my arch enemy at work

has slowly started getting interested in the blogger revolution.

he’s so competitive against me it’s crazy.

he’s never been very interested in writing, or journalism, or expressing his feelings, but i think he likes the idea that i make up most of the stuff that i write in here and for the most part i get away with it.

what i think he feels is totally liberating is the fact that i dont even think twice about spell checking, grammar checking, proofreading, or even looking twice at what i write before i hit Post.

he calls me the laziest writer he’s ever sat next to.

i try to explain to him that we only have two government-mandated 15 minute breaks, and that barely gives me enough time to find the pictures to go next to whatever i want to write down, and he puts his hand up makes the world’s tiniest violin movement with his thumb and forefinger and looks back down at his keyboard and tells me im lazy.

i cant wait till he starts his blog.

today he asked me if i have ever been on the Blogs of Note on and i had to tell him no.

he asked me why i havent ever been listed on there and i told him it was probably because i use four-letter words sometimes.

then he clicked around some of the more recent Blogs of Note and asked me why Dave Barry, who barely writes anything, and who is brand damn new got to be a Blog of Note and i told him i didnt know and didnt care.

then i told him i couldnt care less about Dave Barry or his weak blog and he looked up from what i was doing and stared at me like i had just uttered some sort of blasphemy.

all i want to do is fight crime.

all i want to do is do my job and go home and write to you.

then i want to watch a little tv, do my curls, get a good night’s sleep, and go back to work and give it my all.

sometimes i wonder if people know how hard i work and how much i care about what i do.

flying chopper one isnt as easy as i make it look, and writing a majority of this blog in under 15 minutes a pop takes concentration and clarity that i really dont have.

the fact that i even get ten readers a day, never mind 100 times that baffles me more than anything and im sure one day it will all come crashing down, and you know what i will do when that happens? nothing. not a damn thing. i will keep on plugging away because im in this thing for the long haul.

or until someone says, we see so much potential in what you can do, heres a bag full of moolah and a hearty handshake, quit your blog and write one for us.

and if you cant dream in cyberspace, my friends, where can you dream?

matt + emmanuelle + katie sierra

as you know, nothing in here is true.

and as you also know, anna kournikova and i are best of friends.

not lovers, not ex lovers, not neighbors, not co-workers, just really super friends.

so when the news came out the other day that she had been secretly married to that famous russian hockey player, old whatshisname, i wasnt surprised in the slightest. for years that was a secret that she and i shared. and he shared it too.

im really good at keeping secrets.

especially if i have good motivation to do so.

anna and i motivate each other in different ways. anna loves being mentioned on the busblog and put into photo essays on the web site, and basically given any attention whatsoever on these web pages. so if theres something that i would like for her to do, or something that she needs to get done, i will offer to put her picture on here as a reward, and if she does something incredibly spectacular, i will give her a photo essay.

most of the time if she wants to motivate me into doing something she will either offer to cook me a nice meal, flow me some concert tickets so i can impress a special someone, and sometimes she even offers to give me a kiss.

she used to offer to give me money, but money doesnt usually get me to do stuff. but nice kisses do. psycho, i know, but whatever works.

the other night anna wanted me to catch a bus over to west hollywood because she was terrified after seeing a screener copy of the Ring.

it was sunday, there were two all-new simpson’s scheduled to be on. plus anna nicole, plus michael essany. so i said no.

then she offered to make me a nice meal.

still i said no.

then she said she’d kiss me for three minutes straight.

after about a minute i couldnt take much more and i had to have her stop or i was gonna fall over.

so last night she reminded me that i had two minutes in the bank and she was willing to offer me three more if i did something that she knew i was super scared to do, and this morning i did it.

so ha!

37. Kat


the subway stopped at Vermont + Beverly

and the conductor said there were some technical difficulties ahead of us and it wouldnt be a very long delay, which means there will be a very long delay.

pretty much the only thing that can go wrong on a subway line is either the train in front of us is stuck, or the swtiching systems are malfunctioning. at 8:30am either one of these things means for you to get the hell out of the train and up to the surface where you can catch a bus.

the 754 vermont express arrived and i saw a bus half filled with people with ashes on their foreheads and i thought to myself, ah, it’s ash wednesday. hi ash wednesday.

even though i was raised Catholic i still have no idea what the ashes and Jesus are all supposed to mean, but i do remember that ash wednesday means that it’s the first day of Lent and you’re supposed to give up something for 40 days and 40 nights.

when i was a kid i used to give up stuff like M&Ms and watching Benny Hill at night.

this year i was thinking about giving up being a dumbass, but i’ll never make it 40 nights of that.

so this year i will give up smoking.

i dont smoke all that much, just a little when i drink, or if im stressed out, or if a bunch of people around me are.

still, it’s a bad habit and i think it would be good for me to see if i can pull it off for the next month. sometimes it’s good to keep your hobbies in check from turning into habits.

i also see ash wednesday as being something that people could start doing that they havent done in a while. and i can think of two things that i would like to do for the next 40 days.

i would like to do 100 curls every other day for the next 40 days. and i would like to run a total of 6 miles a week. currently im running 0 miles a week and doing maybe 50 curls a week.

teengirl the other day was feeling up my arms and saying that im way more buff in person than i am in my blog but i think she was just trying to butter me up. she even had me flex. it was funny.

i would also like to read a page from the Bible every day for 40 days.

lets see if i can keep these goals.

but the real question is, what are you giving up for Lent?

stiff drinks