, american idol, would die to sing like mariah carey. and watch how some of them try.

and there she is, the real mariah carey and i havent seen her on tv in what seems like years.

beyonce should pay close attention

just like mariah should have paid attention to whitney.

if i was def jam i would have mariah come out with a billie holiday songbook

show a little class

win a few grammys since theyre practically giving them away nowadays.

and do it before whitney does

or worse

celine.

christina aguelera was the 2003 woman of the year

kate reports on 103.1 today in the LA Weekly! + welch rejoices as well + insideamind

yeah, i know, i cant believe im writing you either.

you have a radio station out here in Los Angeles that makes me very happy. it’s called Independent 103.

and you own it.

you just played Madness “house of fun”, before that you played the Cure “pictures of you”, now youre playing The Smiths.

i heart you.

youve played the Ramones a few times today, the Clash, nirvahnah, temple of the dawg.

last night i caught you playing the Pixies.

you rock the polyphonic spree like crazy and the beasties and soundgarden and im down with that.

so yeah, im in.

and yes, i know youre the devil, but what can i do.

if you cant beat em, you sell out to em, isnt that how it works?

whatever.

what id like to do is write a blog for you. whats a blog? it’s this. what would your blog look like? it would look sorta like this but it would be different.

what it would be would be the story of the radio station that waltzed into the city of angels playing x and rancid and planted the flag for the new alternative.

it would be the daily tale of the radio station that taught kroq that radiohead should get played more.

kroq right now is saying, whats this?

this is what you get.

you want to be independent, 103.1? then get yourself a blog. but better yet get yourself a blogger who will sit around in his board shorts drinking and writing while listening to your radio station.

maybe late night you’ll give me a little radio show where we will all talk about music with the kids.

but right now lets just focus on the blog.

you need one.

actually you dont need nothin. you dont have any djs and thats fine. who needs djs. you do need to lay off the pearl jam. youre playing betterman now which is ok, but how about pearl jam only three times a day. 20 times a day is not ok. k?

i will work for cheap.

i will interview the bands that you play and put it in the blog.

i will make fun of your competition.

i will link to your stream.

i will make you proud.

i will work from home.

hire me clear channel.

hurry.

hur

r

y

our girl kate wrote about this very same topic today in the LA Weekly!

alicia + betsy + mary

now im reconsidering.

theres a super hot chick who says she will get it on with me if i shave off my trademark fro.

i know it’s very samson and delilah but you should see this girl.

thing is i would do it if two or three girls would get it on with me, but one? hardly seems worth it.

last year it took a good 7 months for my fro to grow back. and at 110 years old ive gotten my fair share of tang. some would say more than my fair share. hell, id say more than my fair share.

still, you should see this girl.

today she called me and said, why dont you see if you readers would throw in $500 if you shaved it off and i told her never to disrespect the generosity of my readers again!

although it would be fun to see if people would chip in to see me clean shaven.

what would be the proper payment to completely shave a mans hair from his head?

sex once?

money?

sex twice?

lots of money?

a new tv?

one of those plasma jobbers?

i pretty much have all the worldly posessions a man could want.

i dont know.

i really dont know.

but i do know that the makers of gawker are looking for a travel writer and i also know that splinky is inbetween jobs.

i also know that im seriously considering selling ads for the best new radio station in LA, 103.1 which now streams