today is kyla’s birthday, i think shes 19?

i am not a good uncle. i probs would have been a bad dad.

my shrink asked me why i never had kids,

i said because condoms work.

she said but why didn’t you want kids?

i said, i think it was because the ladies i was getting naked with didn’t want them.

she asked, if you met someone who wanted kids would you have them?

i said, if i was in love, madly in love,

which is code for stupid, sure.

she said, you think love is stupid?

i said no, i think love is the greatest, but when you are in it you do super dumb things, and i am telling you this out of experience.

so you think having children is dumb? she asked.

i think me having kids is a risky move because of course i would love them and try to be cool to them, but i overshare and i dont see a lot of parents do that, so maybe it’s not a good thing, and if i was around little kids i would want to do the good thing, not the idealistic thing, and i have no clue what the good thing is

and maybe the good thing is to just lead by example and not be an asshole

that way if a kid, like say, my niece, sees me doing things, she will say “oh that seems not ass holey. i think i’ll do that too.”

which isnt to say i havent been an asshole to people, in fact i think about the times i have been so cruel, all the time. but i think the reason we are still breathing is to grow and learn from those sins.

kyla this year helped me transcribe some of the things ive been writing and that was an unexpected joy. and i paid her and she said you poor. i said doesnt matter, you should always ask for payment when you work.

she said, ok but how about you put it in my college fund.

which i did. totally forgetting that college for her starts soon.

in my head shes still a little kid putting on way too much sunscreen.

got pretty much no sleep last night

not sure why. maybe i drank a Coke too late?

just couldnt get to sleep, so i wrote some deep dark secrets and sent it to someone.

maybe as a replacement for the missed therapy session from this week?

i wanted to get it off my chest because it was something i both worried about and something that i have zero control over.

for example, you could get in shape, buy the coolest clothes, steal the best car, read all the current best sellers and then go on 100 dates

there is no guarantee you’ll have chemistry with any of them.

likewise you could go outside because you hear theres a guy jacking off in the middle of the street and meet your future wife.

life is bizarre, which is fine.

today i saw an IG story where this girl went to Lobster Village with her parents and I DMed her and said wait the Mexican border is open? she was all yep.

and even though no one knows its open its still a two hour wait, she told me to cross the border back to the US

theres nothing i need at the border.

i can get lobster here and i dont.

i just like the concept of being free.

is social media bad for us? yes.

would it be great if i can really sustain myself through podcasting
so i wouldnt have to be on social for hours and hours studying it
so if i do get a gig that includes promoting things on Twitter FB and Instagram,
i’d know what to do?


yesterday i was looking through IG and saw these models at a White Party

it was a birthday party for someone who rented a mansion and spared no expense, they even had mostly nude women who you could eat sushi rolls off

across town the Lakers are playing to a mostly empty arena because we’re doing our best to end this covid nonsense

in a few weeks we wont have to wear masks anywhere

but obviously a lot of people just cannot wait a few more weeks

and do this instead

and yes it makes me irritated.

but when you think about who these people are at this party

these are people who have made small fortunes being beautiful and flaunting their wealth and cheekbones

one of the women eating the california roll allegedly bilked her sugar daddy out of $1.3 million, and worse, broke his heart by saying no to him after he proposed over the phone.

some of us need to be outside, at parties, dressed to impress, and in the feeds of nobodies like me,

and then placed in world famous blogs.

so i cant be mad at them for long.

indeed, we should take pity.

today was national burger day

in n out taught me a lot about life.

typically i shy away from the hype. when i moved here in the early 12th century, i was all about Fatburger because of the Beastie Boys.

but back then i had terrible stomach issues and spending that much money on a giant hamburger that i couldnt finish was sorta stupid, although i did like that back then they had jukeboxes in all of their stores.

eventually amateur doctors taught me about the benefits of mary jane and i started eating different foods. one of them was in n out. which at first i hated but after time i started


the lettuce and tomatoes.

it took years.

but the freshness of those items is, to me, what makes the in n out burger so good.

as someone who once worked at mcdonalds i can tell you that the lettuce and tomato there wilts super fast. somehow in n out are able to keep everything crispy and juicy.

pretty sure witchcraft is involved, but dont quote me.

today my mom asked me for the fifth time if i would go to hawaii with the family.

i said fine because i havent seen my mom in forever and they tell me weed is now legal overbythere

the culture is lit and i had a ball

i listen to LDR every night as i float into that frightful dark dimension

i took a nap this afternoon which is tempting fate 2x

i dont like sleeping bc i dont like dreams bc i dont like lies

if theres one thing that will ruin our relationship is when untruths appear

and i know, you’ll say, but tony, dreams don’t pretend to be anything

other than

dirty fibs told to us while we’re powerless

but still.

why even have them.

i get so mad after a dream. good or bad.

good because it was fiction

bad because now im stressed for no good reason?

i day dream plenty, trust me.

this college dean said if youre gonna nap, just dont make them longer than 40 minutes

and that works

but still i feel like there was monkey business going on when i was down

which is not cool

but this song sure is.

the husband of a good friend reached out to me

it was perfect.

i was asking for podcast equipment advice on my facebook.

he DMed me and said i will help you and i will sound engineer and edit your podcasts

i said why?

he said because i am an angel that has floated down from Above

i said i’ll give you half of what comes in

he said, works for me.

then he texted me the device i should get

and the extra microphone

he’s a musician so maybe he can also perform some of the musical ideas i have

for example every two weeks im going to need a theme song for the place im talking about

even if he can’t do the theme song

maybe if i hum it to him he can make some joyful noise

and if it’s not good at least it will be weird

even bad is good sometimes when it comes to theme songs

and the best part is, if this thing takes off, and i say to the crowd: ok i need a theme song for This Subject, then people can make the themes and we’ll play all the best ones on the podcast.

user generated content

anyways im very happy today

i was so happy i slept in too late. me and my shrink had agreed to have our session today instead of tomorrow and it was to be at the ungodly hour of 10am

naturally i slept past that and hadnt even set an alarm,

got charged $100! which is fair. i’ll never miss a session again.

anyways im gonna go all in on this podcast

if i die, i loved you all.

at the turn of the century i worked at this place

and one of our clients was MGM and MGM liked me and said you can have any of our DVD titles.

and i dont know if this is still the case, but back then it was pretty slim pickins

so if the richest man in the world wants to pay 2x the price for MGM ($8 billion)

simply so he can get the Apprentice outtakes

and every week embarrass Trump by showing what a

racist sexist baby he is


and accidentally revitalize a once-important studio

i say fuck yeah.

anyways i said gimme a nice little box of katharine hepburn movies

instead they gave me every james bond film

none of which was of any interest to me.

when i was young i sold tvs

it was the first time i was paid commission. and i loved it because i knew i was better than most of the other people in that store and it was nice to get paid more than them.

but after a while i had to leave because it was sad that the rich customers always got great deals because they knew how to haggle and the poor people always got ripped off because they didn’t even know you could ask for a lower price in a place like that.

so i went to work at a gas station. i wanted to be of service to people. i didn’t care that it paid less money. i didnt have to wear a suit, i was working outside, and even if it was basic – just washing windows and showing a guy his air filter was dirty AF was helpful. i wanted to be helpful.

i still do.

during lunch i would walk across the street and get some hot food and bring it to my car and eat it and listen to music on my headphones and take a little nap.

one of the tapes i would play was Elvis Costello’s new one at the time which was King of America. the weakest song on it, in my opinion, was a cover of the 1964 hit “Please Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” that was written for Nina Simone before I was born.

i didnt understand the lyrics, i didnt understand the arrangement, and i didn’t understand why Elvis would include this tune into his incredible King of America album that was so unique and interesting… especially since Elvis didn’t really do much to the song any differently than what The Animals did in 1965.

but as i have gotten older i have been misunderstood

a lot.

and it sucks.

and i think Elvis probably felt the same way.

to me it’s a prayer.

it’s admitting that the singer IS being misunderstood and they would like for it to end.

part of artistry is to have a shade of mystery.

but with that comes a bit of confusion.

elvis costello’s name isn’t even elvis.

and on King of America he utilized three different noms de plume for himself. is that to be more understood or less?

so the more creative one is in their art, the more likely people are going to misunderstand.

all of that is fine.

it’s when ones intentions are true that one gets frustrated.

if you say the most basic, simplest thing to someone and they react as if you had said something totally different, thats where the friction becomes uncomfortable.

and snoozing in my grandmas caddy in 1986 i hadn’t yet learned that yet

because back then i was trying so hard to keep things so simple: pump gas, check the fluids, get the air pressure levels, get the money, go home and study

the only confusion i got then was from my gemini girlfriend,

but for some reason that was fine.

for the rest of this year

im gonna be in the busblog business.

i bust my ass for everyone else. i give away every idea i have. i connect friends. i do all the things. always have.

how about for the next year, and possibly next 15 years i do that for me.

how about i live my life in freedom.

its shitty i gotta say that today because the landlord is sending over workers to paint my apartment and do all these other things


which is not a time i would have agreed to

but whatever, if thats the only part of freedom i dont have, so be it.

fucked up and took a little nap tonight at 8pm and that’ll surely fuck up my sleep

but again, if that is the roughest part of life, then boo hoo.

tomorrow im gonna buy some recording devices.

im gonna then go out in the streets and talk to people.

i want to do that for the rest of the year.

and then see if i can do that for the rest of my days as a working man.

im reading this book about Twitter, which was first Blogger

and ev and the boys they didn’t know what they were gonna make when they first came to Frisco

they just knew they wanted to be part of something.

i wanna be part of myself now.

ive kissed all these pretty girls and worked at all these cool places

i dont have to work on maggies farm any more.

my farm is right here. hollywood. and every day theres something ripe worth picking.

every day theres someone with a story to tell.

just on my block alone theres people with tales, so many tales.

my question is, is can i keep the end product down to 45 minutes?


i know i know, howard stern has hour long interviews

but thats howard, he’s the king. im just a blogger.

gotta keep shit short.

but i dont wanna edit. so time consuming.

watched a movie today

Get Hard.

it made me laugh. then i took a nap.

thats the life i want: cook stuff, talk to my mom, work a little, make something, then watch a movie, take a nap, then wake up and hug my cats.

that might be the best way to do things for the next little while.

i’ll tell you this: its way better than getting up early, shit shower shave

eat in the drive thru

go to a workstation

make magic for someone who wishes youd quit

go home, fend off cheerleaders, starlets and disco dancers

and try to hit the hay before 1am so you can do it all again in the morn

working for the weekend

what a terrible cycle.

at my age you shoulda learned something

and that education should change you

in a good way.

ive got two neighbors who are both born on the same day

geminis. both in great shape. we always tease that we should put a hot tub in our courtyard.

its a funny joke because aint no way we have room for such a thing, and we’d probably electrocute ourselves.

recently one of the neighbors got into a terrible cycling accident where she broke her jaw.

shes an ironwoman.

she was telling this to me and her gemini twinsie and i said ok for your birthdays imma get you each a Peloton and we can have them out in the courtyard that way no one gets hurt and you two can keep your lovely figure

and i can lose these spare tires

and we can look at the weird strangers that pass by our complex every day

and you shoulda seen their eyes light up.

my buddy Chris has been on a bike kick for 6-7 years now and he fits into clothes he wore in college when we were so poor we could barely eat.

only way imma get a new girlfriend is if i lose a good 25 pounds

or hit the lottery.

but probably the first thing said new girlfriend will ask me is

wait, you bought your neighbors Pelotons? are you insane?

and i’ll say

oh strap in

the night is young.