the beautiful dutch girl

just did this and im ripping her off

1. People always think I’m younger than I am.
2. Most people don’t think I’m black.
3. I am a full on homebody.
4. My day is not complete without apple juice.
5. I hate coffee.
6. I always wanted kids, but right now they seem like a pain in the butt.
7. If I ever moved out of the USA (fat chance) I’d live in Vancouver.
8. I don’t talk to my friends as much as I should.
9. I’m not always cold, but I could always be warmer.
10. There are full days where i don’t think of brilliant porno ideas.
11. I hate how much email I get.
12. I like how grape juice and Oreos makes my poop dark brown, almost black.
13. I try to eat as little red meat as possible.
14. Because I’m so lazy I love being bald.
15. I hold grudges better than anyone.
16. I can be one of the friendliest people you’ve ever met, I can also be the meanest cruelest wickedest evilest person ever, especially if you’re used to me being nice.
17. I pretty much hate any picture I’m in.
18. I love writing every day because I once had a teacher that said that noone can write well every day.
19. I’ve met a lot of wonderful amazing people, but no one as great as my mom.
20. Even though I have lots of other clothes in my closet, I mostly end up wearing shorts and a cubs shirt.
21. I hate the phone and cringe when it rings, but when it’s one of my friends or a writer for LAist I get very happy.
22. Forrest Green is my favorite crayon.
23. I have a rule about not mixing work and my private life, and I’ve done very well with that one so far.
24. I took saxophone lessons when I was growing up, but one day just lost my sax and now I can’t play anymore.
25. Even though I’m hairy, fat, and fugly, I like being naked.
26. I love having a fireplace.
27. I’ve only liked two cats my whole life.
28. Almost everything I buy ends up being a piece of crap, except my computers.
29. I had a foursome years before I ever had a threesome.
30. I love teaching, but trying to teach anyone how to do anything over the phone drives me crazy.
31. I love people so much as long as they’re not driving in front of me.
32. I think about quitting the busblog at least once a week.
33. This week of Hate reminded me that there is no better place where I can truly vent, experiment, and be creative than here.
34. My childhood was just about perfect.
35. I’m normally very peaceful, so hating for a week turned me into a total wreck, and now im a little sick, however, the creative juices flowed like rushing rapids.
36. Because of my insane life, movies usually bore the fuck outta me.
37. I want to be a college professor more than anything.
38. I thought I was honest, but I recently realized I don’t even tell my closest friends everything, except Chris.
39. I believe God wanted me to live in this apartment.
40. My life would be nothing without the web.
41. I’ve been writing in journals since I was in high school. I never cared who read anything I wrote. And rarely do I look back at what I wrote.
42. I hardly ever cry, but when I do it lasts about 1 second, maybe 2.
43. I miss doing lsd and shrooms.
44. Only suicide victims have lower self esteem than me.
45. Although I have been very low at times and have thought about self destruction, I am constantly thinking about Heaven, and you cant go to Heaven if you kill yrself.
46. My neighbors continually let their dogs shit on my front porch. I wish evil on all of them.
47. Although I can understand why my parents were married at the time, I wish they had lived in a time where it was ok to live together for a while before you had to get married and have kids. I realize that means that I probably would have never been born, but my mom deserved better.
48. I wanted to take a bath the other day but my tub grosses me out which is hard to do because im the grossest man alive.
49. I know I’m getting old because I watch a fraction of tv that I used to.
50. I used to be darker skinned and now even black people mistake me for white, something I really don’t like. But I can understand now what happened to michael jackson’s skin, and I believe him.
51. It disturbs me how easily I can just shut my heart off to some of my closest friends and end everything. Forever.
52. I think when girls dont match their bra and panties its super hot because it gives me the false belief that she wasnt gonna get naked but somehow i convinced her to.
53. I am the least-jealous person you’ve ever met.
54. If I was envious of anyone, it’s of people who can speak foreign languages, especially French, which I studied for years but my brain refuses to comprende.
55. Although I still can’t believe that any of the girls who have had sex with me went through with it, for some reason I think that any girl I hit on should say yes to me and I am stunned when they say no, but not so stunned when they laugh.
56. I’ve only kissed one black girl ever, which is weird because I like black people most of all.
57. Although I was a poetry major, rarely do i give a shit about music lyrics other than springsteen and dylan and acdc.
58. Before i take a shower i have to have great tunes ready to go on my boom box.
59. I’ve never used my oven in the 6 years that ive lived here.
60. Although I love Chris more than any girlfriend I’ve ever had, I try to block out the fact that shes in the poorest country in the world because it makes me feel bad that shes probably uncomfortable.
61. If i will tell you i will mail you something, i mean well, but you probably wont ever get it.
62. I don’t like finishing books because I always like to save a little something for a rainy day.
63. This week I had a series of rainy days and I just went on and did the same shit I do every day.
64. I hate clothes but maybe once a decade I should get new ones.
65. Even though I couldnt be more proud of the accomplishments that I’ve helped come true on LAist, it secretly bums me out that it was at the expense of the busblog.
66. Girls love to talk dirty with me on MSN and googlechat which confuses my schween and my mind and makes both of them think that every girl wants to talk dirty in the chat, which is so not true, trust me.
67. I love my car so much that I might get hubcaps for the back tires soon.
68. I think people are crazy when they say Ron Paul is crazy.
69. After having so many lousy bosses, I can’t believe how great my current bosses are. I thought that this level of mutual respect was impossible.
70. I don’t like sleeping, and I hate dreaming.
71. I once had a girlfriend who always wanted to be touched or held at all times, and I loved that.
72. My maid isnt very good but it would break both of our hearts if i stopped using her, plus I trust her.
73. I only have three pairs of shoes, house sandals, white sneakers, and black dress shoes.
74. I know that I have the best job for me possible, however I also know that one day very soon someone is going to offer me a lot of money to leave, and because I would like to own a house one day (why? who the fuck knows) I will sell out and take it. And later regret it.
75. People watching is one of my favorite hobbies.
76. I’m an excellent parallel parker.
77. I enjoy driving so much that if I was rich I would own a free taxi for the poor.
78. When I take a shower I like the water hot and I like to stand there and think, even though it’s bad for the environment. Sometimes I wish there was a chair in the shower so I could just sit there.
79. I love apple sauce but it sits in my fridge untouched for months.
80. I used to think I’d be the best dad ever, but now I think id be the worst because I have no idea what hurts peoples feelings and what doesnt.
81. I drive a foreign car. I had always driven american cars. My next car will be american even though this foreign job is the best car i ever had.
82. The first records I ever bought was The Cars first album, Meatloaf’s first album, and Steve Martin’s “Comedy is not Pretty”. I think the whole purchase cost me $20 which was two weeks allowance.
83. I think people who diss bloggers for being navel gazers are missing the point of blogging, with that said my navel is an innie and its usually a little dirty.
84. Before I smoked pot regularly I weighed 120 pounds because I could barely eat a half a slice of pizza without terrible stomach cramps. I’m 5’10”. No one can tell me that weed isn’t medicine.
85. The only time i couldnt get it up to have sex was once in the throws of E and i was with a totally beautiful half japanese girl who i had chased for so long and there she was tugging on it but it was x’ed out, like both of us were, so we just made out naked on the carpet.
86. I cant stand that this apartment is all hard wood flooring.
87. I really do work for the xbi.
88. xTx is my longest blog-friend and i hope we dont ever meet because if we like each other that will suck cuz shes married and if we dont like each other that will suck because i think her blog is the most underrated blog in the entire web.
89. I rarely eat anything before 2pm.
91. My first girlfriend was taller than me. Even though i still love her, i really dont like being shorter than gfs.
92. If i could relive my childhood, the only thing I would change is instead of being really good at soccer, I would have tried harder to be really good at hockey, which i think is the manliest sport ever.
94. I’m very happy i was not born a girl. i would dress like a slut and be a huge lesbo.
95. Time flies very fast for me, something i hate. Before I know it its noon, before i know it its 3pm before i know its 6pm. before i know it its 3am and i should be asleep. i wish it would slow down a tad.
96. I have very little confidence in my writing, except for a few rare examples, and i would love to go back to school to learn how to be better at it.
97. Very soon I will get rid of almost all of my things and write a book called everything must go.
98. I feel like there is so much in my head that would be useful to the world and it will never get out and it will die with me.
99. I dance great in the privacy of my home, and horribly when im around anyone.
100. Frys Electronics falsely accused me of sexual harrassment when i was a manufacturers rep, and later they found out that the woman had a pattern of lying about those things, and they never apologized to me but still i shop there all the time because their selection and prices cant be topped. Yet if a friend wrongs me in a certain way i will cut them off forever. I dont understand it either.