i like to savor things.

i dont know why.

i do everything slow. i eat slow. i kiss slow. i walk fast but that doesnt count. i age slow. i hope to die slow.

one of the best things about lick that i forgot about was how great it is to have a mailbox where great stories end up.

two days ago ms. bunny mcintosh told me that she had an interview with raymi the minx and she had just emailed it to me because she loved lick and thought the conversation was perfect for the new web zine of love.

for some reason i didnt read the chat until today.

people, its amazing.

the new update to lick magazine will be sunday during the grammys.

there will be several new stories

wonderful design,

and an exclusive interview between two of my favorite writers on the internet.

heres an excerpt from the begining of their conversation:

bunny mcintosh: i should interview you

raymi: do it yes

raymi: interview my ass

bunny mcintosh: yes?

bunny mcintosh: ok

bunny mcintosh: are you ready

raymi: yes

bunny mcintosh: or wait. i have to think of questions

raymi: ok

bunny mcintosh: ok, what are you wearing?

bunny mcintosh: lets start this off right.

raymi: white old lady slipper. a blue and white cheerleader style sweater-thing. jeans. smith and wesson right to bear arms belt. black sox. blue underpants

bunny mcintosh: do you like canada?

bunny mcintosh: and also, have you ever seen a black person in canada?

raymi: yes there are many people of that color in my country. and yes i like canada. we have poutine here.

bunny mcintosh: poutine?

find out what poutine is and many other mysteries this sunday at lickmagazine.com

bunny + raymi + lick

people have lots of questions for me.

i think it’s nice.

q. do you have any pictures of chopper one?

a. yes. but theyre all top secret.

q. how old are you?

a. 110

q. are you really black?

a. yep.

q. when will the Cubs win the world series?

a. the what?

q. do you really have sex with all those women?

a. sometime we just play scrabble next to the fire and sip merlot.

q. if nothing in here is true, why did you write about your paternity suit thingie?

a. cuz welch wrote a great article, cuz huge people like the Instapundit mentioned it, cuz teenage girls are buying Reason just to get the full page color picture of me wearing my blogger hoodie to put in their lockers at school, and cuz i want people to learn from my mistake and get a lawyer if anything like this ever comes knocking at their door.

q. whats karisa like?

a. shes like what would happen if you could bottle Fun. and wrap that bottle with tight clothes.

q. you already have a popular blog, so why make Lick? nobody is going to go there.

a. au contraire. on both counts. Lick will get way more hits than the busblog in 3-4 months. i made Lick though to give people an outlet to write things that they wouldnt write on their own blogs.

q. how long did it take you to design Lick?

a. it took me one second to press the Send button to beg Ms. Raspil Iverson of bluecad.net to design it. which she has done beautifully.

q. how old are you?

a. 17.

q. when does Tsar play again, i HAVE to see them now that ive heard their cd.

a. ah yes, glad you asked they play at the Derby in Los Feliz on Tuesday 2/10 at 10pm. tell the man you read the busblog and you will get in for freeeeeeeeeeee.

mallory + why cant this woman live next door to me + franny

the daisy princess had a good day on tuesday.

showing a little cleavage  first she got to talk to me on the phone. then she got her poster signed by her hero. then she got to see her hero get her much deserved star on the hollywood walk of fame.

then she got to talk to me on the phone again.

then she got to go to the hollywood premiere of the new drew + adam sandler movie and see all the stars.

then drew’s assistant recognized her and offered her two tickets to the premiere, but because she had her bf and her best friend with her she needed three tickets so the assistant hooked her ass up with three tickets at the theatre next door and she got to see the movie and omg omg omg she had a great night

so she called me and left me a message and apologized for being a pain in the ass and i said it was cool and then she put her best friend on the phone and i offered to guess her weight in my own special way and her best friend didnt say no.

best friends never do.

anyway, im glad ashley had a great day. im glad she got to see her idol and the new flick and if somehow she reads this im glad that she got her picture back here on the busblog.

her luck just doesnt end.

hopefully the rumors of her favorite band’s breakup arent true.

grapevine + makeout city + buzz machine + circle square

did you know im a father?

yep. technically.

because nothing in my life is normal im the father of a child i have never met, from a woman ive never even touched, fertilized by sperm that was not mine.

how could this basic impossibility be reality?

because the contra costa court says so.

several years ago i was sleeping in the arms of my true love when i heard a thunderous pounding at the front door. this was odd because she and i lived in a gated apartment complex and nobody knocked at our door ever.

it was 5am.

at that point i was new to the xbi and i had the 6am – 3 pm shift so i was used to waking up early, but not in that manner.

i went to the door and it was the sheriff. they were serving me with some documents. i opened the package and scanned the contents and realized that i was being accused of being some 10 year old girl’s father.

relieved that it wasnt something serious or possible, i crawled back into my bed and assured my truest that everything was gonna be ok.

when i got home at 3:30pm i read the top page of the documents and saw that they were giving me two things i could do: 1) fill out the medium sized stack of papers or 2) call the number at the top of the page and “settle” the matter.

being someone interested in the possibility of settling something with a phone call, i dialed the damn number and was flat out lied to by the person on the other end of the phone:

just call back here every day for the next 30 days, she said, and we’ll know youre not the father.

little did i know, but because i obeyed the representative from the Department of Children’s Services i was falling for their ploy.

they knew that if i didnt fill out the paperwork and send it back to them within 30 days i would be deemed the father by “default judgement.”

they never told me this, of course, over the series of conversations that i would have with them each day after work

somehow it slipped their minds.

this is just the begining of an interestingly scary part of my real life.

a part that is in this months Reason magazine in a good long article written by my buddy mr Matt Welch

who in his spare time sings and plays guitar in the Corvids

a cd you need to pick up immediately.

matt digs up some incredible stats and stories about how millions of men have ended up in the situation that i found myself:


whats interesting is i have taken two dna tests, i do not look like the “tall, dark-skinned” Anthony Pierce that the mother describes the father as being and yet my case still continues. it’s now going into its third year!

it’s one thing to set a trap and lie to people to get them into that trap.

it’s another thing to keep them in there once it obvious that you have the wrong man.

there is a nebulous system that some people might feel the urge to raise their fists at,

but most of the time there are real people within that system who know very obviously that they could do something to right the glaring and obvious wrongs within that system

and when they do not

a demon gets his wings.

the reason piece + TPB, esq. analyzes it + as does cathy seipp + even the instapundit covered it