i was depressed.

i felt like i had run a marathon and the end wasnt the end. they didnt have a silver jacket for me they didnt have roses there wasnt a finish line, all there was were television cameras and people saying, keep going, tossing water at me, pressing the buttons on their air horns, cheering, but not really for me, but for anyone.

stupid marathon i said and kept it going.

cursing each step, trying to convince myself that it was all wax on wax off everything meant progress everything meant practice and strength and endurance for the day that it would all have to come automatically because so much else would be getting thrown at you.

at me, that is.

she said is there anything i can do to make you feel better.


do you want me to come over tonight.

fella named kurt had rigged chopper one with aol instant messenger and she did this after she invited herself over


i told her that i wanted to be alone in my misery while i’d practice my golf swing on a cliff over the pacific at the beach house and wishing i was like one of those stolen driving range balls that shot out across the horizon only to soar up for a sec and then peak and drop into the black water and sink sink sink into nowhere.

she asked if i really wanted to be alone and i said i didnt care and then i got reckless and said

get some garters, catholic skirt and some kfc

and she said is that it and i knew something was up cuz she couldnt stand kfc

want me to clean up your house, do your dishes?

so depressed that that didnt even cheer me up.

i pushed the throttle forward and the nose dipped down and i took aim upon the san fernando valley, operator error the reporters would say if they said anything, if there wasnt a car chase to show the people, please be a nice car chase.

she picked him up at the 99 cent store, secret front for the xbi, fairfax division.

now you know why theres two 99 cent stores within a block of each other on fairfax and wishire but lets keep this to ourselves.

black bmw convertible. he hated beemers but he liked her, catholic girl skirt, heels, shoes.

drove through kfc, held hands and listened to zeppelin as they wound their way to the hollywood hills and he muttered that he was a loser and she said did you tivo the cubs game

and he did and she finished her meal and changed into a sexy top and taller heels and went down on him and demanded that he watch the game but his eyes closed and she said the game, watch it, and she went back to being so good

nba cheerleader. total school night.

cubs winning in st louis during the last week in august a game out of first place with good news somewhere in the horizon.

so it wouldnt be today.

and it might not be tomorrow.

but youre still the man.

so much so you cant keep your eyes open half the time anyway.

maybe you just needed some wine she said and he took a sip and rearranged himself.

maybe it was from giving blood.

maybe it was from being dumb.

but whatever it was from, it went back there and it left our hero focused on the present

in a big way.

some girl + jaime + chinomikan + aint no bad dude

i havent made it through the wilderness.

i havent made it through anything.

i made it through the morning, but just barely.

i was up till 3:30am last night busting my hump putting together that photo essay and it doesnt seem like any of you kids liked it.

oh well, karisa, i guess youre over the hill.

just like me and madonna.

guess we’ll all just have to hang out on the front porch in our rocking chairs drinking 40s and waving at the neighbors who walk by slowly with their hands behind their backs and nod in our direction.

more country time, madonna?


other day i was in a rocking chair with madonna and we were thinking of fun video games for adults.

we wanted to make this one called Cat Fight.

two hookers square off in a sort of Soul Calibur / Mortal Kombat game but instead of Kill moves with swords they’ll whip out a dildo or an electrocutable vibrator and super vibrate the girl in the private area.

crazy bonus rounds that i feel guilty even thinking of right now, but that madonna sure has a dirty mind.

ok, i’ll tell you this one.

remember the game Tapper where you had to get beers to all these thirsty guys?

ok, the hooker has to go to each guy in a chair and get them hard but when then take care of the others before they get too soft and walk away.

keep everyone hard and you get a bonus.

or a super power disguised as a fur coat or a spikey shoes.

i know we’re dumb, but it was fun.

uppity negro + sara k smith

i almost died today.

dear prospective employers, i nearly died today.

crazy lady busdriver ran not one but two red lights this morning blazing down wilshire.

im not exactly sure what her rush was since there were two red busses ahead of her a few blocks and three behind her. we too were on a red bus. the Rapid. and apparently she was living up to the name.

first red light was a yellow that turned red within plenty of time for her to stop, but no, she went through it without braking or speeding up at all. that made me think maybe she didnt see it.

but then on the very next light, plain as day red, red thinking about turning green but not through thinking yet.

lady didnt care, she finished doing the thinking for it and decided it was a green light. we went through that intersection and i was all, im gonna die.

all day long i chase guys with guns, break down doors that could be boobie trapped, fist fight with guys who have spent most of their lives in jail, and still i hardly ever think im going to die.

this morning i was sure someone was going to cross the intersection with their car and slam into our bus and send me careening head first through a pole in the bus and then people would publish this busblog into a book and it would be a best seller, and my mom would be proud, but the millions would be bittersweet. hopefully more sweet than bitter.

please hire me before i end up tomato soup on the side of the road.

i have so much love to give.

when i was sixteen my buddy todd used to blow off stop signs.

we lived in the sticks in illinois so you could see for miles that no cars or trucks or busses werent coming to the intersection and he wouldnt even slow down, he would just bust right through it. and when youre sixteen its sorta thrilling.

in a stupid teenage midwestern bored out of our skull way.

if i had died today at least i wouldnta had to do all the work i have to do. which is thankless. and miserable.

if i had died today at least i wouldnta had to do my dishes which are piling up because my maid gave birth a month ago and i feel weird asking a momma to get away from her newborn to clean up my crappy casa.

if i had died today i wouldnt have to watch any more of this ridiculous governer’s recall election thing. the same one that inspired my photo essay of a few weeks ago, which apparently is the biggest hit in sweden. if you look at my site meter, it seems that people are forwarding an email and in the email its saying something like, check out this photo essay.

if any of you swedes are reading this and you got the email, post it in the comments or email it to me. translated, preferably, but im very curious whats in it thats bringing people here.

hola, swedes.

in other news, splinkgirl has put her blog on vacation, something that i would like to do at some point but this bus is flying down wilshire as fast as can be and nothing looks like its going to stop it any time soon.

not even sudden death.

dougie gyro + coyote