have i told you that i hate everything?

i do. i went into my bedroom the other day and just started throwing things out. magazines. clothes. old vcrs. old dvd players. boxes. everything.

everything is dirty. everything. everything is old and worthless. everything.

other day this guy whispered to me

can you help a brotha out with a dolla

and i whispered right in his ear

im gonna punch you so hard if you dont step.

xbi gave me the day off today and i dont even work there any more.

the panel went good. i got drunk last night. passed out on time. woke up on time. got to the place on time. emmanuelle was looking tres chic in this 70s dress.

afterwards we stood outside the conference and talked and people came up to us and said how good we were and asked questions and stuff.

i even got to talk for a good while with shepard fairey and friend of the busblog sean bonner, owner of the metroblogging empire. we talked about music and japan and art and technology.

all the things a normal person would enjoy.

i talked with missy suicide of the suicide girls who couldnt be nicer or more beautiful or smarter. but seriously so nice its amazing. she could be a candy store owner or a kindegarten teacher in a past life.

had lunch with the beautiful sloane of LAist, met the dude from thrillist, a woman from flavorpill, talked to a dude from chicago who lives a mile from wrigley.

i met two women from look look who said hi to me and i found out that sharon and dee dee either are pregnant or had babies.

all the nice things a normal person would want to hear and meet and savor

but all i wanted to do was go home. and for once i didnt want to work.

devil was on my laptop wacking off to ceiling cat and tubgirl.

somehow the entire day had come and gone and there it was 3pm and i had just started to open my gmail.

had i completely lost my mind was the question and oui was the only thing the devil would say to anything anyways especially while fouling my coffee table so i napped before i said the wrong things to people.

and when i woke i heard jeffery toobin who hates oj say that oj was probably set up and everything is very fishy and how can a guy with 4 felony convictions gets bail and yet oj gets no bail and might do life?

and all i kept thinking was i hate everything and everyone and especially the people who made very sure that paris hilton was never photographed in handcuffs despite the fact that she hurtled her car down the street – MY STREETS – drunk drugged and with her lights off – definately a danger to my neighborhood.

but the cops made a deal that if she turned herself in there would be no perp walk photo.

scooter libby was fucking convicted while being part of an act of treason during wartime and yet i saw no pictures of handcuffs on scooter libby being led to jail

yet all i see are pics of oj in handcuffs, strugging, limping, wincing.

and if your hate is the size of a mustard seed, mine could move mountains.

you all might want to take a few weeks off

from the busblog.

seems like the devil has made himself at home in the headquarters.
sux cuz thursday is my mothers birthday and i love her
but im really distracted with the devil sitting right here in my house with me.
fat and red and slimy and smelly.
i knew i was in trouble when i noticed the water from the tap tasted bad.
first thing i do in the morning is ask the girl in my bed to remind me of her name, and then i brush my teeth.
i look at myself in the mirror and say one of two things
how the fuck do you do it or
youre such a fucking loser i cant believe it
and i thank god for being alive
and i bend down and rinse out my mouth.
and the water usually is refreshing and cold and it erases the slate
and begins the day.
but when you start the day with evil in your mouth
and you turn around and you see the devil reading the paper
and people start saying the most ridiculous things to you
and you wonder

did i die again?

am in in hell again?

and all i thought was i cant go hell before i get my mom something for her birthday.

i always wanted a video editor on LAist

because as you get older you realize, yeah i could learn Everything
or i could just get lucky and hope that all of my friends know how to do everything
but the beauty of LAist is most of these people arent even my friends
theyre just really really really really really nice people
who are all smart, who are all so great
who just all pitch in, as if they were your best friends ever.

so i tried to give these tickets to this reader of LAist who comments sometimes
and when he does hes super nice. and he was all whoops i cant go
so i was all grrrrrr cuz i hate conducting contests cuz they eat up my time
and he was all sorry but hey if you ever need some video editing

and because im old, you could offer me lots of things, weed, blowjobs, ice cream
but probably the Greatest thing i could have been offered the other day
was video editing.
it was almost as if the man was reading my mind.

so i went to his house dropped off my dvds and above is the first thing he did
like an angel from above.

do you know why i know life isnt fair

cuz even the donnas had to form their own label. dropped by atlantic after “fall behind me” only made a few suits rich, the donnas are doing their own thing now, shunning their donna c, donna s., schtict and now using their real names, the donnas rocked the world famous viper room last night for their album release party of Bitchin’, which drops today.

all day i had said to myself, i hate life. i hate this person. i hate that thing. i hate everything.

i watched the cubs start to win and i said, i still hate everything.

i saw the cubs lose their lead and i was all, i fucking dont have enough middle fingers

i saw the cubs come back 6-4 in the bottom of the ninth to win and i said, ok that was awesome, and went to see the donnas

at the viper

sold out show.

met the beautiful ladies who run the monday nights there.

drank at the bar and someone gave me a free shot of jose cuervo

went up stairs and saw the randies play and fell in love with the lead guitarist because i love italian girls

my computer screen is flickering on and off theres a fly trying to bug me and its doing a good job.

i still dont have enough middle fingers because someone booked me for a panel that expects me in my seat at 8am