i want to tell you what an amazing and lucky life i lead

but in some ways i do care what you’d think. and i am nervous that youd think im bragging, because it isnt that. half of my life my jaw is on the ground because i cannot believe what is happening to me, or what im seeing, and im wondering why it all takes place infront of my eyes, and not someone elses, and i scour the blogosphere to see if anyone else is seeing what im seeing and doing what im doing and i dont see it and i try to figure out why me why me in good ways and i think that on the bus to work and i get into work and they say take the day off tony, we’re sick of hearing you cough all week.

and i go, really?

and they go, yeah, enjoy the sunshine.

but i just go right back home and put on my pajama bottoms and walk to the po box and see that theres mountians of fan mail and i go, why me why me.

the host of this website offered to take me to the ball game last night and i had to decline, then he offered to take me down to san diego for some horse racing and that too i had to decline and i felt bad because hes the best.

all my friends are the best.

there are ways to show you how cool they all are and one day very soon i hope to accomplish that but how do you capture that really, and tack on 15 years of experiences?

last night miss montreal took me to elvis thai, then we watched porn.

let me tell you a few things about this girl.

first of all, totally gorgeous, which you have to be to win miss montreal because they send all the ugly girls in montreal back to san tropei.

i ate the tom kha gai.

the contact wearing (blue) teenage thai girl who took my order asked me how spicy i wanted the soup.

i said, i dare you.

it’s great to make the kids do a double take.

and my old girlfriend chris will tell you that it’s great when you ask for fucking spicy soup that they give you fucking spicy soup.

and palms thai on hollywood blvd lived up to the challenge and gave me such spicy soup that i sucked down my beer at a rapid pace and soaked it up with the combo fried rice and i was a happy man.

when miss montreal kissed me goodnight it was only 9:30pm but i was very drowsy and drunk and warm and happy and full and refreshed and happy and as stoked as any fellow would be after being in the presence of such a dynamite girl.

i even considered taking a little nap.


and then karisa knocked on my door wearing a little black miniskirt, tall boots, with tube socks sticking out the top which only made her legs look longer, and a baseball shirt that matched the socks whose arms had been cut off and which was very tight and exposed the belly.

apparently we had a bowling challenge that she was not going to postpone for one additional day, no matter what.

and it was then that i knew what she was up to. she had worn that outfit to distract me while i bowled. i was on to her.

and she giggled and denied it saying that she hadnt done laundry and those were the only clothes that she had left that were clean.

and smiled. and said, hey can we do some absinthe real quick before we jet?

and this morning i woke up and went through my camera and i was shocked to see that she had some glittery eyeshadow on last night. shocked because i had successfully, if thats the word, not really looked at her, especially in the eyes, which was why i won our three game match.

in which karisa bowled a 204 in the final, most drunken game.

only to be topped by my 209, thank you.

which was then topped this morning by having no hangover, thai leftovers in the fridge, and the rest of a friday to do anything with myself that i please.

and now that ive written you, im not sure what to do.

other than sit outside in the sun and maybe get that nap that i had wanted so badly, and foolishly, twelve or so hours ago.

oh, if only some of what was in here was true.

treacher + negrophile + technorati

yes, Americans for War won the Sponsor the Busblog for a year auction.

they won fair and square.

their bid wasnt even that big.

i would like to say “this is what happens when you dont bid.” but thats not my style.

i would like to say, “lets have a recall auction.”

but im not a weasel like lots of people in my state.

trust me, i was just as shocked and freaked out when i got the email from the winning bidder telling me the name of the website that they wanted me to link

for a year

on my beloved, completely anti-war busblog.

plus the winning bid came from an email address from an ivy league school.

and our dear president came from an ivy league school, so that made me nervous.

so then i actually went to the site that i was going to link for a year.

and the design was very professional.

and then i saw a picture of the guy from Phish under the header: Future Targets for War:

Familiarize yourself with the enemies threatening America. Know who we should attack next and why.

and i realized it was a joke.

it was satire.

a satire website had sponsored my sweet blog for a year.

and i sighed a long breath of relief.

and then i inhaled

and exhaled.

and then i thought, i really do live a lucky ass life.

so welcome aboard Americans for War.

congratulations on winning the auction!

Americans For War, LLC