woke up this morning still depressed

slept through the alarm somehow and didnt know why until i saw that there were some panties dangling from the alarm clock stopping the little hammer from hitting the little bell.

a nice post-it was stuck to the face of the clock from the cheerleader telling me that she hoped i was feeling better and that she certainly was.

but what was that knocking?

was it my door.

stumbled to the door, my computer was still on, the christmas lights were still on, the pie from kfc was untouched. the wine bottle was half full. the glasses, the clothes, the whipped cream, the conffetti, the hoop of fire were all spread out on the bear skin rug. stubbed my toe on the empty can of silly string.

stupid silly string.

answered the door, hoped it wasnt the sherriff serving me with another phony balogna summons, and it wasnt the sherriff at all, it was miss montreal. her tiarra sparkling in the morning sun.

hi tony.

hi miss montreal.

may i come in?

but of course.

why do you look so frowny?

m’ depressed.

how come?


she removed her sash and stepped over the fuzzy ski boots and gave me a real nice hug.

didnt work.

she kissed me behind my ear, nibbled. told me i looked good in the morning.


dug her nails slightly into my back and raised her knee up my pajama leg and told me that she could drive me to work and therefore maybe we could have a happy morning.

i told her i wasnt interested.

she dragged her teeth across my collarbone and then up my neck and slithered her tounge behind my ear and said hey whats this.

i said what.

she said this dial.

i was all what dial.

she said its pointed to Depressed as Hell.

i fumbled to whatever it was that she was touching on the back of my neck and she said let me look let me look. i let her look.

she said whoa theres lots of settings. who did this to you?

i hadnt told her about the xbi.

i said, is there one that says Normal?

no, i see, Happy, Grumpy, ooooooo Sexy. Suicidal… what? Homicidal? babe what is this?

you dont see a Normal.

im telling you, no.

turn it to Happy then.

and she switched it, stepped back and just like that

i was back.

we humped like bunnies and she drove me to work and the whole way in i was singing bruce springsteen songs while she laughed at me.

wanna see the mtv awards with me tonight she asked.

why, yes. yes i do.

bloopy + gnome girl + ginger

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