i had a phone interview with a big company today

it was a job where i would blog for a living. i think i fucked up.

its hard to answer their questions and not seem too cool for school but isnt that what youre supposed to do?

first question that i fucked up on was when the guy asked me if i considered what i did on my blog what i would do on their blog. i responded in a sorta flippant way.

i said, are you going to pay me to lie about my life and put up pictures of hot girls?

he said no. we want you to write about our projects.

i said ok then i suppose my blog wont be anything like the blog that you fellas want.

there was some silence on the phone and some whispering.

have i told you that the only time one should whisper is when one is in the bed with another?

it is.

i dont think i got the job.

i dont think i want to work for someone who doesnt understand me perfectly. not that thats ever happened before. recently.

im a little weary of people who want blogs on their corporate site who dont truly understand what blogs are for. people who want them just cuz their daughters tell them that theyre cool. they are cool.

im sure they will have a blog. one day. and a good one.

it just wont be any time soon.

and i doubt i will write it.

and if i do theyre going to have to pay me so much its gonna hurt.

fucked up thing about hollywood is the only time some people respect you is if you have a high rate and stand firm with it.

it doesnt mean that youre any good. it just means you know how to be stubborn.

me, i just want to write well.

live well.

rock well.

and fuck tons.

and you wish i wrote like this for your silly little corporate blog that you want your daughter to read.

anna wants to know why im ignoring her

im not ignoring her. im just not interested anymore. in her. and her dumb ass. which is russian. and married to a boybander. without the decency to britney spears that shit off.

someone bid on my fro. i forget who told me. mighta been my truest. cant remember. today has been a blur.

people need to bid on that shit. my mom wrote me an email this morning and said that even for my standards what im doing is gross.

if it had been a phone call i woulda told her that it shouldnt matter what im auctioning off, its for charity. if i had a bag of dirt on there people should bid so that the poor and the sick and the sexy can get free medical aid from the Hollywood Free Clinic on sunset blvd.

and since when is hair gross?

i know that jerry seinfeld has that joke about how we love hair when its on peoples heads but we instantly hate it when it’s no longer attatched.

its a joke because its true, but it shouldnt be true. hair isnt gross. it’s hair. its the same thing that we pretend makes someone look good or look bad. hair is dumb. image is dumb. hair in a plastic bag on my chair in my hollywood bungalow is dumb, not gross.

everyone, however, especially those at the xbi say that what im doing is gross.

f them.

what im doing is beautiful. im raising money for a charity. and youre helping.

and its funny.

and its right.

and it makes you think a little.

and for each bid that i get miss montreal says she will come over to my house and please me orally and thats a good thing.

trust me, its a good thing.

and heres what i will do. whoever is the highest bidder, let me know and i will link their website. in fact everyone who bids will get their pages linked. how about that smarties? huh? huh!

the other day i gave a hot girl a key to my house.

i tried to play it cool and say, my maid has one, so you might as well have one.

truth was i didnt like keeping my back door open when she would come over at night when i was in the shower.

scary enough being in a shower alone with nothing to protect you except a .45 and a back door cam, but to have a door wide open for just any old yahoo to slip in through is silly.

i told karisa this and she said, ooooo she can come in whenever she wants and i said yep.

and we drank a two dollar shot and i said yep again. feeling slightly defeated somehow.

which is just as dumb as you all thinking that my fro in a freezer bag is gross. so there.

splink is my role model + ashly writes for lick + bonjour avec boucles

tsar played last night

and im still recovering. $2 drinks on a weeknight are not good things for 110 year old mens.

the band was phenominal. there was a man who couldnt stay cool and HAD to dance and i felt his joy.

at one point karisa turned to me and said how amazing it was that tsar is so much better than every band thats out there right now and i agreed and we clinked our budweisers and then ordered kamikazees and shot them and then ordered rolling rocks and drank them and i toook tons of pics

and i hugged moxie

and i got my bald head kissed by many womens and they took pictures kissing my head and i smiled cuz it made me happy inside.

and tsar played and played and moxie told me that Mono Stereo was her favorite tsar tune, but tsar didnt know that so they didnt play it

but they played lots of new songs that were perfect.

i swear this band is going to come to your town and when they do you must go because this is how its done when you know how to do things.

this is the way of the west

this is the future of rock n roll boiled down to the essentials




and pretty melodies

and guitars and drums

and solomon trying to hide out but he cant cuz good shit is good shit and it sticks out like a sore thumb.

i was the luckiest man in the world last night

and when i came home i got on my knees and i gave thanks.

mc brown + moxie has a cute pic of me and her + acccordian guy