hi. my name is tony.

i always get a little freaked out when i know guests will be browsing the blog. theres some heavy duty movers and shakers who will be checking it out this week so i will do my best to put a nice sheen on everything here.

so lets talk about glasses. kristin from madpony wants to know if she looks better in glasses or without glasses.

strangely clippergirl wants to know the same thing.

personally, i don’t know if theres anything sexier than a smart girl, and for some reason the right glasses screams smarts.

for some reason boots are very sexy too. i don’t know why.

you know what else i like? barrettes. chokers. nice perfume. funny pins.

notebooks with my name scribbled on it thousands of times.

i like it when girls write notes to themselves on the palms of their hands.

bracelets with interesting charms are nice.

i also like holes in the knees of clothes. holes in stockings are nice too.

and lip gloss.

bless you all for your lipgloss.

and accents are great too. even the fake boston ones.

kitty bukakke

God did i watch a lot of tv this weekend

my computer, it turned out revolted against me.

i was planning on doing a super sarcastic pro-war photo essay which i thought would just be the funniest damn thing in the world and my computer full on said no way, jose, on my ass leaving me with nothing but my 35″ mitsubishi and a tivo full of shows i hadnt gotten around to.

crazy how much time i have in my life when my computer is taken away from me. scary crazy.

i watched and thoroughly enjoyed “Dogtown and the Z-Boys” via a free weekend on Starz. my old girfriend Chris came over and we had Thai and watched It Happened One Night, finally.

i actually picked up the phone when it rang and rang this weekend and talked to a bunch of people i hadnt talked to in a long time.

hopefully you people know that i love you and im not ignoring you.

i went into my computer nook and figured that i could answer some emails with all my free time. i figured that because im a dumbass.

you have no idea how many emails i get. it’s wonderful, but i only get around to answering about 8% of them. not even my mom gets a reply to many of her emails and i love her the most of any person on the planet. so please dont feel shunned if i dont write you back. its nothing personal.

youd think with all that email i would have had a virus sooner than just this weekend, but early on i switched over to Web-based email through yahoo, which i totally recommend to you all.

this morning on the bus it was warm. people werent as asleep as they normally are. maybe it was because the trains and the busses were late, but i definatley didnt need my fleece shirt or my flannel. still it was nice to have them there just incase a snowstorm hit LA when i wasnt looking.

as i left the house this morning my neighbor in her turbo saab nearly hit me.

that woulda been nice.

she was driving her stick shift while holding a mug of coffee while trying to dial her cell phone.

none of that looks attractive.

but now that my hair is growing out, i would have made an adorable corpse.

katie is good

Subj: Re:fullyautomatic

Date: 94-05-27 16:49:00 EDT

From: Jenni677

To: GauchoTony

deer boy,

what makes you think i would let you?

i have an incredible will power, on that sometimes forces me to trade my pleasure for the pain of an another.

i would bite your nose and you say ouch andi would giggle.

please do remember that the girl jenni is often very aggressive because passivity is not my strong suit and for further notice, do not weave tales of seduction to me because i am much too hormonal these days. really i am.

its a very bad scene and p.s., i dig fucked up music like the bee gees- jive talking rocks. and i have an openmind.

are you going to the big apple or what? its pretty spiffy.

i wish i had gotten it on with some city boy. but alas i intimidate.

and i don’t wear jeans that often.

you need to devise another scheme.

and i would drive andid pull over and strangle the life out of you and put you in the trunk. really, you should be more careful with whom you select to be intimate with.

we psychopaths come in all shapes and sizes.

even the pretty blond stoking ones.

i want you and you don’t even know who i am,


you’ve never heard me call anyone a slut, have you?

ever? no. i don’t do that.

i admire people who have interesting lives.

some of the people who write me have interesting lives. and some of these people are very young. some might say too young to have such interesting lives.

and i do my best not to judge.

some of these people are hot young ladies. and some of them write in to tell me that they want to make sensual love to me.

and sometimes i even believe them.

one thing that fascinates me about the young people today is they seem to have no clue whatsoever about how diseases are spread, nor do they care to comprehend it when you tell them.

i used to worry about overpopulation in america, but not any more.

these young kids with their bad music are content with fucking each other without condoms, spreading nasty shit, and all die off.

all of them.

a friend of mine was telling me about the porn industry.

im not cool enough to know anything about the porn industry, so i have to rely on “friends.”

this friend was telling me that in the history of adult films, only a handful of straight porn stars since the ’70s have died of sexually transmitted diseases. part of it is due to the fact that they are regularly tested.

some of these young girls make me want to cry.

everything in the world going for them.

if i ever have daughters im going to buy a gun.

and when they get into high school im going to show them my gun, and im going to walk them to the attic, and there we will put the gun in a box.

and i will tell them that if they ever have sex without a condom, they should towel off, have the young man drop them off at home, climb the stairs to the attic, open the box and take out the gun, and shoot me right in the head.

and then shoot me in the belly so i bleed.

but i always try to look at the bright side of life.

traffic will go down.

where i grew up in illinois, we lived out in the farms.

it took us 45 minutes to get to downtown chicago.

right now it takes chris 45 minutes to get from santa monica to hollywood.

you know how ridiculous that is?

you know what the kids should be reckless with?

not their pussies.

they should be reckless with their hair dos.

and their musical tastes.

they should write poems better than their parents.

they should wear obnoxious clothes

they should be reckless with their html

and their thoughts on the written word, on how to learn, how to teach.

but a hot young body is a terrible thing to waste.

guys will wear condoms.

make them.