karisa called me last night at 2am.

i was passed out. she said she wanted to bring over one of her friends. they had been drinking and i guess the bars closed. but she didnt sound drunk.

i got to the phone just as she was hanging up. my caller id caught her number but i didnt recognize it and for some reason i was really tired even though i had just given myself a sweet, hour nap.

musta been all the sex i had during the week.

so i stood there next to the machine and listened to her say that she wanted to come over with her friend and that she was only a few blocks away.

god i was sleepy. who was this friend? was it prince william? was it fred durst? was it paris hilton? with karisa it truly could be anyone. you know how cats bring back dead birds and mice, karisa only rolls with the a-list.

but i had no beers, not really any rum, and only two bottles of absinthe.

i had failed in my bachelor bob list of Shit To Have About The Pad on a Three-Day Weekend.

case of corona: chilled

bottle of rum

bottle of tequilla

bottle of whiskey

bottle of baileys

two bottles of vodka

bottle of jager

microwave pop corn

two dozen flour tortillas

hunk of cheese

two loaves of french bread

wheel of brie

strawberries, grapes, several cans of whipped cream

case of coke

case of dr. pepper

case of diet pepsi

case of diet coke

six bottles of merlot

dozen hot dogs

six bags of a variety of chips

two bowls of planters peanuts

tums, tylenol, gallons of bottled water

you should always have at least one really good, really new dance mix cd that you made personally and can talk about at length. but dont unless youre comfortable being a geek.

you should also have bacon eggs and milk in case theres an overnight guest. or two.

if you dont pick up all of these items on your way home from work on friday night, murphys law will state that on saturday night whatever is missing will become the most necessary at 4am.

have clean sheets, clean towels, a spare pair of clean pajamas, some unopened boxes of cheap toothbrushes, fresh bars of soap, and carpet-to-carpet incase a bong spills.

lately ive been trying to find things that look good on tv but dont suck-in or exclude any guests.

last weekend while in KaZaa i stumbled across a video of madonnas mostly-topless photo shoots for the controversial Sex book. apparentely most of the photos in the book are from film. this video shows lots of the film from shoots with vanilla ice, big daddy kane and naimi campbell, and from the famous nude hitchhiking shot.

what makes this good for parties is that theres nice operetic french music in the background that could be from the late 40s or 50s, but is so charming and peppy that it brings a lite mood to any moment, and madonna looked super hot back then.

but alas, all i had food and beverage wise was a big bottle of amaretto, a couple bottles of red from spain that my true love refuses to drink with me, water and soda.

and made my way out to the poolhouse hammock where ive been spending some of these warm summer nights

clapped twice

and called it a night like a good boy.

jarret house north + aaron clemens + blogblogblog