to protest the war

i will not blog about the war.

to protest the war, i will post pictures of models in bikinis and lingerie like never before.

to protest the war, i will be twice as nice to my friends.

to protest the war, i will write at least four entries a day, starting tomorrow.

to protest the war, i will update my main page ( more often.

to protest the war, i will eat more vegetables.

to protest the war, i will read the Bible every day.

to protest the war, i will never vote Republican again, unless they legalize weed.

to protest the war, i will start linking people who dont even know who i am.

to protest the war, i will drink more.

to protest the war, i will download one cd a day and burn it for my mom.

to protest the war, i will tell more of the truth about my life in here. actually, no i wont.

to protest the war, i wont be as funny as i could be.

to protest the war, i will do more photo essays.

to protest the war, i will not lie on my taxes.

to protest the war, i will kiss more pretty girls.

to protest the war, i will dress beter.

to protest the war, i will drink even more rum.

to protest the war, i will say more snide things about the stupid people in the world, especially those who lead the world.

to protest the war i will end this abruptly.

yes i have baseball fever.

im not ashamed.

im excited to see the youngsters like karim garcia, aubrey huff, danys baez, and cub rookie carlos zambrano.

im chomping at the bit to see the likes of the japanese import hideki matsui who is expected to bat in the 3-, 4-, or 5-hole in the bronx bombers lineup. never played a lick of major league ball and he might hit clean up in his rookie year.

i cant wait to see if ishii can have another hot start.

im betting chan ho will have a great comeback.

im also betting that if i talk too much baseball in here i will bore you all, so lets talk about what is getting me out of the house today.

very little can pry me from my couch, but tonight i will drink free rum sponsored by bacardi at a fancy hotel in beverly hills with my dear pal karisa thanks to a generous offer from emmanuelle and cathy seipp.

mmmm free rum.

last night i wasnt even going to have to leave the house to spend some quality time with a super cool girl, who proved her super coolness by giving me a raincheck so i could continue my quest of boring myself to death during this vacation.

the goal is to have so much fun by doing absolutely nothing, that by the time monday rolls around, i will be looking forward to waking up at the crack of dawn to climb back into chopper one to take on the dirtiest job in tinsel town: patrolling the mean streets of hollywood by air.

the purpose of tonight’s shindig is a pre-Oscar party.

pre-Oscar parties in hollywood are everywhere here, but this one will probably be the best one since the rum will be free.

did i mention free?

raymi wrote me an email today and my heart fluttered. im so in lust with that girl.

if i was a nineteen year old topless canadian girl, i would be just like her.

is there anything wrong with her?

sadly, no.

i might have been hallucinating, but i was under the impression that she was going to come to la on her way to mexico to buy prescription drugs and marry me. what happened with that plan?

i need to take a shower now and prepare to get drunk in front of some of the most powerful and well dressed of southern california’s press corps.

today my toughest decision will be in a few minutes when i chose a cd to play to crank in the bathroom.

will it be The Donna’s Turn 21?

Jon Spencer Now I Got Worry?

Weezer’s Green Album?

or the Best of the Boredoms?

If only I could find my Killdozer mix cd.

emmanuelle + saddam photoshop contest

woke up at ten thirty with a cheerleader with laryngitis.

last night it was cute cuz i kept on trying to make her talk.

oh shit, where are the bandaids!

shed point and croak out something and we’d laugh.

this girl loves wilco so we were listening to that all night.

she hadn’t seen the hours so i started it over and watched it again, all the way through this time.

turned out i had watched all but 15 minutes of it before i stopped it the other night.

we drank wine and when wilco was over she pulled out an anthology of tennyson and pointed, so i read outloud to her.

he knew what he was doing, that guy

that’s all i gotta say.

the kids write in all the time with questions of all sorts

find a good kisser, kids.

in baseball they say you have to build from the middle: catcher, shortstop, second baseman, center fielder.

they also talk about the fundamentals.

quality kissing can make up for an awful lot

if given the choice between going out with a girl who has no money but a magical kiss, and a filthy rich girl who couldn’t kiss, i would say that the choice is easy.

the cheerleader whispered that she would spend the night with the rich girl and run home in the morning and kiss the poor girl.

and then we played grand theft auto two

she tried to distract me with an impromptu fashion show, a tactic that wouldn’t have been allowed under international play because on many levels it really is cheating. especially since it works every damn time.

alabama whoorley + megastir