which is a helluva question because the only reason i was staying true to blogger was cuz i felt that Ev deserved the loyalty until he got rich.

and if he isnt on his way to getting rich after getting gobbled by google, then i certainly cant help him.

ive enjoyed my time with blogger. it’s a good system that allowed me to talk to all of you, and for that im grateful. and it has certainly given me what ive paid for.

there are parts of moveable type that i think i will like better.

as you know from my homepage (tonypierce.com), i dont rely on blogger for hosting. my man os supplies that wonderfully.

speaking of which, he and i have been deluged with requests for people who want tonypierce.com email addresses.

why do you people want those things?

madpony@tonypierce.com

anna@tonypierce.com

iwastecompanytime@tonypierce.com

me and os figured it out that if people are serious about these things that they can email me at stokeme@tonypierce.com and this is what you need to write in your note:

1. the email address that all the @tonypierce.com mail wil get forwarded to.

2. the prefix that you would like to request.

3. your full name.

what will happen is we will send you a PayPal invoice for $6.66 which will give you that email address for one full year. you can change where that @tonypierce.com address will get forwarded to once for free.

all proceeds — all proceeds will go to my man Os who has hosted this three-ring circus even before it existed, which is a tough trick, let me tell you.

back to Blogger. this blog is serious business. when my left-hand column is unable to be updated the way it is today, people write me mean(ish) emails. i need software that doesnt have these sorts of bugs. or i need to be a fulltime employee of bloggergoogle blogging while traveling the world.

or i need to move over to moveable type.

we’re through the looking glass, people.

i went to sleep at three am last night and i feel like a damn king this morning.

thank you, nasty girl, who left me the best email this morning.

layne + welch + owens + weekend box office charts in full on detail

i had all these messages. ignored em. turned on e!, they were having the golden hanger awards.

i dont care what any of you say, i like joan rivers. shes a classic.

made a pot of rice. i have this little pot. heats up the rice fast. im not cooking for eight.

saturday i george formaned six chicken breasts, and ive been eating them like crazy. i put the rice in a bowl, then a hunk of chicken on top, microwave it for two minutes.

heat up some peas.

eat, repeat, eat, repeat.

ive been eating like a damn pig.

got ten bucks from bunsen today. i was a little nervous cuz there was no flow for a week.

didnt help that i hadnt talked about it for a week.

you know this thing is going to work, dont you.

47. bunsen

i think i have rounded down the choices to a mini cooper or a saturn.

ive had ridiculously good luck in saturns.

anyhow, to celebrate the flow from my man bunsen, heres another picture of meesh.

she just told me the greatest story.

her story.

i have heard some pretty interesting tales from some truly interesting women, good people.

strange and beautiful stories, my friends.

starring hot girls and the men… and women… who lusted them.

after i ate my chicken and rice i got on the instant messenger and this young girl. legal, but obscenely young.

she said things to me, even after seeing my picture.

i sent her two just incase.

big ones.

she sent me some pictures of herself and typed the most perfect pleas.

it took everything to resist stealing a car and driving all night.

i was distracted by lisa marie presley being interviewed by howard stern.

are all the women in the world perfect today?

howard: [regarding michael jackson first kissing her] did he tounge you?

lisa marie: did he do what?

howard: did he give you the tounge?

lisa marie: will you… stop it?

howard: yes.

lisa marie: thank you. {pause} i married the m-f, so…

howard: did he spank you?

lisa marie: no.

howard: did nicolas cage spank you?

lisa marie: i dont want to talk about it.

howard.: he did. i knew it. i would tie you up and spank you.

lisa marie: really?

howard. yeah.

lisa marie: good.

howard: absolutely.

lisa marie: good.

howard: you wouldnt even know what hit you. right, robin?

robin: thats right. but can you even tell us… were you sexually satisfied by michael jackson?

lisa marie: um, you know… uh… see…

howard: the answer is either yes or no.

lisa maire: the answer would be, would i have married someone that i wasnt.

saturn + mini cooper

and cold and wet and miserable, im not sure this day could be any better for me.

i got a comment from my long lost pal Meesh (scantilly pictured) who has updated her site with news from her winter wonderland. apparently shes not in the best moods. and she thinks she looks fat in one of her pictures.

oh meesh.

you dont look fat.

do you have any idea how many times a week i have to tell super hot babes that they dont look fat?

if i had a french kiss for each time i had to convince a total knockout that she was, indeed, a total knockout, i would probably have dual US/French citizenship by now.

anyways, meesh, you have my phone number, call me, i promise i will pick up this time. use the 666 number. or the cell phone. whatever. i miss you. im happy youre alive.

be my roommate.

marry me.

bear my babies.

divorce me and sue me for alimony.

reconsile with me after a year or two separation.

break my heart and make it better.

hit me with a flower.

do it every hour.

none of her pictures do her any justice.

meesh is one of these women who float down from Heaven and walk with us, all the time pretending to be one of us, but theyre not fooling anyone.

who do you think youre fooling?

some of these women will drink with you, or toss pills in your mouth, or just smoke to appear mortal but even their bad sides are good.

karisa is like this, and she doesnt fool anyone either.

chris fools the fools, and even fooled me for about a week.

meesh is phat.

i like that.

i miss her. i want her to move back to her daddys house and invite me up to drink homemade tom kha kai soup.

this time i promise i wont say no.

meeshness

so of course the subway had hour-long delays.

because somehow rain affects the trains a mile below the dirty boulevard.

a good writer would make a perfect segue into the fact that Anger Management was the weekend box office winner with a whopping $44.5 million. the second-biggest opening by far this year.

the good people at Variety have amazing charts for things like this and this one illustrates how amazing this weekend’s feat was. the sandler/nicholsen comedy outdid the action adventure blockbuster Daredevil which pulled in $45 million on valentines day with help from its stars Ben Affleck and that chick from Alias.

number three this year was Bringing Down the House at $31 million, followed by How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days which had a $23.8 million opening weekend.

even though Jack co-stars in Anger Management it’s really an Adam Sandler film, and this weekend was a personal best for both stars. Variety reports that Sandler opened with $41 million with Big Daddy, and Jack hit big with Batman at $42.7 million on its opening weekend.

strange thing is, even though these are two of my favorite actors, i have no desire to see this movie.

it looks stupid.

stupid as a subway being shut down cuz of a few inches la winter rain.

alecia + oish + zak + no use for virtue

for a pulitzer.

sux.

woke up with clippergirl next to me this morning. she was playing with what little hair i have.

you have the longest eyelashes for a boy she told me.

i mumbled something about carrottop and rolled over.

she said no no no its early lets seize the day, lets maul the morning.

i swear to you she said maul the morning.

please tony please lets actually do something today. ive been good.

she had been good. so i told her that we could do anything that she wanted today.

she asked anything?

i worried for a second and said, sure, why not. anything.

a full eight minutes later she kissed me on the cheek and asked me what i wanted to do today.

i told her that i wanted to go to hollywood park but it was closed.

she said, what about santa anita?

i said, i thought you didnt want to rack up miles on your miata.

she said, fuck the miata, lets go to the races!

went to the track. im a mess at the track cuz all i want to do is drink and swear. and take pictures.

clippergirl says ive been annoying with my new camera lately taking pictures of every damn thing, so she asked if we gave the camera a day off. i told her it was palm sunday and how great would it be to take pictures of palm trees today.

she told me how great it would be to just enjoy the day, like adults, holding hands, drinking white wine, watching the horses with the san gabriel mountains in the background.

i reminded her that she was a cheerleader and put on my gwar shirt and gave the finger to adulthood.

clippergirl persuaded me to put on a different shirt and we went to the track.

we lost all our gambling money after the third race. im not a good bettor. fortunately our drinking money wasnt even close to being tapped.

when i was right at the point of either being too drunk to drive or just buzzed enough to deal with being at the races without betting, she started asking me questions that i only hear when she is one wine past drunk.

do you love me tony?

of course i do.

who do you love the most?

my mom.

who do you love love the most?

chris.

still?

shes only gotten better with age.

who do you love the least?

probably anna kournikova.

why would you say that?

i only love her for the material.

on a scale of one to ten, how much do you love me?

i brought my right hand to my nose, looked up into the blue sky, sniffed and said, eight and a half.

and i’d be lying if i didnt tell you that it was a quiet ride back home in that miata.

dan the goose + the fat guy + the buzz machine

have made womens tennis totally boring.

and yet the brotha named tiger has made

golf

magically watchable

even on television.

my man had to chip out of the fucking sand yesterday in hopes to par the 18th so as to make the cut to even play today.

chipped it, parred it, hes still in the Masters.

so after starting this morning in 43rd place, motherfucker tucks himself to sleep tonight in

fifth place

after completely making a joke out of all the finest players in golf

on the most famously racist and sexist course.

the marines at the agency always want to bring up nicklaus and palmer and to piss them off i tell them that theyre so lucky that they didnt have to play tiger.

then i tell them about stockton and malone, which is what arnie and jack would have been if tiger was a hundred years older.

my kids will never ask me about the mailman.

some asswipe will get lucky with the pickandroll in 2020 and pretend like he invented it, but we’ll know better.

its raining tonight in hollywood and im thinking about guys who never won shit, and guys who always found a way to win, and its good to think about both of them.

i dont care that im not making a lot right now.

scottie pippen didnt make a lot until his 6th world championship.

what if to get your ideal job you had to take a 25% cut in your already ridiculously low salary?

and i am crazy enough to do something like that.

start from the bottom, at my age.

but at least this time it’s the bottom of something i totally love.

tiger was 40 feet away from the hole

tapped it right of the cup

it had to go up a hill a little

made it up okay

then it had to curve over to the left hard while going slightly downhill

about twelve feet away

curved left

hard

rolled downhill

and slowly so very slowly

found its way into the bottom of the hole.

that sixty six moved him up thirty eight spots

and now hes only four shots from the lead

for your sunday afternoon asses.

[update: never mind]

jason sutter + jason shellon +kottke

i think it would be funny to see Ass in huge red letters as you drove down a street. i admire people who can take something people buy every day and turn it into a huge chain.

like how the guy from Blockbuster made Blockbuster. and how Dominos Pizza just one day was everywhere. people seriously stopped going to their local, folksy, funky pizza palors and stores and started renting at Blockbuster and buying books at Barnes and Noble.

i think the man or woman who figures out how to launch the first adult video rental store chain deserves the buttload of money that they will receive.

and i think it would be awesome if they called the place Ass.

i would also like to have a club called Prom.

once a month there’d be a prom. tuxedos, dresses, punch, limos, eighties music.

i know i’d like to do prom over again.

it wouldnt really be a great place for a first date, but it would be a perfect place to go once you were starting to get serious with someone.

hey, would you like to go to prom with me?

omg, are you serious?

why, yes.

yes! yes i will!

then a bunch of her friends would want to go, so then youd get some of your buddies. rent a limo. everyone gets some.

tony gets paid.

if i had a book store id call it The Springfield Book Depository.

unlike most book stores i’d have a whole wall of Charles Bukowski books. it would be the ultimate place for bukowski stuff.

there would be a poetry reading room in the back, but i wouldnt ever go, i dont like poetry readings.

thered be a tiny record store upstairs full of out of print bootlegs, and posters.

if i had a liquor store i’d call it No Smokes

cuz cigarettes will kill you.

bettie girl + anti + ginacide

i know you asked me not to use this picture, but i dont care. im mad at you.

you werent supposed to fall in lust with jake gillenhall you were supposed to fall in lust with me.

where the hell is jake gillenhalls blog?

kristin, i cant get that white stripes bass line out of my head so i put on low rider but even that doesnt help.

why does a caged bird sing?

anyhow, baby, thanks for calling me last night. im sorry i didnt pick up, i was pooped. after work the fellas took me out for happy hour which turns into haaaaappy hours which turns into me wondering if i had actually tivoed survivor which of course i didnt but thankfully the cheerleader had used her key and tivoed it for me, the second half, cuz she still doesnt even really know how that thing works.

all night i thought of you.

took the bus home at ten o’clock pm which is fun cuz its so different than normal. strangely it was still crowded.

some guy had a hot pizza. everyone was looking at him with dirty looks. i think he worked at the pizza place.

this homeless guy was singing Bingo. the one about the dog. he was so happy. and bingo was his name-o.

b-i

n-g-o

people wanted to hate this bum because he was talking about how people change when they get rich. how when you get rich everyone wants to be your friend. how when he will get rich he will keep it real and how he will give to the poor.

then he started talking about the devil.

devil dont want you to give to the poor.

devil wants you to point at the poor and talk mean about him.

it shut everyone up.

i had a few things to say about the devil but i dont talk on the bus. i also dont talk in the fantasy draft live chat.

anyway, kristin, i miss you, i wish we could do something this weekend. maybe i can do laundry at your house since karisa is in maui for her pre-bikini season tan.

lemme know, k?

antonio

rabbit + azrock + mind in motion