im still on the super cali fragile istic sexy under cover like a mofo but i had to slip into this korean internet cafe to tell you a little about whats going through my mind right now.

there was a girl who i liked in highschool who was so cool. she had red hair and freckles and a big smile and was point guard for the girls basketball team and played volleyball and soccer and i really had a massive crush on her and i know that if i had gone for it my entire life would have changed maybe for the better.

i bring this up because one of the girls whose lives we are trying to save reminds me a lot of her.

now my girl was loved by the geeks, dweebs, losers, preps, jocks, sleezeballs, and burnouts alike because she had girlnextdoor looks – not too crazy, but everything in the right place – and emily post manners. she was sweet to everyone even me who loved to go one-on-one with her before practice in the good gym.

both point guards i would talk so much trash as she dribbled on me.

“red headed stepchild, girl at that, not even a woman. know why theres no pro women’s basketball teams? cuz even little boys could beat their … whoa.”

and she would drive right past me, lay up the ball, catch it when it got through the net, do three push ups and hand me the ball.

kicked my ass royally each and every time.

made me fall in love.

our senior year it looked like she had a pretty good chance to make it to the homecoming court. now i was a pretty popular guy myself so i figured that i probably could have gotten said yes to by her, but i never asked her, and just this afternoon i realized why i didn’t go for it.

she was too popular!

everyone loved her and everyone fell in love with her and i just didn’t want to be another guy who would wander the halls with her on my thoughts. even back then i was all uptight about being original or different or whatever it was that i didn’t really allow myself to just like the girl who i really liked.

the kids in school woulda called me retarded had they known.

so whats the lesson?

aint no lesson.

we all make mistakes, we all go through life alone, if i had asked her and fallen in love for all i know i woulda married her and stayed in hangover park, illinois across the street from my mom and my sister and i wouldn’t be chasing the bad guys down wilshire blvd on a hot afternoon in los angeles, like im about to.

nor would i be writing to you.

my favorite thing to do.

ok, i just had some of the best pound cake and even though i dont have to go, i should go, cuz if we end up sitting in that car for longer than i expect and i hafta poop my partner is gonna say, “i thought you took care of that on your break.”

and i’ll have to explain that i was busy reminiscing about the homecoming girl who got away.

ta!

p.s. tell me who’s gonna win this american idol thing, justin or kelly, thanks!

maniacal xbi double doings going on today. so this will be the only post of the day.

and i know i sound like the traveling salesman newlywed telling his dear wife that he really has to drive up to rhode island for this one big sales pitch, but i swear that i do. i promise that im not cheating on you. i promise that im not really holed up in some dingy Super 8 with a “dancer” named cheyenne who has a dragon tattoo from the back of her neck down her spine around her ass and down the back of her left leg, whose kisses are serpentine, whose nails dig and cut and slice, whose unsatiable appetite has turned her latest victim into a broken shell of a man only to be awaken with fresh squeezed apple juice as brown as her tan.

it sucks that my palm pilot is broken and i cant update from the road.

IT swears that they cant help me. it would have been nice if they had emailed me this morning to let me know. it would have been nice if i hadn’t had to SOS their boss first, it would have been nice if they would have accepted some of the unlicensed software that i could get my hands on in a matter of minutes, but no, life isn’t fair. it never has been.

today is my friend Charlie’s birthday.

charlie (pictured next to his latest sculpture “maui dream”) has had a long and storied career. he was editor & chief of the daily nexus, he was editor of Prognosis, he was teamed up with Layne on Tabloid, he was my roommate on haight street for a little while.

charlie lived in the purple house and now moved across the 2 into a property that will soon be the coolest bed and breakfast in all of echo park.

he has an incredible girlfriend and together they made one of the finest holiday dinners ive ever gorged on.

what else? he reads a lot, writes a lot. lived in texas for a while for no good reason. doesn’t have a blog for no good reason. hasn’t had to go into an office to earn his keep, which is a huge accomplishment, if youre scoring at home, and if youre scoring at home please use protection.

anyhow, today chuck turns 44. my doesn’t time fly. i don’t know if ive ever seen charlie naked, but i think ive seen him topless and i know why bonnie has stayed with him for so long.

because they love each other a lot.

so happy birthday charlie hornberger, friend who appeared on Rescue 911 and after they showed the clip of him stage diving off a 100 foot tree onto the swarming frisco new years eve union square crowd stunned host william shatner forcing him to quip, “fucking a man!”

fucking a, indeed,

man.

last day of the holiday weekend. i have made some strides towards this proposal.

bought a new chair at best buy with chris. $75, very comfortable, but it has armwrests which i think was what i really needed the most.

the camera exchange was a lie. i felt pretty upset because i have spent an inordinate amount of time on the salesfloors of consumer electronics stores and the man flat out told me that if anything went wrong they would exchange it for a new one (a practice they do for cell phones, printers, walkmans’s etc.) if i bought the extended warranty. turns out it was a service warranty. they agreed that it took blurry pictures and stupid me i left the cam at the store for them to repair it, forgetting that im going on vacation in three weeks, and rarely are items repaired and returned in 21 days.

the hitman thinks i should drum up a collection for a new camera. he has a pretty good arguement. he says everyone likes the photo essays and people would like to see more of them.

id feel weird asking for something like that when there are people like kat who has kids and cant even pay her electric bill. shouldnt your generosity go to someone more deserving, or are you solely interested in seeing clearer pictures of tinseltown and all the gorgeous ladies who cross my path?

i know my job isnt to save the world. there was a time i thought that was my role.

now im starting to see that it is to show you this little corner of the world: which is hot as hell today, let me tell you.

so i put together the chair, i fixed the keyboard platform, and i wasted much of the day watching both ends of the cubs/brewers double header. right now the second game is nearly over, its the cubs 17-3 so i think they’ll be okay.

meanwhile there are three cameras that i am interested in. all under $500. one super tiny for ultra stealthy sneaky pics, which im sure you all like. so heres how i can do this and feel okay about it. heres a paypal link for a camera fund. i will put a tally on the left hand side, but no thermometer. it feels very weird to ask for things with people who are unemployed not being able to raise fundages, but on the other hand, the readers of this blog should be allowed to donate for things that they will be the direct beneficiaries of.

im very confused.

if i get enough for any of the three cameras a few days before the vacation, i will go and buy the new camera.

maybe there are 25 guys who feel like flowing $25. maybe theres someone who wants to make it totally easy and just pluck one off my amazon wishlist.

i’ll link the sites who give $25 or more.

why not.

but now i must adjourn to the proposal that will change the world.