but i have the lowest self esteem.

i know girls find confidence sexy, but ive never been mistaken for sexy, so i can live with trying to suffer through being honest as opposed to super dooper confident.

the first time i ever got to interview hugh hefner was a few days before halloween a few years ago.

i clammed up and felt horrible about it for weeks.

the whole time that little voice in my head said “see, told you you werent a reporter.”

i like being nervous – cuz it never happens. to me nervousness is feeling Something, and rarely do i feel anything. so when im nervous i feel alive. i feel like theres something at stake. and when a Person can do that to me, then it tells me “wow you really care about this person for some reason.”

but at the end of the day id rather feel like im good at my job. so today when we were driving to the mansion and my belly started acting up i thought

omg maybe eating an in n out cheeseburger wasnt such a great idea.

but mind over matter, blogger, get over it, dont clam up this time, have your notes memorized, have your gameplan ready, trust in baby Jesus, and bring everything that inspires you (punk rock, trust, honest communication, and the principal that the job of a reporter is to go somewhere no one else can get to easily and ask the cool people the interesting questions that everyone else wants to know).

right before it went down there was loudness and craziness in the room. everyone was talking to me. i wasnt able to really focus up, but thats where the preparation comes in. and when all of a sudden there was the legend, i was ready to rock.

then before we knew it it was over and omg what a sigh of relief.

and confidence rushed over me.

a new sensation, indeed.

have a great weekend friends. if not for all of you i wouldnt be here.

and yes, i sported the cubbies hat during the whole deal, cuz at this point i will give them good vibes any way i can.

because life is bizarre, somehow ive been invited to go to the playboy mansion and talk with hef.

he is 84 today.

im headed there now. i interview the legend at 1:30pm

but you can follow my every move on Twitter, which will include lots of pics from in and around the mansion.

wish me luck!

gotta say he stills got it.

beck. the second coming. the golden child. the new bob dylan.

its been a long time since i got excited about a new beck album and it met my expectations. but man, these record club experiments, now this is good.

last week mr hanson released a second inxs cover and its slowed down and stretched out and reimagined and in this bloggers case, rediscovered.

check out becks brassy vocal tone and sultry background singers.

every layer lingers long enough for us to soak them in and actually omg think about what we are listening to.

and what we are hearing is the protagonist telling his audience that hes gonna take them somewhere new.

when was the last time youve had a new sensation?

no like a new one.

really new.

i sure as hell want one. and bro is talking about experiencing one

right now.

not sure if this cover reached that guarantee but it got a lot closer than my mans most recent efforts.

and its nice to know hes seriously still trying.

but first lets notice how easy i can annoy people, while stealing their souls.

that guy up there is undercoffler. on foursquare hes the mayor of the LA Times.

he used to work for arianna huffington and now look at him, hes one of the tireless producers of our homepage at latimes.com

hes from mass, just broke his leg doing something lame, and always has good smelling food

this is jevon. libra. entertainment web producer. film buff. comic book guy.

tea drinker. style icon. usc trojan.

and yes ladies, hes single.

youre going to be seeing a lot more of jevon this summer on this b, so prepare.

as big of an apple fanboy as i am, i too am skeptical about the actual usefulness of such a device.

i love my iphone, i love my macbook pro. so why do i need an ipad?

games? i have a wii, a ps3, a psp, and a macbook. so why do i need an ipad?

books? i have books. i dont travel an hour to work on a train, i dont fly across country once a month. and ps i dont read many books.

it has a pretty screen? everything has a pretty screen these days. you can get 32″ lcd tvs for $500 that have pretty screens.

i think people are buying it because of the feel.

it feels like the future.

if they sold it like “have the future… today… for $500” then maybe id be curious. but they’re pretending like this is the present.

there needs to be a killer app. of course.

super nintendo didnt attract any attention till it got super mario bros.

making hamburgers in your kitchen wasnt interesting till george foreman got involved.

likewise the ipad needs something that can take full advantage of whatever its magic possesses till the masses, like me, will be willing to shell over the hundreds of dollars plus $30 a month for 3G, that we eventually will free ourselves from.

until then i’ll just tool around the culdesac on my seqway and wonder whatever happened to virtual reality.

and im thinking that johnny keeps it real and id like to keep it real but i fail and fail

and i think about all the fails ive been responsible for

and all the fails ive seen on tv, mostly by the Cubs this week.

and then i see David Letterman on tv trying to do his monologue with no voice cuz he has a cold.

fail.

and i think about kids. all these people want me to get married and have kids.

and for the most part the people have been right about most of the things theyve advised me on throughout my life.

and i was the jerk who was all, sushi? gross! (for decades)

but they were also the ones who said what are you doing dating 19 yr olds, but you know what, those girls taught me lots too.

and then i think of secret blogs, and secret lives, and undercover helicopters, and

secret powers.

of love.

and i think why would i want a little baby to have to muddle through all of whatever all of this is, on the daily.

when i get off work i think two things: i should eat healthy. and i want kfc.

and i think about my day and the weird things i dealt with and i think, i deserve kfc.

and i think, who wants to live to 80?

only way i wanna live to 80 is if there was a book called “look what we did after 80”

and inside the book was stories about people who had a three way kiss for the first time after 80, people who drove without seatbelts while speeding over 100 mph after 80 for the first time

while texting

and people who busted some sweet ass poetry about being over 80.

seems to me that you’re playing not to lose after 80, and ugh to that sorta game.

we are alive people. magically. being alive makes no sense. it defies logic.

walking around on two feet, let alone running, is completely illogically nonsensical magic.

forget jumbo jets.

so here we are cartwheeling in a world of magic and the dumbest thing we do

is play not to lose.

the saddest thing we do is act conservatively.

life is but a cabaret old chum

dont be dumb.

our pal danielle has been unemployed for a while and its super hard on her

but she keeps it real, especially in her blog where she lets all her emotions out.

today she got this very interesting anonymous comment. pretty much not at all what i was expecting.

Been unemployed for 18 months. Didn’t qualify for unemployment. Finally got a job with Disney making $7.35 per hour to replace $52k. Took Jag back to dealership. Losing house. (Feeling better yet?) Oh, did I mention I have my Ph.d.? Two kids and a wife? My walk with God keeps me going. Hopefully, I can get a second job as a security guard. Today is my son’s 16 birthday. Hoping we can survive Orlando until he graduates in two years. Hang in there. Many are hurting right now and those who aren’t are worried sick that they soon will be.

just another reminder at how tough the times are right now.

i miss you

know why im happy today?

1. its 82 degrees
2. im employed
3. you are here reading my blog
4. i have my health
5. cuz the Cubs are gonna win their first game of the season today

and cuz my mommy loves me

tell me why youre happy