memorable quotes

from Back to School as thornton melon

Trendy Man : Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt.

Thornton Melon : You too, huh? She’s shown it to everybody.

Trendy Man : Well, she’s very proud of it.

Thornton Melon : I’m proud of mine too. I don’t go waving it around at parties, though.

Trendy Man : It’s an exceptional painting.

Thornton Melon : Oh, the painting.

[after Thornton Melon’s run-in with a showering sorority girl]

Security Guard: Perfectly understandable, Mr. Melon. It was an honest mistake. Let’s just call it a a bad day…

Thornton Melon : – but a great view! You’re all right, officer. Here, a little something for the kids.

[hands officer cash]

Security Guard: I don’t have any kids.

Thornton Melon : No kids? Well, get yourself some kids. Take it all.

[hands officer more cash]

Thornton Melon : And just remember, the best thing about kids… is making them!

Thornton Melon : What’s your favorite subject?

Bubbles: Poetry.

Thornton Melon : Really? Well, maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow.

from Caddyshack where he played Al Czervik

Al Czervik : Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Al Czervik : Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.

Al Czervik : Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.

Al Czervik : Your a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

Al Czervik : [to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don’t tell ’em you’re Jewish, okay?

Al Czervik : Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dogfood. I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.

as Mallory’s dad in Natural Born Killers:

[after sending Mallory to her room]

Ed Wilson : I’ll show her a little tenderness, after I eat. When I get up there, she won’t see my face for an hour.

“I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, ‘There goes the neighborhood!'”

“When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother.”

“When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out, my act was reviewed in Field and Stream.”

“Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?'”

“When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. … and no one showed up.”

“I never got girls when I was a kid. One girl told me, `Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. There was nobody home.”

“When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.”

“When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names — hers and her mother’s.”

“With my wife, I don’t get no respect. The other night there was a knock on the front door. My wife told me to hide in the closet.”

“With my wife, I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.”

howard stern will go to sirius radio in 2005 + bush’s “important” speech today + rodney.com + starbody

to the left of my blog.

yes, the busblog has partnered up with sbc’s new RSS newsreader “Project DU”. i did it for a few reasons:

– it was easy

– they asked

– they asked me not to change a thing that i typically would write or say on here

– it’s a way to reach more people without selling out.

– they flowed the busblog a few bones

– they have zero editorial control of the busblog

– i can still say fuck.

– the world is a better place with good RSS readers, especially ones that are pre-packed with my blog 🙂

sbc is a huge company. i am a satisfied long-time user of their dsl service, their long distance, and their web based email.

our buddy steve on adrants wrote the following:

SBC Launches Blog-Powered Desktop RSS Newsreader

Capitalizing on the explosion of weblogs and the rapid growth of RSS, SBC has launched Project D.U. (digital universe), a desktop RSS reader populated by feeds from weblogs in six categories. Believed to be the first branded RSS reader that comes complete with pre-loaded content, Project D.U. was developed to bring unique and different voices, along with SBC’s brand of course, to a wider audience. With Yahoo’s recent embrace of RSS in its new My Yahoo, RSS is fast becoming the preferred mode of information dissemination on the Internet.

Project D.U. was conceived by Dallas-based TracyLocke Director of Digital Initiatives Todd Copelvitz. Prominent bloggers in the six categories were approached and recruited by yours truly (to whom money was paid) along with others at TracyLocke. We tried to identify blogs with strong personal voice like Tony Pierce’s Busblog and blogs with focused subject matter like David Hauslaib’s Jossip or Jessi and Tom’s Big Bad Boat Blog. Project D.U. users can add their favorite rss feeds as well.

Obviously, SBC intends to garner broad brand recognition and sell some product from this effort and there’s no shame in that. What’s unique is the project’s win-win position providing long term branding for SBC, unique and different information for consumers and increased notoriety for those bloggers participating in the project. Participating bloggers are paid a small fee in exchange for Project D.U. pulling their RSS feed and adhering to minor guidelines. TracyLocke expects about 500,000 downloads of the reader by early 2005.

so if youre interested in having your favorite blogs sent to one place for easy-to-use reading, this might be for you. give it a try and let me know what you think about it.

project d.u. + adrants + nyc metblogs

of bloggers saying that dick won the debate last night.

shocking.

its true that compared to the president, cheney looks like a rocket scientist (which is why kerry cant wait for the next debate, or the election for that matter),

but that doesn’t mean that he won anything last night, especially when he passed during the second part of the gay amendment dialogue

spectacularly symbolizing today’s brand of conservatism liar’s poker.

im not sure, but i always thought that the purpose of debates was to explain your beliefs and how they are different than your opponent’s. Particularly concerning lil things like proposed constitutional amendments.

but you know what they say about opinions so here are a few pesky facts.

“Now, in my capacity as vice president, I am the president of Senate, the presiding officer. I’m up in the Senate most Tuesdays when they’re in session. The first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight,” the veep said while trying to dress down edwards on his senate record this evening.

The picture above says otherwise.

Infact according to the AP, the pair had met twice before the debates.

I know, I know… details details.

After Edwards criticized the bush administration and the veep for linking iraq with 9/11, cheney rebutted thusly:

“The Senator has his facts wrong. I have not suggested that theres a connection between Iraq and the 9/11…”

However on 9/14/2003 on Meet the Press dick said this when asked to define success in Iraq:

If we’re successful in Iraq, if we can stand up a good representative government in Iraq, that secures the region so that it never again becomes a threat to its neighbors or to the United States, so it’s not pursuing weapons of mass destruction, so that it’s not a safe haven for terrorists, now we will have struck a major blow right at the heart of the base, if you will, the geographic base of the terrorists who have had us under assault now for many years, but most especially on 9/11.

now i might just be one of the many daily show stoned slackers but that sure sounds like a suggestion of a connection between iraq and the 9/11 to me.

but the saddest moment was when cheney asked viewers to go to “FactCheck.com” so they could, well, fact check the young senator. factcheck.com, however, is the George Soros-funded anti-Bush site that is now being re-directed to Soros’s homepage

whose main headline currently reads

“President Bush is endangering our safety, hurting our vital interests, and undermining American values.”

way to win a debate, dick.

the brains on the ticket.

what the vice president obviously meant to lead millions of web-surfing americans in search of fact checking peoples asses to was the non-profit FactCheck.org, which at this time (4:20am PST) has a half dozen headlines on its page, which corrects bush, cheney, kerry & edwards, but mostly bush. not really a web site karl rove would want the veep to steer america.

ah the elderly trying to stay hip with their aol accounts.

keep logging on, mr. cheney. youve got mail!

see you at whitehouse.com 😉

maybe the blogfather was watching a different debate, and/or linking to people who, i dont know, drink a lot?

hopefully they were too tipsy to listen clearly when Edwards dropped the m-bomb: the fact that Cheney voted against the 1986 resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandella.

a knock-out blow,

indeed.

UPDATE: Indy has been uncharacteristicly silent this morning regarding last night’s debate. updating only his final post of last night to include links to republicans who have the nads to imply that although the vp and sen. edwards rubbed asscheeks together in the picture above at an event where cheney mentioned edwards by name that it does not mean that they actually met. it all, apparently, depends on what your definition of “met” means.

keep squirming, fellas.

jarvis live blogged + leah + last chance cafe

in the wake of getting his retarded ass kicked last week by sen. kerry in the debate, today the bush administration announced that the president will have a speech with the nation on wednesday to set the record straight.

which pretty much is a vote of no confidence in the vice president who is scheduled to debate sen. edwards in a few hours.

cheating? can a president abuse his power by holding a (you’d think) nationally broadcast “speech” (free commercial) to say all the things that he didnt say last week?

freaked to all shit? should a president with two more debates coming up freak out and resort to reading from a tellyprompty after it has become painfully obvious that he simply cannot think on his feet regardless of how much prepping he is given?

is this the october suprise? many have speculated that this october, if his back was against the wall, that bush would “find” osama bin ladin, revealing him in chains for all to see like a modern day king kong.

whatever it is, it’s lame, desperate and pathetic, says this blogger, but not at all unexpected from the always tricky republican party who never stops trying to win, and for that deserves a little credit.

WASHINGTON (AFP) – Concerned by a loss of momentum after his debate with John Kerry, US President George W. Bush has abruptly scheduled a major speech for Wednesday in hopes of halting the erosion of his lead in the polls.

In a rare, last-minute change in the presidential schedule, Bush has scrapped a planned talk on medical liability and instead will give what the White House called a “significant speech” about the two central issues of the campaign — the war on terrorism and the economy, The Washington Times reported Tuesday.

The president is said to be eager to rebut Kerry’s attacks on such issues, especially those that came during last Thursday’s presidential debate, according to The Times.

“There has been an attempt by the president’s opponent to launch false attacks and mislead the American people on these big priorities,” the paper quotes White House press secretary Scott McClellan as saying. “There are some big differences facing the American people, and the president wants to highlight those differences.”

another video showing the repubs staying on message + sk smith + sing it and they will come

hottest, bestest entertainment lawyer on the hemisphere. i might be ten thousand years old when my ship comes in, but when i do she will get her fifteen percent.

it never hurts to have a good friend as your lawyer.

several years ago the state of california claimed that i was somebodys babys daddy.

superhero kim set the record straight.

if i was a better friend i would have sent her flowers today, but i suck. instead all i got her was some floor seats to see wilco next month. which you can do when your beautiful attorney has esquiste taste in music. a rarity with women, im learning the hard way.

i took her advice the other day and began the experiment that ended yesterday.

she told me that there was need for a real entertainment blog.

i disagreed with her.

she insisted, telling me that as someone in the industry, she had a difficult time finding one blog in her busy schedule that she could click to throughout the day that would tell her what was happening in the world of entertainment.

although she can afford it, she said the variety web site was for the suits in the industry and rarely told her about the alternative world and the underground.

she said that even though she liked eonline, they had no frequently updated page dedicated to the everflowing news cycle.

and she clued me onto the fact that mtv was worthless as a reliable news source, and yahoo/reuters was rarely any good for breaking news.

so she told me to send an s.o.s to my readership to keep their eyes and ears open to news as it happened.

we had both noticed how fanatical fan-based websites and message boards always had the best news first. be it picutures from britney’s wedding or paparazi shots of celebs, the fan sites were always up-to-date and pretty much any star/show/film/genre had one or two very-well maintained sites chock-full of juicy news waiting to be mined.

the tricky part was finding a network of “readers” who would come back home with the links.

she asked me to try to experiment with my readership to have them bring home the bacon. she told me that i would know if i had succeeded if i could beat variety or eonline or yahoo or the others with a post.

late afternoon yesterday i posted three items after my late lunch. one was re-reporting the variety news blurb that chinese director john woo was going to make He-Man.

when, an hour later, eonline published their piece, i knew that my lawyer was right: a good blogger, even in the middle of a busy work-day, with help from his readers, can beat a huge site to a story.

neither of us thought that it could be done in the first day, with very little word-of-mouth, but i guess thats why she gets the big bucks and im still riding the bus.

happy birthday kim, youve done it again.

kim + kim + kims fridge

the brand new film(!) from my blog post

produced and directed by the unsomnambulist

ev williams, the creator of Blogger today stepped down as head honcho, he announced on his blog this evening.

dashing brainiac best known for announcing his company’s sale to google via a two word blog-post hyperlinked to an online newspaper column while speaking on a panel being broadcast over the blogosphere

apparently has had enough of corporate life after being cooped up in the stuffy google offices for the last year and eight months

with nothing to do but rule the world.

“Necessarily, I must express that it’s been an amazing, thrilling, life-changing, difficult, rewarding, surprising, and lucky ride I’ve been on,” the thirtysomething san franciscan posted on his popular blog evhead.

“And ‘life-changing’ is such an understatement,” he continued. “As I said on Blogger’s fifth birthday, for doing the ‘same thing’ for five years, it’s amazing how drastically my life has changed. Not just my life, but me. I’m just a simple farm boy from Nebraska, after all.”

a simple farm boy who some might now call

the most eligible unemployed bachelor in america.

and a headhunters dream.

ev revolutionized the internet by creating one of the web’s first killer aps.

not only was it free, easy to use, and instantly popular,

but it created a global community where the billionares, the homeless, and average people inbetween could all have an equal voice

regardless of what they had to say.

today the president of the web based software company responsible for you reading this explained why he stepped down in a 1250 word light-hearted upbeat friendly post titled “Next?”

under the headline of “Are you pissed at Google and/or are they removing you?” ev wrote the following:

People often want to imagine a conflict. And, I guess if you consider how often acquisitions go horribly, it’s not entirely unreasonable to assume. Unfortunately — I mean fortunately — I can’t help fuel any “Google acquires company, kicks out founder” headlines. Google management pretty much let my team and I retain control of Blogger since we got there. For better or for worse, they trusted that we knew what we were doing and attempted to support it without screwing it up. There are always new issues to deal with when you trade your old ones in. But, all in all, they’ve been awesome. And leaving was entirely my decision. They even offered that I could start something else within the company, if I wanted.

The reason I’m leaving probably comes down to personality more than anything. I’ve just always been stubbornly independent-minded — even when it wasn’t necessarily in my best interest. I hated school. I dropped out of college (never believing I needed a degree because I wasn’t going to work for anyone anyway). I started two or three companies (depending on what you call a “company”) before starting Pyra. (Let’s just call them “great learning experiences.”) I only ever had one real job, and it lasted just a few months, though it was at another cool company (O’Reilly).

When I started at Google, I knew I was giving up my independence and knew I probably wouldn’t like that eventually. So I promised myself I’d stay at least a year. I stayed for a year and eight months and have had a fun, fascinating, and extremely educational time. I’m honored to have been a part of Google for such a historic period.

If I was going to work for anyone, I’d work for Google. It’s, basically, just not in my nature.

in totally unrelated news, google was up today $2.48+, closing at $135.06

when i first heard the news not long after it was posted, i looked on my buddy list to see if there were any blogger insiders online

there was one who was about to post his feelings about ev’s announcement, which he said they knew was coming any day.

me: holy crap!

him: yep

me: dude!

him: it’s all good though

me: shit

me: when i was at a dot com, they said, there are builders and there are maintainers

me: i guess ev is a builder, for reals

him: for reals

Blogger has been Google’s most newsworthy company lately.

Last week’s cover of the ny times magazine of two gray haired old media writers looking over the shoulder of sassy ana marie cox as she types up her blog wonkette on a laptop was just as symbolic as literal. blogs have even the playing field even among pro journalists.

The Bloggers On The Bus was a feature story about the inclusion of bloggers at both of the major political conventions this summer.

on the same day on the west coast, the Los Angeles Times ran a long op-ed from a successful political blogger who warned of the soon-to-be “commercialized senility” of that circle’s blogs.

indeed, if the la times has begun to count the days until youve sold out,

you’ve made it.

and when you’ve made it

you’re finally free.

congratulations, ev.

continually showing us how it’s done.

h/t metafilter who later was the place where now-former competitor mark kraft of live journal wrote this nice post

Ev and I locked horns on more than one occasion during the time I oversaw the business/strategic end of LiveJournal. The most divisive time was when Blogger was nominated for a Webby Award back in 2001, and LJ — the upstart not-quite-ready-for-prime-time weblog app and choice of angsty teens — challenged Blogger as a write-in candidate.

We were smaller than Blogger, but got the People’s Choice award because of our community features which gave us an advantage on word-of-mouth. Ev and I met briefly at the Webbies. It was a big to-do in San Francisco’s opera house back then, with Sam Donaldson and Alan Cumming as emcees… but it was also the dying days of the dotcom exuberance. Dotcom kids dressed up, schmoozing, with comp’ed champaigne, because someone with a lot more money was willing to pay for it all. Larry and Sergei from Google came in for their award on roller skates and flapping cloaks.

There would be no grand opera house in the coming years, as the dotcom era dried up, and unfortunately there were few kind words shared at the time. So, yeah, there was a rivalry, and even some hard feelings… but only because we all cared about what we were doing.

That said, look at the results of competition. You can get a weblog/journal for free nowadays from dozens of different sources, with software that is easy to interface with, that you can interface with numerous third-party applications, with code which is either open or highly modifiable more often than not, and syndication which is standard.

What started out as a bunch of kids competing over meaningless baubles as a matter of pride turned into a growing, interconnected, user-friendly, generous marketplace of ideas.

So, in the end, no single weblog application won the war. We all did.

Nicely played, Ev. (We should all do it again someday!)

and if i might be able to add my two cents…

ev’s creation has given me the ability to reach thousands of people a day, and a few times ive reached millions.

through blogger i have met amazing people and received remarkable gifts.

as someone who once thought he didnt need a blog since he had a perfectly good website, let me say that FrontPage never got me laid.

and for that i have always been grateful of ev and his team.

a few of whom wrote a few things themselves.

or did she realize that he was no longer her one true thing?

either way white stripes frontman jack white and perky renée zellweger might still be down with love, just not with each other – or anyone else for that matter the actress told The Sun.

however if you see a flirty look from the bridget jones brunette in first class on your next united airlines flight, you might want to smile back.

“I’m just not interested (in anyone) at the moment,” zellweger told the british paper. “(But) you know, I’m always on a set or on a plane… we’ll see.”

+ + + +

Janet Leigh, the stunning blonde favorite of Hitchcock’s classic film “psycho” passed away in her Beverly Hills home yesterday.

Married four times, most famously to Tony Curtis. Mother of Kelly and Jamie Lee Curtis. Leigh was 77.

+ + + +

John Woo obviously getting tips from George Lucas regarding liscensing and merchandising royalties announced that he will be directing and producing the film He-Man, variety is reporting.

Woo who held such promise when he crossed over from directing chinese films to hollywood blockbusters with hits like broken arrow, hard target, face/off, and mission impossible II has officially decided to sell out, it appears.

earlier this year the director announced that he will be teaming up with The Rock to direct and produce a film based on the cheesy video game Spy Hunter.

h/t wes & beth

rolling stone has been little more than a newsletter for mtv when theyre not shilling the latest blockbuster movie or 90210 tv series.

but this week they went back to their roots of fucking up the program.

using the clout that theyve been blessed with they asked dozens of musicians about their problems with the current administration.

from their cover story come these quotes:

The polarization caused by this election is not good for anyone. I played “Pink Houses” at an Indianapolis Colts game recently, and people booed. This is in Indiana! I’ve never been booed there in my life. Kerry-Edwards offers us a fresh start. It is a ticket of hope.

During the Vietnam War, you couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing an image that made you sick. Guys with legs blown off, guys just lying there dead. It made our nation say, “Fuck this! Even if we win, we lose.” If the media showed that stuff now, people would have a whole different take on Iraq.

I’m afraid they’re going to reinstitute the draft. I have daughters who are nineteen, twenty-two and thirty. If Bush gets re-elected, those Mellencamps are all going to be in the Army. So might you. – John Mellencamp

Ralph Nader is the most arrogant and narcissistic guy I’ve ever met. I had a meeting with him in the early Nineties. I was jazzed going into the meeting, and I was disgusted leaving. I don’t think I’ve ever met a bigger asshole. If he hadn’t run in the last election, we wouldn’t be in Iraq and thousands of people wouldn’t have died needlessly. And still he’s well pleased to go in and be the spoiler again! – Bob Weir

The real axis of evil is Bush and Cheney. They have detached America from the rest of the planet by invading Iraq. Whenever people start saying God anointed them to do something, it’s a turnoff, because I don’t think anyone has God’s beeper number. – Chuck D.

I don’t understand the George Bush argument. If you wanna argue Republican or Democrat, that’s one thing, but Bush – I haven’t seen the argument as to why this guy should get four more years. I don’t see why he should be running a baseball team, let alone be president. At one of the Democratic debates, Al Sharpton said, “I can guarantee that any one of us on the stage right now in his sleep would make a better president than George Bush.” – Ad Rock

When people ask why this election is so close, I can’t explain it. It’s like trying to figure out how Billy Ray Cyrus sold 10 million records. The Republicans have done an extremely good job of appropriating populist themes. They somehow make it seem as though they’re a party of the people, even though their policies hurt some of their most ardent supporters.

Bush’s hypocrisy is simply staggering. He argues that stem-cell research is not justified because of the sanctity of unborn life – yet he insists that dropping bombs on innocent people will lead to a better world. – Jeff Tweedy

We are engaged in a war with fundamentalist Islam that we can’t win. But we have a president who has become a fundamentalist himself, and he thinks he can win it. The administration is fond of saying that the terrorists hate us because we’re free. That’s not true – they hate us because we support the House of Saud and Israel. Until we’re willing to talk about those two things, we’re going to be in big trouble. – Steve Earle

h/t random frost

little spanish eddie + zulieka has a new layout + aaron clemens

rude vile pigs didnt get him enough attention,

the real queen of england, elton john, while receiving a songwriting award today aimed his vitrol at the material girl who had been nominated for Best Live Act.

“Madonna, best fucking live act? Fuck off,” sir elton proclaimed.

cat fight anyone?

“Anyone who lip-synchs in public on stage when you pay 75 pounds ($134) to see them should be shot,” he said in London.

“Since when has lip-synching been live?” he asked. “That’s me off her fucking Christmas card list but do I give a toss? No.”

certainly to his approval, hot new band Muse won the award for Best Live Act beating out, Red Hot Chili Peppers, David Bowie, The Darkness, The Pixies, and maddy.

Madonna, who usually has the last laugh, through her spokeswoman got the last jab in saying that Elton has not lost favor in the perfomer’s eyes.

“Elton John remains on her Christmas card list whether he is nice … or naughty,” Liz Rosenberg said, adding that Mrs. Richie does not lip synch in concert. “Madonna does not lip-synch nor does she spend her time trashing other artists. She sang every note on her Reinvention tour live and is not ashamed that she was well paid for her hard work.”

opera dork + mad mathias + psynorm