anyone who reads even two pages

of this knows im not gay. but the fellas at the expensive gay gym that i belong to, however, probably dont read my web page.

men are aggressive enough as it is. gay men, in a gym, in a locker room. sheesh. and everyone is trying to show each other how much more naked they can get.

needless to say, i dont like any of this. i get nervous. i get anxious. i want to dry off, change, and get the heck home.

theres good points to belonging to a gay gym, however. hot chicks for days.

bad parts is, i think anything that i do in the locker room is either the gayest thing i can do, or so damn homoerotic, that i couldnt even have planned it better for their enjoyment.

like the wonderfully talented sksmith, i, too, like to keep my distance when choosing a locker. yesterday i found myself assigned a locker right next to the two old men who try to out-naked each other and out-old themselves. they talk about their diseases, then they talk about how theyre fighting it with exercise and diet. they do all of this butt naked sitting on towels on the bench where i want to be changing.

so i walked to the front desk and asked for a locker in the back.

little did i know, but that was code for, “please assign the next gayest guys lockers next to me.”

so i work out, impress the models, sauna, shower, and there is the gayest guy ive ever seen, buffed out, dressing himself where i want to be. not only does my towel fall off as soon as i get there, but each time i try to adjust it, it falls off again.

fortunately there are prettier men all around and ultragay guy runs off giggling while i drip in a little puddle of shame.

i get a lot of letters from young guys

believe it or not, thats not why i started this thing. recently i let out the secret to as why i started this, but i digress.

Peter: if you ever have unprotected sex with a girl, and then have unprotected sex with another girl and you dont tell that 2nd girl what you did with the 1st girl, not only will you spread your ignorantly terrible disease, but if i ever meet you i will rip out your eyeballs, then chop off your head, then slice your “manhood” off and shove it down the remains of your neck and you will watch yourself choke on your own diseased nads.

once in Hell, i will make sure that each freaked molester begin and end each day raping you with their tools the size of redwoods.

i never understood the phrase, “dont piss where you eat,” until my health teacher explained VD to us pimply fools.

so, Peter, go get your AIDS test, ask for and accept their huge bags of condoms, and the next time you get lucky, dont catch anything from these sweet girls and dont pass your ignorant crap to the supersweet girls. unless you have had them tied up in your basement since they were newborns you have no idea where they have been, which means no one knows where you have been.

and dont ever introduce yourself to me because i just might break a hand on your skull out of principal.

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