saturdays are rough

cuz i really should rest my precious paws.

wouldnt want those who wish me increased carpal tunnel to get their twisted dreams realized.

because of that i will reprint a few reasons jim treacher will vote for kerry (or nader?) on tuesday

10 Reasons I’m Not Voting for You, Mr. George W. Bush

10. Do you really think it’s a good idea to be Hitler, George? Hitler killed millions of people and his approval ratings are for shit. Why can’t you be somebody who people like? Regis, maybe, or the Prophet Mohammed. Anybody but Hitler! Being Hitler = BAD IDEA.

9. Two words: You. Are. Dumb.

8. When Karl Rove used the remote-control device implanted in your upper back to force you to murder Iraqi babies and American soldiers for oil and/or no reason because Saddam was mean to your dad, plus what about the WMDs you lost after you lied about them even being there in the first place, and then Rove tried to make everybody think your Thanksgiving turkey wasn’t plastic by planting fake documents about your military service and forcing Dan Rather to say “Sorry, I guess” on national TV, did you really think we wouldn’t figure it out?

read the rest here

jim got a bunch of good responses in the comments including this from rich of sandesk:

Dear Jim:

I respond, point by point, thusly:

10. Bush is not like Hitler. The German people elected Hitler. We all know Bush was not elected. The German People LOVED Hitler. The German people HATE GW. Therefore GWB is NOT like Hitler, and on this point your argument fails.

9. He may be dumb, but he’s really, really cute. AND, I happen to like the way he pronounces “nukeelar”. You lose this point, too.

8. It wasn’t Rove, it was Cheney, dummy! After losing the first part of this one, you don’t get any points for the rest of the point in question either. Three down.

ken layne + matt welch + f 9/11 free for the taking + doc searls links a larger list of online vids

Osama bin Laden:

We found no difficulties in dealing with the Bush administration, because of the similarities of that administration and the regimes in our countries, half of which are run by the military and half of which are run by monarchs. And our experience is vast with them.

And those two kinds are full of arrogance and taking money illegally.

The resemblance started when [former President George H.W.] Bush, the father, visited the area, when some of our own were impressed by America and were hoping that the visits would affect and influence our countries.

Then, what happened was that he was impressed by the monarchies and the military regimes, and he was jealous of them staying in power for tens of years, embezzling the public money without any accountability. And he moved the tyranny and suppression of freedom to his own country, and they called it the Patriot Act, under the disguise of fighting terrorism. And Bush, the father, found it good to install his children as governors and leaders.

We agreed with the leader of the group, Mohammed Atta, to perform all attacks within 20 minutes before [President George W.] Bush and his administration were aware of what was going on. And we never knew that the commander-in-chief of the American armed forces would leave 50,000 of his people in the two towers to face those events by themselves when they were in the most urgent need of their leader.

He was more interested in listening to the child’s story about the goat rather than worry about what was happening to the towers. So, we had three times the time necessary to accomplish the events.

Your security is not in the hands of [Democratic presidential nominee John] Kerry or Bush or al Qaeda. Your security is in your own hands.

John Kerry: In response to this tape from Osama bin Laden, let me make it clear, crystal clear. As Americans, we are absolutely united in our determination to hunt down and destroy Osama bin Laden and the terrorists. They are barbarians. And I will stop at absolutely nothing to hunt down, capture or kill the terrorists wherever they are, whatever it takes. Period.

George W. Bush: Earlier today I was informed of the tape that is now being analyzed by America’s intelligence community. Let me make this very clear: Americans will not be intimidated or influenced by an enemy of our country. I’m sure Senator Kerry agrees with this. I also want to say to the American people that we’re at war with these terrorists and I am confident that we will prevail.

wait, is bush still saying that iraq has something to do with bin laden?


idebate pic via larry + umar has a texas fair photo essay + bunny mc photographed a local for suicide girls

we were getting shot at today

a saturday!

i hardly ever have to work saturdays and here i was on the wrong side of an assault rifle.

in my earpeice during some silence my partner whispered:

why dont you ever say how fucking fucked up this xbi shit is on your gayass fucking fucked up fucking baaaa-looooooooog.

and i thought about it and i just shrugged my shoulders and picked off a perp on the roof above a dumpster who


into the garbage,


cuz thats how everyone dies in real life.

on good days the lid closes after they fall as rattled doves scatter into the sky and the young girls swoon and continue walking to korean school.

yeah the xbi sucks. sucks so bad i thought to myself (while under a car, mind you) “when did work start blowing so much?”

then i thought, “im a college graduate!”

then i thought, “ive had a poem published in the connecticut poetry review!”

and then i heard what sounded like a molitof cocktail smash through the window of the car above me and i rolled out from under it and hightailed it like a pussyass.

turned out it was just a brick being thrown at me and i blew my cover.

(where do they get all these bricks?)

and now you know why we dont do saturdays.

mcdonalds was my first bad job. but it was also my first job so i didnt know at the time if it was mcdonalds that sucked or working.

believe it or not my next shitty job was selling ice cream out of a truck the summer the cubs put light up in wrigley field. the ladies were cute, the kids were cute, the money sucked, but thats not what made the job shitty, it was that i had to work 6 days a week and i was so exhausted with only one day off.

my year of driving a cab for the fbi wasnt much fun cuz it was so dull and all the russian cabbies were always trying to make me quit.

cabbing. not fbiing.

bad part about saturdays is you have to go to sleep early on friday.

good thing about saturdays is youre usually done before 9am, and afterwards we get some mcdonalds bacon egg and cheese biscuits and we’re home by 10am.

with a little spending cash for saturday night.

which i now have.

and a bruise the size of a melon on my ass when the car exploded and the passengers side mirror nailed me.

which i cant wait to show my truist when she picks me up tonight to see courtney love, juliette lewis and the licks, with the suicide girls at the wiltern.

and you know what else is nice about saturdays

ten thirty naps.

soulful spells + whitey + i aint scared to say it