who doesnt love values?

ever think about your life and say, what happened to it? where did my lust of knowledge go? where did my undying love for mankind go? where did my enthusiasm to discover the unknown go?

ever come home, let the dog out, get the evening paper from the doorstep, and think “i just wanna take a nap”? but you dont mean nap. you mean a long walk except no one would cross your path on this walk. it would just be a stroll through a new suburb, too new for trees. too new for sidewalks. too new for anyone to know each other so you can pretend like you live at the end of the street. but you dont.

youre just napping. and walking.

with your newspaper. and pipe. and vneck sweater.

the double down makes you hallucinate. it makes you believe in aliens. it does something to your blood that makes you hyper inside and squirrelly outside. mine made me wanna punch someone. not in a mean way, in a loving way like *pow* you should take a bite outta this thing.

you have to pace yrself when you double down. cuz the grease can create an imbalance. not to mention the salt. the whole thing is delicious of course because of the “if it tastes good its bad for you” theorem, which gets supersized in this example and then poured all down your shirt.

when you eat your first double down you say, ok it would be nice to have some bread on this. then you say oh hi theres sauce in here. where did that come from?

then you say, omg cheese too? and finally, wait, Bacon?

its more than a party in your mouth, its a freakin disco dance with your neighbor flipping the lights on and off to the music: YES ITS STUPID BUT IF YOU GO WITH IT IS FUN FUN FUN!

kfc’s chicken somehow remains the star of the show despite all the distractions. the seven herbs and spices have seen fads come and go and hang in there during the doubling of downs. theres no doubt this is ridiculous but so were ice cream sundaes when Al Gore first introduced them. so was letting your kid sit on your lap and play air traffic controller that one day at work in the air traffic control room, so was Twitter. but we learned to embrace those oddities and now look at how much better our lives are.

the line for this treat was so long i had to get out of my beloved automobile and enter the establishment, and when i took it home, i unwrapped it, considered placing it on a plate, and sank my teeth into it.

my life has changed