(so far) in order

5. Iron Man 2
4. Inception
3. Toy Story 3
2. Exit Through the Gift Shop
1. Scott Pilgrim versus The World

i said, the hard things.

the impossible things.

the stuff people say no american wants to do

and people here illegally dont wanna do neither

i want to prove God exists

i wanna win the world series for the Cubs

and i want to convince people to start subscribing to newspapers again.

then i wanna save rock n roll.

and i like it better that way

i think my dreams know that too. and get sad.

so they sneak into my head in the day time when i can write em down on here.

or whisper em in the ears of blushing girls.

but last night i had a dream.

probably due to the fact that i radically changed my diet this week.

i dreampt i was in this plane that had six seats from the window to the aisle.

somehow i was on the aisle seat even though in real life i only sit next to the window.

and i sat there and i thought now what happens if i wanna fall asleep and while im asleep someone needs to take a leak.

which is an odd thing to think because i was already asleep.

next thing i know im walking through a baseball field.

in this crazy dream world when you change planes you have to walk through a major league baseball field.

i find myself standing in line in the bullpen. kids are asking players for their autographs.

one kid sees me and holds out a piece of paper.

i realize im wearing my typical cubs hat. and i see im in the cubs bullpen.

so i take the paper, find an empty spot on it

and sign it busblog.

for the second summer in a row i was blessed with the honor of boring high school kids about the ins and outs of online journalism, focusing on the blogs of the LA Times

a program called Newspapers2 gathers some of the most gifted youngsters of California and brings them to Cal State Long Beach for a week of learning about newspapers, digital technology, and omg blogging.

last year i spoke for an hour and this year they must have either liked me or someone bailed out because they gave me an hour an a half as i told stories about life as the blog editor, an overview of the blogosphere, and what we’ve been able to do at the Times in nearly 3 years of my tyrannical reign.

little did i know but three of the students were dutifully taking notes so that they could write a piece about my lecture. apparently the entire group is putting together a newspaper for the week, or a website, or a blog – i dont really know, because as you know i get ridiculously nervous when i have to rock the mic in front of large groups.

but as i advised the future of america, every week you should do stuff that makes you super nervous, that way when you find yourself in front of people like Bruce Willis, Hugh Hefner, or that hot chica across the dancefloor you can fake it real-good-like and get the job done.

when i was busy minding my own bees wax

first thing i saw were these guys who the security guard at the xbi swore were running our country.

America? i asked.

yessir, he said and i forgot my question because ive never gotten used to people calling me sir who werent bill collectors or beggars (same thing, i know, whatevs)

drove past these apartment buildings on the wesssside and wondered if the people in the complex on the right convinced their wives children and mistresses that the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence sidewalk.

this billboard had me speculating as to what exactly this new thing called “litigation insurance” meant. does it mean you buy insurance, and if someone say slips in your store and sues you – and you lose the case – and have to pay out a million bucks, then you go to the insurance company and they say oh ok dont sweat it We’ll pay the mil cuz you have insurance?

made me wonder if it was just cheaper to have the insurance and then hire a super inexpensive law firm and roll the dice.

then i cruised past Pinks. for some reason i cannot pass this 71-year-old hot dog stand without looking at how long the line is. typically it stretches around the corner and you hafta wait at least a half an hour.

as you see, only a dozen people were in line, so i pulled a totally unsafe and illegal u-turn and parked and got a turkey dog that i didnt even need, but it was impossible not to take advantage of rare occurrence.

interesting fact: pinks turkey dogs may have more girth and are slightly more healthy for you, but they do not feature the delightful Snap of the traditional pink’s dog. thus it fails. lesson: its a damn hot dog. get the one that tastes better over the one that is “better” for you.

then i saw all this trash that someone had politely placed IN A TREE

then i saw an old man wearing trousers walking his dogs and i wondered how old i needed to be before i get to wear trousers. and have little dogs.

then i found myself in Long Beach right in front of their crazy pyramid and i wondered why snoop dogg never had this on one of his album covers and/or why he never shot a music video in front of it. i mean no other part of LA has a freakin pyramid, but the LBC does – show it off nephew!

since its a weird place

im sure there are stings like this all over the nation, but when things happen in the 90210 people seem to look at it differently.

if theres one thing LAist loves as much as food trucks, earthquakes, and bicycle rights, it’s pedestrian rights.

or pickpocket me. either way she was looking at my palm

what is your best trait she asked.

once i cycled through all the sophomoric semi dirty comebacks i discovered a grain of truth

i dont whine.

in nine years on the busblog how many times have you heard me actually whine?

sure there will be complaints about this or that, hopefully those are either funny or intense. but whining? hardly ever.

thats not much different than in my real life.

just like you, theres lots of things that i could focus on that are annoying or stupid or downright bad. but i think the difference between whiners and busbloggers is if you can move on, move around the dumbness, or fix the issue.

im one who enjoys fixing the pothole instead of griping about it all day. theres too many positive things in life to obsess over.

like college babe pickpocketers with lipstick on their teeth.

to see da bears

and also to see danielle.

because youre sick of these pictures of food and i know you want another danielle photo shoot

and im sure you want a photo essay of bears fans in san dieger.

i saw the dumbest idea ever yesterday in regards to the internet.

which is saying something because over the years ive seen some dumb dumb stuff.

and i try to be careful with that word because deep down people are trying to do the right thing and be smart and be successful.

but clearly this idea was from someone who stinks at the internet

and instead of asking someone who doesnt stink at the internet, they were seriously about to impose the dumbest idea ever upon those who dont stink at the internet.

i write this not to feel superior to anyone or to make fun, but as a reminder

mostly to myself

that there are some things that im definately no expert at

and i should check myself before i force super stupid crap on people – some of whom may be geniuses in a field in which im an amateur.

other day i had an idea about something and someone disagreed.

so i went to some one super smart and he came over and gave his point of view. and i said ah.

and it was like both of them were waiting for me to fight them. and i said, why would i do that? you both had reasonable explanations, and i value your experience.

they looked at me like i was from some foreign planet.

little do they know.

the ladies of Jezebel are not at all amused that he twittered it, foursquared it, and had a buddy iPhone video it.

what i dont like is his pal could barely keep the stationary couple in frame.