the nosey neighbor came over last night

i had a package from ups that they had left with her. my mom’s easter basket had finally arrived.

the neighbor likes to chit-chat with me whenever she sees me, which is ok, cuz she’s pretty good-looking, and i try to be a good neighbor.

“pardon me for asking, but i have the strangest feeling that i worked for your mother.” she said.

“i dont see how that’s possible.” i said.

“when i lived in illinois i worked for the loveliest woman who had photographs of her only son, and the boy looked just like that.” she said pointing at a picture of me on my mantle.

i kept quiet.

“Pierce Bros. Mortuary?” she prodded

“Pierce National Life,” i corrected.

“Oh, the woman I worked for was at Pierce Bros. Mortuary.”

i couldnt tell her about the mortuary because sometimes we use it for the xbi, the only reason, i fear in my darker moments, that i was asked to join up.

“why is it that you rarely use your parking space?” she continued. “pardon me for asking, but it’s right next to my deck.”

my phone rings all day. why couldnt it ring then?


“but sometimes i see you drive rental cars?”

“rentacar places dont look at your driving record.” i said.

“i never knew that.”

“glad i could teach you something.” i said.

she invited herself in, i was boiling water for my potatoes. later she asked more questions.

“so are you the only heir to the Pierce National Life fortune?” she asked.

“the money will probably go to my sisters. i like to make my own way.”

“are you making twice baked pork chops?”

“why, yes,” i said.

and then she taught me the secret to making twice baked pork chops.

the secret is lust.

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