snl you ignorant slut,

of course ashlee simpson cant sing. but you should be surprised that a girl who spells her name like that cant dance, cuz any strip club in america has an ashlee who knows how to dance.

the problem however isn’t jessicas sister, it’s you.

saturday night live used to be counterculture. it used to be punk rock. but it hasn’t been punk rock in decades and the other night night just put the last nail in your coffin. and good riddance i say. you are the establishment. you should do your lame open, show the cartoon, do weekend update, show the band, and get off the shitter. but you hate us. thats why you keep doing all this bad tv.

i know you hate us because you hired ashlee. thats not love. the highlight of most of the episodes of snl used to be the musical guests.

david bowie singing in a sarcophagus.

i remember the stones being on there, the dead, the replacements.

why don’t you take what happened saturday night as a hint that your show has jumped the shark. that you’re too old that you don’t care any more what is counterculture to america and the best way to realize that is by having jude law host and ashlee simpson “sing”.

one day i will be too old for the busblog and you know what i will do that day? shoot myself. right in the face. or i’ll od on a speedball at the chateau marmont. when jude law or ashlee simpson are guestblogging the busblog you know the terrorists have won, and yet on snl it’s just another show.

snl has always wasted its talent. even when they know they have great minds they ruin it all. tina fey is a friggin genius so why do i need that amy pohler ho sitting next to her on weekend update? one anchor is fine. bill murray did it alone, i believe. as did dennis miller, norm mcdonald, and even colin quinn (!). what are you saying when you replace fallon with pohler to sit next to fey and not be funny?

but back to the musical acts, you only have like 20 shows you have to do a year. just hire good people. stop with this fellatio of mtv.

tom waits was on letterman two weeks ago and killed. the video (scroll down just a little or click here) doesn’t capture the wonder of it all but trust me, even on his worst night tom waits could destroy ashlee fucking simpson.

waits was on snl in the 70s. why not now? not only is he only doing 7-8 shows to support this new record, but hes even better now than he was 25 years ago.

springsteen is rocking the vote everywhere with michael stipe. get them to come on your lame show. have them sing masters of war and then have them do master of puppets.

do i have to think of everything for you or can we just end this misery and you just hire me?

juliette lewis has a great band that would burn up on snl. so do the donnas. loretta lynn is gonna win a grammy next year, wheres her ass on your stage?

and excuse me but doesn’t britney spears have a new single? if the little whore cant dance, have her sit on a stool and sing her stupid song.

oh thats right she doesn’t sing her songs either.

the only person any good at lipsynching on snl was andy kaufman, and he did it tongue in cheek.

only thing in your cheek snl is the bone of mtv and it’s sad cuz you used to be better than this but you’re not, and its hurting america.

jarrett + zulieka + dancing + highlights from the rnc convention

have i ever told you i have the greatest friends?

i do. its monday im im just recovered from the party that two of my xloves arranged beautifully. i didnt really want a rager but i didnt want a few people looking at each other saying yep well. for some reason i always fear that no one will show up since i hardly ever go out to their bashes. but my friends are the best.

lots of great people showed up including a friend of john woo’s who could open a bottle of beer with anything. i saw him use a double a battery, a pair of sunglasses, a pitchfork, an empty bottle, a disposable razor, the kitchen sink, a butcher knife, a plastic bottle of perscription drugs, an ipod, a picture frame, and a cordless phone.

he only failed with the macaroni, and the hangnail.

there were many beautiful ladies present including one who took me aside and gave me a birthday card that said, “… remember that the busblog can do things that no other blog can do, and thats tapdance across all subjects from religion to poetry to baseball to orgies from politics to shopaholics to howard stern to punk rock…”

later, the original tenant of my apartment, shira, gave me a huge bottle of gin. huge. im thinking of drinking it while putting together blook ii for your ass.

i think bonnie and charlie gave me brian wilson’s smile but at that point i was pretty sloshed and am only listening to it now. but i love it!

mc brown made me a cd, got me the mean girls soundtrack and gave me a playstation 2 game. on the cd that he put together is a song called “titties and asses” by some hip hop guy thats so funny that chris stole it from me.

i also got some laker tickets. gracias.

i have so many bottles of wine now that now i need to have another party to get rid of it.

or i could just drink it and write to the cuban american girl who when she left everyone said, tony you fucked up on that one. you need to get her back.

saturday we drove up the coast to neptunes net in malibu. it was a perfect day. funny thing about neptunes net. for some reason they dont have real toilets. they have portapotties outside with this little shelter built around them. then you come out and you have to push the pump to get water to dribble out and work at the soap dispenser while realizing how many people with portapotty shit hands have put their fingers up that soap thing and failed at getting any soap too.

fortunately theres another sink inside the patio where everyones eating huge shrimp with their hands.

fresh jumbo shrimp and i do mean jumbo goes for $17 a pound. the guy scoops it into a steel bowl for ya, you hand over the money and another guy dumps it into a thing of boiling water. same goes if you point at the $20 a pound lobster or $18 a pound crab squirming around in the tanks of water.

we also got a pint of clam chowder because i cannot resist a bowl of clam chowder.

then you go into the antestore which has fried seafood, sodas and beers. because its sortof a biker hang out (although mostly a surfer place) neptunes net has some of the finest selections of 24 ounce tall boy cans of beers.

perfect for when youre about to drive back down the 27 miles of coastal highway of malibu.

ah neptunes net one of my favorite establishments in the world.

tyranny + dick shagwell + the deputy + anti