hi christina

hi sweetie, how are you feeling?

i miss you.

i miss you too. you have no idea how difficult it is posing for pictures and listening to all these stupid dirty old men run their mouths.

i think i can imagine.

ive been sending you signals in my pictures, honey bunny.

what sort of signals?

little things that i do with my hands to tell you that i miss you and i cant wait for you to defile me once again.

what sorta things are you doing with your hands?

just wait. you’ll see.

you’re too much. hows the record doing?

Stripped is #10.

#10? what the fuck is up with that?

at christmastime, sweetie, youre just lucky to be on the charts. trust me, im happy as hell.

i cant believe it. who’s above you?


no really. i mean, thats nice. but seriously.

ok, right above me is avril lavigne.

that little chick? i heard a totally differnet song on the radio the other day. not skaterboy, not the first one…

yeah, shes got a third one out. shes moving units. above her is Paul McCartney, a live record from his tour of the USA.

i thought live records didnt sell.

typically. but the boomers who couldnt afford the $100 seats are shelling out the cash to hear him sing fucking Hey Jude, i guess.

im so happy im not a boomer.

totally. then above him is Faith Hill.

Biggie’s girl?

no, the country singer. the blonde. shes real pretty. married to tim mcgraw.

oh yeah yeah yeah. ok. i can see that.

then j.lo.

shit. raymi and i were chatting for a breif second and she said she liked that song.

i want to get on raymi so bad.

get in line.

i mean really. im so into that chick.

i dont think she likes you.

oh she will. just wait. then 2 Pac is #5

2 Pac! isnt he dead? is it like a greatest hits or something?

no, tony, it’s new material. and it’s a double cd!

2 Pac isnt dead.

seriously. above him is Now That’s What I Call Music #11.

what the hell is that?

compilation of hits from this year. Nelly’s “Hot in Herre,” Dirty Vegas, Jennifer Love Hewitt, No Doubt’s “Underneath it All,” Shakira, Kylie, janet, Norah Jones, Coldplay, Creed. Dixie Chicks doing “Landslide.”

sounds completely awful.

it’s #4, bitch.

how can that possibly be in this time of Grokster, Kazaa, Morpehous, etc?

the RIAA is full of shit. it was #2 last week.

why dont people just download it all?

some people have lives. other people feel like cheap skates. some are just lazy. and then of course there are those who think that stealing music is immoral.

whatever, hoochie.

#3 is the 8 mile soundtrack.

again, wouldnt you think that the demographic who would buy that would download it?

i’m only going to say this one more time, the RIAA is full of shit. aint nobody losing money because of Napster. the kids will buy whatever they want to buy. And they will download it. And they will make copies for their friends, but they will still buy it. Hillary Rosen is so full if it, its ridiculous.

so what’s number one?

we’re not there hun. #2 is Tim McGraw and #1 is Shania Twain.

country is topping the charts?

looks like it.

no wonder the republicans are taking over. wheres snoop dogg?

this is his first week on the charts with his new cd. it’s #12.

what about justin???

that fool? he’s down to #19 after 4 weeks. he better get back with britanny or back with n*sync.

i love you christina agueliera.

then learn how to spell my damn name right!

13. chinpokomon


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