im listening to courtney loves new cd

lauren rocket

via netscapes full cd listening party. this will be my first listen of it and now i will write about it in realtime.

1. mono

did you miss me? did you miss me? courtney asks. yes baby yes. shes screaming. shes talking about ecstacy bad drugs and hard luck. i love her. this track rocks along. it sounds like a song that i would hear in a club from a soon-to-be signed band. i like that. she just said handjob. nice chorus. i love courtney. why does everyone fuck it all up and try to hate her. we need more courtneys not less. i gotta hear it tonight i gotta hear it tonight. she sounds desperate.

2. But Julian, I’m a Little Older Than You

starts out great. lots of words. whoops whats that there. a bridge? fake bridge? oh ok back to the words. i see paris i see france… ok not sure i know whats happening. i can smell her on you everywhere? i see, shes crazy. shes panting now. oi? i hear romeo void here. wheres the saxamaphone? shes a little bit older than us. and because of that she knows where we live. thats the lesson of this song.

3. Hold On To Me

ah, a slow song. we love it when courtney sings pretty like in malibu. this is one of those. this is a song i would cry to if i had a girlfriend right now who broke up with me. i love her voice. what a nice voice. people asked what courtney would sound like if she ran out of songs that kurt wrote for her. i think thats a mean thing to say. but if its a serious question, this is your answer. are those strings? no, psych furs keyboards. im the center of the universe shes teling us. i would call this song fm. its very rent-a-car and listen to the local fm station play aor. if i was courtney i wouldnt play these types of songs anymore. she should ask herself if guns n roses would sing it. or tom waits. this song they would turn off right away.

4. Sunset Strip

courtney sounds like paul westerberg here a little. whoops not any more. she sounds crazy but also adorable and vulnerable. dare i say girlie. she sure licked that l in climb (ka-LIME-buh). bad food bad sex bad tv… take all these stupid things away. like lines like those. i dont know how i feel about this. shes singing pretty good. the lyrics are bad and good at the same time. the singing, theres a lot of it. lots of words. were you jerking off to her or jerking off to me. i would like to hear someone cover this. yes, i would. its building up. you know this is all courtney. im glad theyre not calling this hole. is that whats missing. is that the problem here. too much courtney. did that guy… i got pills cuz im the best and worst dressed… i got pills cuz my coochies sore….

ok im gonna listen to that one again. i like this streaming but the sound isnt all that great. is that the idea? im glad i didnt have to register or anything. thanks for leaving out that annoying step.

it starts off good. about how she has everything. shes on top of the world. but she wants something. look at me for the very last time… rock stars pop stars everyone dies… i know i wont see tomorrow. i like this song. maybe it takes two times. it is a replacements song isnt it. she seems sad. this song sounds like something off pleased to meet me. that didnt make the cut. its better than lots of whats on the radio right now. yes i like it.

cuz we know we’re too good for tomorrow. how many suicide notes are we gonna see that written on in pink ink. this is a hard song to sing. she keeps getting more passionate is that the word. it keeps going up. sing this on american idols fuckers. it sounds like a song a guy would write in his first band ever. but better.

5. All The Drugs – hi, she just said fuck. isnt this supposed to be the netscape + aol “clean version”? my children are now totally useless to society. nice bass riff. all. the. drugs. too bad she hates marilyn manson. he coulda helped her make this one sound less 70s although i love that bass riff. its like deep purple. its like a little motorhead. theres that guitar i heard in the last record that made her seem old. hi. courtney is sounding like cher when she says mon-aye. shes saying that all the money isnt as good as all the drugs. its dragging here at the end. i think this is where the good guitar solo should be. this should be a guitar solo song like how moby dick was a drum solo song. eddie van halen would have done nicely since he hasnt done anything in 20 years worth shit. guest in courtneys next record and make her let you play 4-5 minutes of guitar jam in her next middle-less tune. this one coulda used your dying ass.

6. Almost Golden – i think rodney played this last sunday. i like this one. color me impressed. theres that rimshot beat from the last record. might even be the same beat. courtneys voice is doubled on the chorus. doesnt she have a friend to sing with? is melissa in this band any more? doesnt sound like it. that chick from the donnas probably woulda sang with you baby. we’ll see which one of us gets out alive? jim morrison is turning in his waterbed in africa. wasnt the end of catcher in the rye something about stay gold. is that what this is about. i hope not. sorta bad song.

7. I’ll Do Anything – teen spirit intro. interesting. get me from behind. im shocked. i like this. i cant type. its good. ok bad guitar solo for a second. lots more words. shes good at the words here. she sounds great. this would be an easy video to make. she wants him to throw her against the wall. gimme gimme. she wants it wants it. but why doesnt she want a good guitar player? i thought she was rich. she wants things. not sure what she wants. white boys and big black men? would i do her? again you mean?

8. Uncool – the begining here sounds like “dreamweaver”. good. ok no longer good. back to the mellow part. good. wait, bad. yeah this is a song that doesnt know if its a big song or a little song. this is something that should be a b-side. movie song? what the hell is it about. better solo. slightly. she wants to be uncool? keep making songs like this. this band seems totally studio. no heart. no style. no flavor. this isnt hole is it. who’s in this band. did courtney play all the instruments. once again, marilyn manson coulda helped you out on this one. he would have wiped his ass with it. and not in the good way. courtney please dont write these sorta songs. this does not befit a rock goddess, t’all.

9. Life Despite God – drunk. screaming. stark. theres an organ. now a tambournie. she sounds like maria mckee after losing a fight. she seems fucked up. i like that. baby baby baby shame on you. karisa said that people wouldnt want to buy her record if she kept getting thrown in jail. i disagree. everyone likes a train wreck. its beautiful with the right lighting. this song has the right lighting. oops i just heard fuck. netscape! my children! damn good song here. nearly blues. here comes the rainnnnnnnyyyeah.

i will


you up.

nice nice tune baby. some little girl sing this on american idol and she’d straight up win. this is scatty now, i love it. screaming now. perfect. kurt wrote this one didnt he. its so good. lack of production helped this one. nothing got in the way.

10. Hello – shut up, im gonna take your innocence for free. is how it starts with another 70s riff. shes doing the right thing. lots of hellos in the back. this is better than the earlier songs of this cd. why are two pretty damn good songs in there this deep. what if the kids in virgin records at the listening stations have to pee and dont make it this far down.

my babys dead. huh? what happened to this song. why this here in the middle? ok im officially confused. more hellos. i do like that part. will i get this cd. of course. its flawed as hell. maybe i wont. fire! what!?

11. Zeplin Song – second time she has mentioned a bus stop bench. sadly this might be the worst hole song ive ever heard. what is happening here. didnt she spend a lot of time doing drugs during the last few years. this is all you get after all that? shes talking about star sailor. not nearly as well as how pavement talked about stp. is she dissing zeplin. yeah, worst hole song ever. crazy in a bad way.

12. Never Gonna Be the Same – this sounds like a kiss song. a slow one. now it sounds like a motely crue first album ballad. too fast for courtney love. she just mentioned “show a little faith in me” and this tune sorta sounds like shes been listening to that a lot. its nice. maybe she shoulda covered it like mandy moore did so nicely. i like this one too. now it sounds like “goodbye to romance” without that amazing chorus. and of course no randi rhodes. this would be great in concert. lighters everywhere. i hope she plays only clubs. this would kill in a club. how on earth could you put zeplin song on the same record as this song and some of those others? who is telling courtney that shes making some bad choices? did drew appove of zep song? this is nice. thank you courtney. this is a good song.

ok so thats the record. not bad. sorta good. this is one of those instances where the iPod would be perfect. download the good songs and ignore the total failures. her muff-like shrieks are lame. but whatev. she seems to want to talk and sing a lot and i guess that shouldnt suprise me, but its a mighty chatty record. with that come some good lines. definately no trace of corgan or reznor. sad.

next record courtney needs to get filter to back her. or do an acoustic record. did i say folk? i might have. the thing that courtney is doing is trying to rock and i love her for that. but shes a mom. i hate to say it but she is showing some signs of mommy on the edges. shes not your typical mom but shes not the blue jean leather jacket rocker that she is trying to be on this record. the only time she seems dangerous is when its self inflicted. thats not what we need.

if she wants to rock the way it seems like she wants to rock shes going to need help. even neil young has crazy horse. that first hole record had a crazy horse present. this one doesnt. at all. which is sad because courtney is still a powerful presence and has a distinctive voice and collaboration wouldnt be such a bad move on the next one.

courtney called howard stern today + courtney love dot com + virginia anne + gods lonely man

barbie is breaking up with ken.

i dont blame her. fuck ken. women get barbie and we have that dickless prettyboy?

other thank smile, in 47 years wtf has ken done.

he’s kept the weight off. i’ll give him that. i looked in the mirror the other night and there is a gut there, america. wasnt pretty.

not like ken.


ken always seemed like he was waving at something.

what the hell was he always waving at.

fuck ken.

put “ken” into google and whattya get?

you get the substance abuse and mental health services administration.

i dont know why.

maybe cuz ken’s a druggie.

which is the secret reason why barbie, who never really seemed to have much use for bro before, kicked his plastic ass to the curb.

the second return of ken into google is ken layne and the corvids.

the best record that came out last year.

if barbie’s ken was in the corvids he wouldnt be waving goodbye to her sweet ass today.

btw, all the corvids have hot babes.

i got invited today to coachella.

the huge rock concert in the desert about 90 minutes away from hollywood.

two hot chicks might go. together. they may want to be with them. you know what i mean. every mans fantasy. but because i have been assigned the job of living this way so as to report back to you, this fantasy will become a reality.

heres my only problem.

im old.

im 110.

i look younger than that but its all xbi cgi.

this is what i want from coachella. i want an old fucks sextion.

luxury seats at the rock show.

i want it airconditioned, i want it shaded, i want tv screens. i want it to come with complimentary binaculars so i can see all the lovelies on stage and off, and i want bikini girls to bring me $10 beers (pictured).

i dont need luxury boxes at the laker game. i need them at the 8 hour rock festival.

i dont need luxury boxes at the dodger game. i need them so i wont have to stand stand stand during the cure stand stand stand during the pixies stand stand stand during wilco and radiohead.

sorry, but you really cant dance to those bands and f all of you for pretending that you can.

how am i gonna rock out to Air or Belle and Sebastian?

i love the flaming lips but i would rather sit down and enjoy their trippiness without some dumb frat dick in front of me in my way.

death cab, bright eyes, you will know us by the trail of the dead: i want to watch those bands not get crushed by college kids standing on their tip toes to get a good view.

i want a cushioney seat, i want a place to put my visa card so i can charge EVERYTHING including my chocolate ice cream in my commemorative cup.

and yes, id pay $150 for my seat, per day.

build it and charge my lazy olde ass, hippies.

the entire coachella lineup + bunny is going too!

john woo says im the luckiest man alive.

we bowled at streamwood lanes last night. road trip. some hotties were there distracting us. we went into the match in first place. i had dropped down to being the second best bowler in the league.

we started out with mgds. i didnt have any control and this one particular black girl was looking great. only problem was i was sweating from some shit that had happened in the unfriendly skies during 9-5 and i wasnt at my freshest.

and i wasnt bowling well. i dont know what was the problem but i figured i should at least hit on this babe and distract her from the fact that i was missing spares by justthismuch.

she admitted that even though she looked just like a chick from my sports illustrated desk calendar that she had only been intimate with one man. somehow this didnt help my concentration at the line.

so ordered a round of shots.

she drank the captain morgans and pretended that she hadnt ever before.

mmm this is suprisingly good. she said.

i was all, girl, you know those full lips have wrapped themselves around the good captain before and even though she had dark skin i could see her blush cuz you cant bullshit a bullshitter at the bowling alley of all places.

kid rock played through the tinny speakers next to the bar. i made some headway with the chickie as her friend did her best to cockblock me but i have all the workaround for all the cblockers and maybe one day you will be able to read my best selling book called cockblock this bitch.

what you have to do when someone runs interference is do as the matadors do and make them think theyve got you and then just turn your hips eversoslightly straighten your back and flash that sword and slap that beast on the ass as he bludgeons past you. do it latin style and hear the applause.

did i tell you im part latin?

mais, oui.

somehow the conversation ended up in the gutter which is fine. its good to see the limits a lady will go with you verbally with her friend next to her. if she goes too far in there shes a ho. if she gets flustered you have something to work with. if she wont even go there and puts her hands over her ears or seriously looks truly shocked.

they left in the middle of the third game after the alcohol had hit me perfect and oiled my pitching arm. it was cool.

until the games were over and everyone had left.

my man john woo pulled the truck around. we drove a few blocks and i had realized that i hadnt brought my lil school bag. so we hightailed it back to the lanes.

no bag.

which meant no keys no security bag no cell phone no porn on dvd no Pimp by iceberg slim and all that cash i had heisted from that mother fucker was no longer in my possession.

all i had was me john woo my buzz and his vehicle.

i did remember miss montreals number.

it was nearly midnight.

i had remembered that i had given her that key just the other day.

how i remembered her number is beyond me cuz this lil bowler hardly ever calls the ladies. they call him. ha!

but i did remember and i called and she answered and she said yes come over.

and john woo said dude you went from homeless and cold to having a big titted hottie waiting for you within 5 minutes.

and we sped down wilshire and even the buildings smiled a secret lil smile of youbastard.

best week ever + ravenwolf + bunnie will soon write for lick 🙂