danielle and i talked on the phone tonight.

it was nice. shes a good girl. some people you just click with perfectly.

first time danielle and i talked was at the xbi. but you dont care about that. what do you care about.

two fuckers go into a bar.

ones named danielle ones named tony.

danielles the flower girl at the stand in the corner of the office building on wilshire in la.

tonys the undercover superhero fed up with saving a place that doesnt want to be saved.

they both just want to go to mexico with antis six foot bong and drink until they become distant memories in the footnotes of a failed experiment that some called the xbi.

i do cuz im old school and respectful.

i dont even want to tell you what the youngins call it.

danielle asked me when my birthday is and i told her and she said whats the hollywood bungalows address and i said its on the side of my blog. she said good. i said include some nude pics. she said i can do that. i said i was kidding, but she, im thinking, just may include some nude pics. how did that happen.

i dont get a lot of nude pics cuz of the blog any more, im noticing. i think thats because im writing about politics, although it might be a coincidence.

danielle usually doesnt read this far down in the entry so let me tell you something that she hates reading or talking about, hits. in a few days im going to pass a million pageviews for the second year in a row.

what makes me happy about doing it this year is this year i didnt really have one huge day. i had one day when atrios linked me and i got like 7,000 hits. when the ny times linked me i got 5,000 hits, but thats it. all year has been relatively steady from lots of blogs around the web.

theres a freedom when youre not betrothen to any one person for your readership. when you are free you can make more breakthroughs, grow faster, and stay fresher.

anna wants to get married. one of her friends is britney spears. all these girls who keep saying they want to be free run around getting married/not really married and you want to shake em and say i thought you wanted to be free.

but you cant shake em cuz theyre laced up to your bedpost

saying mmmmggghhhh mgggghhh mggghhhh

so you de-gag the one who speaks english and she says

are you tivoing the apprentice

and you kiss her, put the gag back on, check the tv in the big room

and come back ready


and ready to redefine spectacular.

spit circle + bukkake, kitty + george bush takes the global test

anna kournikova got me on the instant messager

kournikovatoday and we worked out our differences.

a while back i had written her an email which she said hurt her.

one that i had no intention of hurting her.

“well you did hurt me, and it hurt.” she said.

i always forget that i have a way with words. sometimes i have a bad way with words. i always forget that people look at my words much differently than i do.

i think im a bettern average writer, certainly not great, but lots of people feel like i have thrown lightening bolts at them when im riled up.

maybe some of you have the same self-esteem issues that i have about your writing. but the truth is i have a very hard time looking at it once its done.

i am trying to put together Blook II for your asses and its almost impossible.

not only is my computer set up at home so bad that its nearly crippling, but the misery of having to look back at all the crappy boring dullardly bullshitty bullshit that i type during my 15 minute work breaks in search of enough material for a 150 page book is definately not on my short list of things to do when i come home after a hard day in the helicopter.

but i made a promise to hit two home runs in the world series to a sick little boy named chokey and i fucking hate that.

murphys law, if i promise i will do something that takes even the slightest bit of effort i wont do it.

remember that How To Vote video that you all loved so? david asked me to write “anything” about voting, i said, sure i’ll have something by tomorrow. took me a week to get around to that.

what sort of fool am i.

i love writing. i love blogging. i love reading your blog, but i cant really read my own. its nuts.

maybe its because i know how these stories will end. maybe its because some of whats in here is true and truth sucks. maybe its because i look at these words and i dont see the talent that some of you see and when i get my confidence up enough to actually sit infront of businesses and websites and present my writing and my ideas to them they balk. every time.

ive pitched a blog for three web sites over these last two weeks. nobody said, tony we love your writing, we’ll take you as a writer, but we cant do a blog just yet. all they say is no.

which is good. its fine. i go back to the blog and type and expect nobody to fawn over me. i go back to outlook and write people emails like anna and dont think anything will happen.

and then i find out that when i write things it moves people in positive ways, and i find out certain things hurt others and i feel like the black guy in full metal jacket who cant even get pussy off the ho cuz hes too beaucoup,

and hes got to unzip to, for the first time in his life probably, prove that his magnificent specimen is pure alabama black snake but it ain’t too gd beaucoup.

danielle called me today from her beachside paradise of san diego telling me that she misses me and wants me to come down to see her and i said what if i mailed my camera down there and she said why dont you just rent a car and we can go to la fonda in baja mexico and i didnt say yes.

cuz im dumb.

so dumb.

which is why i think my words have no power

for if they did anna kournikova wouldnt be waiting tonight for enrique to come home from the go go

shed be waiting for tony to come home from the speckled streets of hollywood.

pax gitmo + isou + new gen films + kerry haters for kerry “he’ll do

who wants to lose to me

on yahoo fantasy hoops?

League ID#: 23370

League Name: busblog league

Password: bloggy

Draft Type: Live Draft

Draft Time: Sun Oct 24 10:45am PDT

im the commish.

i think i won last year.

i am determined to win again this year.

stupid dumbass trading will be vetoed.

this is the third year the busblog has hosted fantasy hoops.

probably the best fantasy league you’ll ever be part of since its competitive, and i win.

good luck.

after a day im still not sure how i feel

about howard stern being forced off FM radio and shunned to Sirus satelite radio.

on one hand it’s great for huge stern fans like myself. as an adult, i can handle swear words and the descriptions of sexual practices.

but what if im in a car that doesnt have sirius sat radio? no stern for me.

meanwhile, what sort of free country are we living in where a guy has to run away from the fcc to ensure that he isnt fined millions of dollars because of the loose lips of a guest or the slowness of a slacking engineer who is tardy hitting the “dump” button?

and why should the fcc be rid of their biggest enemy after they have not been held accountable in fining stern and not oprah for the same thing (a discussion of anal/oral sex).

not only have the fcc been given a free ride from the press and the government, but they havent even had to clearly define what is fineable and what isnt.

nor have they had to explain themselves for going backwards in time to fine stern, or their flip/flop regarding Bono’s exhuberant f-bomb at the golden globes.

to me its sad that under those circumstances a man who has prospered and remained popular over 20 years in radio must, in a sense, admit defeat and run for the hills, or in this case, space.

a bluer stern show though makes me wonder the future of his relationship with E! who currently broadcasts his tv show which is taped using segments from the radio program.

if i was stern i would consider moving off the cable station to and even lesser-restrictive HBO or Showtime so that both his radio and tv shows can be fully uncensored.

if i was Showtime, a channel that has completely been left in the dust by HBO, i would run Stern in its entirety, uncut and broadcast from 7p-11p each night.

but thats me, mr. vegas.

kate sullivan + new wave oake + sk smith

dear anna, im sorry

ive been so mean about enrigay. im sorry that ive wished him ill will. im sorry that i said that i hoped his plane crashed and that his luggage would get lost. im sorry i rubbed your ass real good as you were giving me a hug the other day. but your ass is sweet. and you know i love it. still, im sorry. i promise i wont do it again as long as youre with him.

it’ll be hard cuz we do have that magnetism. and you know we never had any real problems. i dont know why ive been so noncommital lately but i wasnt with ashley or clipper girl or her cousin or even miss montreal who i was going to ask to be my girlfriend memorial day weekend at big sur but she canceled the weekend. and even though i was eighty percent sad i was twenty percent relieved, and thats not cool.

im sorry what happened the other day. ive totally erased it from my head as youve advised. a double reverse-psychology seduction. ive never seen such a thing. now arent you glad i always have a lot of condoms?

anyway. im really sorry. i do want to be friends. its hard though. last night you looked good. my hands are just attracted to your hips. i want to lean into you and see whats going on. i cant help it. you russian voodooed my ass.

in the good book, maybe exodus, god hardens pharoahs heart so he can bust with some sweet plagues. first moses says let my people go and pharoah says fine then his heart gets hardened and right when theyre going to split hes all i change my mind. and then god rains frogs from the sky. its awesome.

well, you softened my heart.

and its fucked up now.

we had a good thing going and you left me for a pretty boy singer who face it isnt so great a singer. which hurts more.

i know i suck but enrique?

and you say things like he and i would be friends but no i wouldnt. if i even ran into him at the coin laundry if he said anything to me i would say in a million years you couldnt even touch her the way i can. and then id change his dryer settings to delicate when he wasnt looking.

ive never been possessive of any girl before. but to be honest right now i still dont recognize your union. its like a gay marriage to bush.

but im gonna try. not because i should. fuck should. i should be taller. the cubs should be in the playoffs. i should have a job where i could spend a few minutes blogging during work. my clothes should be better. my dick should be at least a foot longer. should.

in 2004 a girl Should be able to tell her new dude that she still wants to get it on with her xdude. id let you get it on with him. what do i care? enrique. have as much fucking enrique as you want.

but seriously im seriously sorry that ive been acting like such a douche. youve always been nothing but totally nice to me. always there for me. in fact whenever i was with you i always felt handsomer and smarter than i know i am. i dont know how you did that but you did.

im sorry i still want you. and will think about you tonight. and tomorrow. and the next time i get to dip my head next to yours and check out whats going on.

but i do promise to make a concerted effort to be better. cuz i can be better and i want to be better. and you only deserve the best.

yours in lust,


amy + cmonks + what the fukc