it was raymi’s birthday on tuesday!

how could i have forgotten!

im in love with raymi, and im about a hundred percent sure she wouldnt like me.

i doubt first of all that she would like my music. hardly anyone does.

chris says she does but chris tells the prettiest lies.

and i dont think i could keep up with her. i saw her chat live on the internet and she could barely keep still, imagine how riled up she’d get if she saw me without my shirt on. she’d rip me to shreds.

im a sensitive poet. i cant be being ripped to shreds. by a candadian. girl.

i still get carpal tunnel, raymi the minx would fuck my shit up.

anyhow, i lust her. from afar. im glad shes around.

i like that she sorta rambles in her writings. i like that she has like 89 blogs. im glad shes a foreigner. im glad that if she ever did come to la she would probably let me take like a zillion naked pictures of her and then we’d see what this damn camera can do.

ive said it before and its still true, theres nothing i dont like about raymi.

and i think shes even sexier now that shes twenty.

a. beam is back

lot of people are sick at the agency

which is scary cuz of that asian disease.

the killer flu one.

this one guy sneezed today and i said SARS which is funny, but wrong.

we were talking about geraldo rivera and some guy walking by real fast, total hurry, had plenty of time to chime in with a juicy ass fuck geraldo.

this dude was wearing a turtleneck.

super hot chick from where i used to work makes tshirts now, and how sweet would it be to bust with the fuck geraldo tshirt when youre walking to the liquor store.

fuck bush, fuck the yankees, fuck terrorists, fuck sluts, fuck bud selig, fuck ticketmaster, fuck your hanging chads, fuck blood for oil, fuck the busblog.

it could be a whole line.

black shirts, white letters. easy.

nothing in here is true, right?

yeah, i buy cds all the time.

i think sixteen ninety nine for a cd is a reasonable price.

the white stripes came out with a new cd yesterday. one that they claim to have made for $15,000, which is a ridiculously low price. maybe even impossible.

since the first thousand people who buy the cd pay it off, i wanted to be part of that.

the last cd i actually bought was norah jones for my mom at Christmas.

tom waits was playing on the cd player of this record store.

there was a sealed Eazy Duz It above the register. vinyl. vinyl all over the place.

fuck vinyl

just kidding. i saw an ac/dc flat above the window and i pointed to it and asked for one, he went into the back, got one and charged me two bucks.

no problem. you know how hard it must be to be an independent record store these days?

picked up vice magazine. free. now i dont feel bad about the twenty bucks im spending. buying records is like a vote, anyhow. i elect the white stripes. i elect weezer. i elect tsar.

i did something so incredibly stupid today and so then i bought an overpriced cd, and then paid money for something promotional.

rode the bus to the subway

these four black kids were being loud and teenaged and quasi gangsta and brushed up against my magazine more than a few times to see what id do.

im undercover motherfuckers

train came after a long time, saw a total loser guy with the hottest chick ive ever seen on the subway. latino, arms crossed, long jeans, heels poking out the boot cut, bitchiest eyes, and bro was all up close to her and she would just look past him, and up.

forgot about my boys till i got to sunset and on the elevator.

me, two of em, chinese lady. a group of other people were about twenty feet away and if i was the lady i woulda kept the door open so the numbers would be more in her favor, but she let the doors shut and we rode up from below slowly.

big guy says u-g-k underground killaz, he was looking at the graffiti on the ceiling of the elevator.

his buddy scanned the ceiling and nodded

they discussed how that crew lost their influence in a suprising defeat not too long ago, and the big one took out his pick and slid it through the back of his afro

and i keyed in on his adams apple

just in case i needed a target

bettie girl + reverse cowgirl + cleve blog

i wish i could tell you everything.

sometimes i do have an interesting life. sometimes it’s downright fascinating.

unfortunately some of it is off limits for purposes of this blog.


mostly sucks because lots of it is right on the forefront of my mind and theres no better place to work out such issues than in a forum like this with wonderful people like you. and instead of saying things like two cheerleaders called me last night as i was making jiffy pop with a third… im forced to say things like, what the fuck are the red sox thinking trying to “improve” fenway by sticking rows of seats atop the green monster?

and here we are in america. home of the brave.

land of the free.


two cheerleaders called me last night as i was making jiffy pop with a third.

giggling. bar noise in the background.

i tried to talk softly cuz my date was flipping channels on the tivo.

what?! they yelled on their end of the line. huey lewis was playing on their jukebox.

huey lewis?

hip to be square i think. they wanted to know if they could come over because they locked their keys in their car as they were barhopping and i was two subway stops away.

cheerleader logic. instead of using the phone to call AAA or a tow truck they called me because when they thought of this particular seedy bar they thought of me. things could be worse.

what worried me was they had done about three cosmos too many and they shouldnta been about to go driving at all, so i told them to get a cab home and then call the tow truck in the morning. they said they wanted to come and sober up at my place.

i looked at my leather couch and my guest for the evening and i wondered what toby mcguire would do.

that didnt help so i thought about what jack nicholson would do. i put down the phone and asked my guest if she was interested in having two of her squadmates come over.

she hesitated and said, okay? and took a sip from her wine glass.

you know what ladies, lets do this another night, i told them, thinking id probably never have this opportunity ever again. three cheerleadres. two drunk, one getting there. clean apartment, stocked fridge, three full cans of ready whip.

they understood and hung up with a thank you, even though there was nothing to thank me for.

got back into the living room and my guest was putting on her little faux fur jacket.

she looked at me, applied her red lipstick and gave me the dirtiest stare. threw her tube of mac back into her coach and said that next time i would be better off not answering the phone.

sped off in her miata.

and i stood there with the front door still not closed because when she slammed it it hit the swinging chain lock and bounced back open with the sickest bang.


Libra Horoscope for week of April 3, 2003

Your idealism is one of your greatest assets, but it can also be a liability. Driven to seek beauty and harmony, you sometimes become blind to the messy truth. That’s why I was so pleased to get the following oracle when I consulted the ancient Chinese book of divination, the I Ching, on your behalf: “It is only when you have the courage to face things exactly as they are, without any self-deception or illusion, that a light will develop out of events by which the path to success may be recognized.” I interpret this to mean that you are about to temporarily suspend your idealism in order to see the messy truth, which will in turn lead you to an opportunity to practice your idealism on a higher level.

Rob Brezney

i really wanted to write this morning.

i wanted to write about a lot of things, like clipper girl’s friend who came over last night to sleep with me.

just sleep sleep not sexy sleep.

i wanted to write about how sometimes thats nice but sometimes its torture cuz i havent had a beautiful love making session in like weeks and its killing me.

i wanted to write also, maybe most importantly about an incredibly interesting debate that i had with several smart people about why it is that we in our blogs dont link to pay sites like which is totally full of great information, and has a free trial period.

some of my friends were saying that we link to other sites that charge money like Amazon or cdnow, or nay. And probably the best example is when people link to Salon.

Salon might be a little different because all you have to do to read a particular article which might be the article of the moment (because Rabbit wrote it), all you have to do is click one ad and watch it for thirty seconds.

But I argued that a lot of times if i get to the Washington Post and they even ask for my birthday that i wont read the article because fuck the Washington Post for wanting to know my birthday.

Chris says she just lies when they ask, but i dont feel comfortable lying.

Anyhow, i would like you all to do me a favor, one of the few favors that I will ask from you before the Tsar cd comes out this fall. Do me a favor and sign up for the free trial on because i would like to talk about some of the information in there and i wouldnt want you to be frustrated when i wrote about it.

Also, if you have a blog, let me know in the comments here: do you link to pay sites? would you? should you?

i am seriously interested in your feedback in this matter.

now it’s time for me to make a sandwich for my lunch.


alecia did london

and she came back with a sweet photo essay.

cubs didnt lose today.

because it was april fools i made up this great story that was somewhat believable and wrote it in an email and sent it to karisa.

she didnt write back all day.

then i wrote her back to see if she was super disappointed in me.

she wrote back and said she wasnt disappointed but for me not to write her back for the rest of the day because she would be “busy”.

then i wrote her back and said april fools.

and she said that i sucked, cuz i got her good.

so then tonight chris called me and i was telling her the story, and chris was believing the story before i could tell her that it was an april fools story, so i kept telling it.

and at one point i told it so well that chris choked on her sushi.

and then i said

april fools.

and she laughed and called me a bastard.

theres a twenty year old marine reservist who now wants to claim that he is a conscientious objector.

im a pacifist but if anyone has to fight in the war, it ought to be that dude, for being an idiot.

i went to bed early, i hope mike tyson on jimmy kimmel got tivoed.

before i did, heres a poem. people sometimes write in and ask me if i have written any good new poems. the answer is no. so heres an old one with a new picture. i changed the title and one line to make it more politically correct.

the consonation is lost, but i feel better with it.

tina + bunnie