have i told you that life isnt fair?

have i told you that work is hell sometimes like on hot days up in a whirlybird when all you want to do is take off your shoes and walk on the beach for even 15 minutes.

i want to take off my shirt and lay in the sun and listen to floyd zep doors dead santana janes pixies angus malcom, me and the ladies went to rock n roll thai the other night and first they put in pixies doolittle then they put in porno for pyros and i couldnt have picked two better cds or ten better dishes that we munched to.

i want to borrow somebodys golden retriever and somebody elses frisbee and somebody elses girlfriend and somebody elses convertible and i want to drive everyone to zuma where i belong today.

have i told you ive had the most wonderful life?

do you know i have the bestest friends and the nicest inbox.

when im up here chasing criminals and listenening to all the drama in my earpiece the best way for me to protect my soul is to remember that this thing could collapse any minute and the next minute i will be a splat on the 405 only to be cooked by the firey explosion and rush hour traffic.

so i think about the nice things, like spider rings and candy necklaces on girls with experience.

the devil messes with my hairline and my dumb face and my kidneys and my confidence but the angels send a parade of miracles my way every damn day.

cubs are still in first place.

cubs will stay in first place.

this guy we’re staking out doesnt know there are twenty xbi agents listening to his every word.

he keeps singing living la vida loca to himself.

one of our guys is calling him gay, but our info says hes not gay. now the debate is whether or not its gay to be humming or singing or whistling ricky martin.

now one of our sharpshooters, a woman, is asking us why we men are so concerned if someone is gay or not.

now i cant get that stupid song out of my head.

now im singing it in my microphone.

now lots of people are singing it in their microphones!

now im laughing.

allison + sarah + oliver

is how do you blog about it?

gentlemen are taught to not kiss and tell. and one of the tricky dance steps of getting a girl to trust you is to ensure her that you wont blab all about her super soft skin, totally waxed everything, and the way she moved perfectly.

danish. blonde hair everywhere. little mermaid tattoo. if you’re lucky she’ll show you.

nineteen. n-n-n-n-nineteen.

how do these girls at nineteen know so much.

when i was nineteen i didn’t know shit. i still don’t know shit. but i certainly didn’t know about fuck.

and last night i fucked like i was nineteen – cautious, quickly, and apologetically.

what’s danish for oops lets try it again in a minute.

many moons ago she found me through a google search for “cheerleaders”. by the way thank you google. thank you. thank you. thank you.

her english is good but wasn’t always so good and at first i thought she was being mean to me and im very sensitive and i stopped chatting with her.

later we got to chatting again and she asked me what fuck was since i use it in so many ways on here and she was confused.

nineteen and naked in no time.

she said i didn’t look american and i said she didn’t look danish and i put on guns and roses and i was doing it with a girl i just met.

who am i?

what world am i living in what life am i leading what will my judgement day look like what will the neighbors think what is this girl who is so quiet thinking of how im doing what i probably shouldn’t be doing but why shouldn’t we be doing what we totally want to be doing.

didn’t last long. too turned on. far too hot in therre. blonde hair everywhere.

i wont kiss and tell but i’ll lick and lie

she said i will only be in town for three more days i said stay here she said she couldn’t and we held hands and looked at the mariah carey poster across my room and i told her that i wish i had a plasma tv, and i wanted to tell her that i could have taken the plasma tv that we swiped from a counterfeiter in the valley but gave it to an old folks home. guilt is a motivator.

i have a baseball that many of my girlfriends have signed for me to look at on rainy days.

im now thinking of starting a new baseball of girls who’ve wanted to kiss me because of this url.

you need these things when your self confidence could breakdance on the head of a pin and you have the memory of a goldfish.

she was tall and tanned and lean and quiet until she wasn’t so quiet and she said she had to get back to her girls who were probably destroying the hotel in anaheim and i walked her to her white rentacar and the security guards from the church across the street rode their bicycles in circles and watched

and then they talked on their walkie talkies

and then they just sat on their bikes.

and when she drove off i esp’ed to them that i didn’t understand any of this either.

beta blog + meesh + mc browns party pics + hft