guest blogger: JK Johnson


i live in the middle of the bible belt. born and bred.

i popped out at the hospital located right next to the conservative college that i go to now.

a college where w stickers outnumber any other type of sticker on vehicles.

where when you ask pretty girls why they are voting for bush, it’s either because of abortion or gay rights or daddy told them too, and daddy would never lie to them.

they want suv’s and say what the hell are mp3s?

plez is the name. operation tennessee freedom is my game.

before i get off the bus: small world, isn’t it. i had a speech class this summer and the professor was originally from cali. he moved here in the eighties when his brother signed with the tennessee volunteers to play quarterback. many around here remember that quarterback’s nickname: “same ol’story” alatorre.

the class format was spectacular. our daily assignment was to interview one person in the class per day over twenty two days. we could not ask filler questions or the same question twice, meaning that excellent gems like “define god” or “have you ever
considered actually killing yourself?” were forced to come into play. one girl, a blonde super hottie from new york, told me about life in the apple. she hates it and is never going back. another girl from around here had just returned from china, hated it, and felt that all buddhists were going to hell—period—and that jesus would not tolerate their religion. most amazingly i met and became friends with an actual
chinese fellow who had just moved here from beijing. Talk about culture shock: this is one of the most boring towns in the planet and he had never been anywhere else besides smack dab in the middle of the heart of the communist order. he is one of the friendliest people i have ever met and I am now considering moving to china to teach conversational english.

he feels that our definition of communism is not the same as their definition of communism.

he openly disagrees with many of china’s past policies, but begs for me to realize that mistakes can be made on both sides of the ocean.

he says anyone can run for office and be in the government but no political parties besides communism, thanks. Oh, and they have to have money and know the right people. imagine that.

meeting people like this just isn’t common ‘round here. this is a back country—rarely do such opportunities come up. there are no excellent bars or clubs. the one bar that resembles an excellent bar or club is not somewhere you really want to go.

i got to express my views in my speeches as well. in one of them, my side was advocating human genetic cloning (stem cells stuff) a transcript of my closing argument:

i am amazed at how so many people feel that they know god’s exact intentions. rarely do some of these people ever stop and look at where they are or where they’re at. rarely do some of these people look at earth as god’s canvas or god’s promise.

yet consider with me for a moment if you will the possibility that god wanted us to create a heaven on Earth. science exists on earth because god put it here. science exists because god created it. As people, we have the possibility—the ability—to make the human experience—life itself—better, safer, longer, more secure, more loving—for ever individual person on this earth. some will say that we are trying to play god. i say to them, we are using what god has given us to use.

the jury was our classmates. our team lost.

dc + verbungle + nickerblog + sk smith

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