she said, what you have to do tony is find three projects

Hollywoodland that you can do. for ten thousand dollars each. i liked her ideas. she believed in me. i didnt know why. all i ever did around her was write poems in the ads of magazines and drink rum. she was playing with the wax that dripped down the tall skinny candle. she popped her gum when she chewed it.

i was all i cant live on thirty grand in hollywood.

she said quit eating out so much and buying all those baseball cards.

i could hear celebrities uncensored in the next room on the big tv. they said the name of the guy she used to date and she froze in order to hear better.

the new air, talkie walkies, was on the boom box. only peice of sony i ownie.

one of those sports boomboxes with extra tough plastic around everything which is good cuz im hard on things.

sony needs to make a sports


super tough, yellow, indestructable, and who cares if it gets dinged.

id buy the sony sportscar.

but id also want a sony mp3 playing cd player in that bad boy.

and she said, see, that idea is worth ten grand.

and then we made lust like seals.

flagrant is awesome, i would be her publicist

from my comments

about howard stern censorship america, etc.

by ambra

Cry me a river. Conservative morality is being [shoved] down peoples throats? Hardly compares to the Liberal agenda shoved down most peoples’ throats when they turn on most major television networks, go to public school, or try to see a movie.

The point is, LOTS of stuff is being shoved down people’s throats from all different directions. No single political party is wielding the sword here.

You better believe that Democrats are just as strategic if not more at getting their message across in convoluted ways. Political parties are just evil. All 100 of them. No good can come from “group think”.

Stop all the whining and just be thankful you can actually make a choice politically. There’s always someone worse off than you. It’s easier for us to feel better about our own lack of productivity by blaming everything on the big bad government.

Americans make me sick. Myself included. (Yes that’s right, I make myself sick). We’re so lazy, but we can somehow manage to post on our blogs how much we hate the government or how disenfranchised we are. Meanwhile, the average immigrant can come here and make twice as much money as we do, own 6 businesses, and manage to raise their kids to replicate the process. Why? Because they recognize that authority is authority and they can bitch and moan but it’s not going to change their situation. They actually DO something in spite of the government. So I say, we’re full of excuses and I think it’s a load of crap. People need to step outside of themselves. How does what we do as individuals impact the same issues we complain about. In spite of our problems, we’re freakin’ blessed to live in a country like America and that shouldn’t be forgotten. Whoever catches that revelation will be the most successful in life. Period.

ambra | Email | Homepage | 02.27.04 – 10:00 pm |

heres the thing

i dont want to write about politics. i dont want to write about how i hate the president of the united states.

i dont want to ever write anything about how america has flaws.

but you people make me.

and by you people i mean you people who allow this shit to continue to happen.

no the sky isnt falling, duh. no my tin hat isnt being refitted because of my new haircut.

my tin hat is made of tin and therefore is adjustable. bitches.

but you cannot deny that there is definitely a conservative morality being shoved down the throats of an america who did not vote for the current administration and im sorry but it isnt an american agenda.

pro-war despite no proof of threat, anti-gay despite no proof of threat, anti-nipple despite no proof of threat, anti-free speech despite no proof of threat, pro-halliburton, pro-patriotact, pro-high gas prices, pro-racist judges… thats not american. and i dare say that thats not even republican.

its repugnant.

howard stern did not do anything illicit or racist or offensive or illegal the other day. if he hadnt been dropped from those stations, his show the other day wouldnt have even been considered controversial.

what happend the other day was a company that owns 1,995 more radio stations than it should violated a contract.

what happened the other day was Clear Channel made up a No Tolerance Policy and yanked a radio show before even explaining what it was not going to tolerate.

what happened the other day was censorship inspired by the FCC which is an arm of the current administration and the SON of the Sect’y of State.

any idiot who says that the issue isnt with the gov’t , that it’s with the FCC or Clear Channel has its blinders on too tight.

republicans are supposed to be pro-business. pro-profit. less government interference. howard stern made tons of money for Clear Channel and everyone else that he worked for. and he did it legally.

what went down yesterday should have riled up a lot more Republicans than just Rush Limbaugh.

i hate that it riled me up because i had lots of stories to tell you about all the pussy i got.

instead i had to focus on this bullshit.

which is bullshit because this too will pass.

no i dont think that this republic is in permanent trouble. no i dont think that this is the end of the world.

i am sure that the pendulum will swing back and people will actually fight for a mans freedom of speech.

what bothers me is how many truly intelligent people have just allowed the basic rules of how government works to get royally assfucked starting with the hanging chads and continuing through to what happened to the king of all media yesterday.

and you sit there.

and you chortle cuz its not happening to you.

let hillary not get the popular vote and watch rush’s head explode.

let rush get his show yanked over something totally legal and watch drudges head explode.

you motherfuckers nearly had conniption when bill clinton got a little tail. you wanted his ass fired and you applauded when our congress stopped everything to put his ass on trial.

this was during a time of great abundance in this country and you fucks ran him out for getting some.

you had investigators all up in his shit for a thousand personal, worthless, bogus nitpickings that had nothing to do with the country and you loved it.

now we have a president and a vice president who are doing things to this country and to the people that is far more outrageous than lying about blowjobs.

and you sit there.

and you comment and tell me to grow up.

and some of you dont even say anything.

id tell you to fuck off but ive used all my fuck yous for the week yesterday.

those of you who agree with me, thank you. not thank you for agreeing, but thank you for saying so.

now do the next best thing and not only vote these bums out, but inspire just one or two of your relatives and loved ones to vote these bums out too.

and then i can go back to writing about what my fingers smell like.

which is what everyone wants me to do anyway.

myself included.

17 seconds + children of the night + zulieka

george you ignorant slut.

i hate you.

fuck you.

fuck you and the people who think like you because what you want to happen to this country isnt american.

american is being courageous enough to believe in human rights and free speech and the idea of less government and protection of the minority just the way our slave-owning rich white male forefathers laid out.

fuck you for thinking that people need protection from words on the radio or nipples on tv. fuck you for pretending that you think that people need protection from these things because i know how hard you partied in college and i dont even think that you believe that people need protection from nipples.

what we need protection from is government.

what we need is protection from power hungry moralists who dont even read the bible but thump it.

what we need is protection from war-mongreling oil-hungry liars and phonies who send our kids to war to “free” a country when our country is becoming less and less free.

fuck you george bush who only wants freedom to the rich and powerful.

fuck you for not saying fuck you to the congresswoman who lied to the head of viacom after the superbowl incident.

she got on tv and got in front of her committe and she said that she was visiting her mother on superbowl sunday. she said that she has a “sports fanatic 10 year old” who asked for “special permission to watch the super bowl”. fuck you for not calling bullshit right there, for what kid needs to ask for special permission to watch a football game in the middle of the day.

fuck you for letting that fucked up woman decide what is right for me and my friends and my neighbors and whatever kids i may or might not have.

fuck you for letting this happen because you dont listen to howard, because you dont like nipples on your tv, because you arent interested in freedom.

fuck you for having a drunken drugged out youth and letting your daughters have a drugged out drunken youth but you seem not to want anyone else to have any fun.

fuck you for fucking our economy. fuck you for letting gasoline prices skyrocket. fuck you for making us even question the fact that gas prices are so high and you’re from a family of oilmen.

fuck you for letting your vps former company be the number one financial benefactor of this dirty war that you sent us into.

fuck you for your bullshit sneers that dont intimidate anyone and only make us laugh at you.

fuck you for allowing censorship in america based on an unregulated monopoly in the making called Clear Channel.

fuck you for stealing that election and sneaking in two extremist judges into the appeals court this month.

fuck you for making america look like germany in the 40s.

fuck you for stifling the good thing that this country once had called freedom.

fuck you for pretending like youve done enough good things to warrant your re-election.

not only to i wish ill on you but i hope it happens on over-the-air tv

and i hope that a witness nearby is near a microphone

and i hope that he or she screams a jubilant

fuck yeah.

and i hope the ill comes slowly and twisted

in color

in 5.1 dolby


right before a gay wedding.

rush defends howard stern + chokey chicken + corvids play tonight

yesterday howard stern got dropped

by six Clear Channel radio stations, apparently because a caller asked ex-Paris Hilton beau, and sex-tape costar, Rick Salomon if he had performed oral sex on any famou black women or hispanic women.

the caller dropped the N-bomb instead of saying “black” and used a derrogatory term for hispanic.

then the caller asked salomon if it tasted like watermellon.

as offensive as the exchange might be, how is it Stern’s fault that the caller used racist language? especially when Stern immediately rephrased the question “have you ever banged a famous black woman or hispanic?”

stern’s last fine came 9 years ago. currently he wasnt in any trouble with the fcc, and im not aware of any time that a show was fined or dropped due to the comments of a caller.

in an entirely unrelated note, tuesday stern said that while on vacation he read Al Franken’s Lying Liars book and it made him believe that anyone who read that book would never vote for Bush again.

then he said that he will vote for anyone except bush.

somewhere theres an angry drunken dwarf rolling in his grave telling colin powell’s son, michael, the head of the fcc, to go and have sex with his mother.

yes you can have standards by which you chose to run your business. and you should. but if i got on rush limbaughs radio show today and asked him the very same thing that howard’s caller asked his guest, rush isnt going to be dropped from any markets.

conservative talk show hosts who lie and exaggerate and do drugs while being on the air is apparently decent.

taking a call on the air (which yesterday was heavilly monitored in the wake of the FCC warning stations that obscene broadcasting would be dealt with in a more strict manner) however is suddenly indecent and punishable by immediate termination. no warning. no pre-set written guideline. no nothing.

stern couldnt have had better luck yesterday.

now all ears will be on him.

his show will become increasingly more popular.

as jeff jarvis wrote yesterday he will probably soon be a star on satelite radio which is unrestricted by fcc rules.

and depending on which satelite radio system offers him a deal, he will be richer than ever before, and more powerful than any talk show host in history.

because if i was howard i wouldnt just ask for a few million dollars to broadcast his adult orientated show on sirious or xm radio, i would ask for a percentage of the company.

and with this sort of priceless and on-going free publicity, if i was one of those fledgling start-ups, i would give it to him.

f jackie.

entire 2/25 show here (BitTorrent required) + fark thread + metafilter thread

i know im being tested

i know life cant be this hard for everyone. i know i dont deserve this or fucked up this bad that im paying for this. i dont know what im supposed to do. i dont know who im supposed to be. i dont know why these phones wont stop ringing. i cant stop the emails. i cant even take my 15 minute government mandated break. but im going to do it and im going to vent and i hope the rain comes and floods this fucker and i hope that im under all of it and i hope you never have to read anything like this again.

i hate this thing that im stuck in. i hate it. do you understand that four letter word. its true its real its black and white. im not sure if this situation im in is supposed to inspire me to do something else. but its not. im not sure what will inspire me to do something else. i dont know who im supposed to pretend to be in these moments.

i am a man who is dynomite under pressure but hours and hours of pressure become tiresome. especially when its ridiculous pressure. worthless pressure. dumbass pressure. pressure for no reason. if you have three women being held hostage in a torture chamber under a historic bar in hollywood and fifteen wackos who barely speak english strung out on a chrystal meth binge and far too much ammo and super huge guns then you will see me at my best. i can talk smoothly and clearly and funny and hot.

but put me in hours of bs ontop of bs with bs dripping from the ceilings and if after ive used my superhuman skillz and all that ends up is business as usual then i get extremely frustrated.

asteroids taught us in what, 1980 that the hyperspace button isnt always reliable. it is the last resort. you can die if you hit hyperspace even once. why do they want me to hit it 12, 13 times a day. why do they want me to fly hard and shoot as many things as possible. why wont they just let me sit in the middle and carefully aim and carefully shoot.

why wont they just let me die.

all i want is to be able to do what everyone in the world knows that i should be doing. which is write to you. all i want is to be someone who just sits around in his pajamas and drink rum and teach the children well. all i want is to have a cuban girl to talk dirty to and a hippie girl to flirt with and a college girl to dream about. all i want is everything and what i am with now is the epitome of nothing. its worse than nothing. its the swirling mass of dumbness that defines the black hole of nothingness. what i have is dumb. what i make is dumb. who i am is dumb. what i know is dumb.

today i got off the bus and walked the five blocks to the xbi hq and i saw a pack of people in their business suits. they were going to the ihop. they had their notepads. they had their white shirts and their ties. i looked at them and i said fucking sellouts. i looked at them and i said to myself that if i ever have kids and if i ever have a house i can tell those kids that daddy didnt sell out to get them their house. that integrity means something more than square-footage and that there are exceptions to every rule and their poppa was that exception and since they were mine then they too were the exception and selling out isnt what you have to do to get what you want.

and nobody in that pack looked smart and nobody in that pack was going to change the world and everyone in that pack looked like everything that i didnt want my life to look like and it was way more than looks. it was everything.

then i walked past a gym and i saw one guy leave there in half a business suit and i said sellout to myself. then i saw another guy in a dress shirt and dress pants and a briefcase and i said sellout to myself and i saw the guys who take a squeegie to the side of our marble building and i said you at least you work for a living and you can go home to your kids and say that you did bullshit but and then i stopped myself and i thought that if that guy was offered the briefcase businesssuit sellout white tie power breakfast listen to the boss talktalktalk opportunity he would drop his long squeegie immediately and buy those 6 kids a new minivan and hed be the happiest ex squeegieman in america.

the test is how low must i go till i tell the wrong people the wrong answer which is yes my fucking soul is yours. yes i will dress up like people tell us we’re supposed to dress up like and yes i will give you my love for a small sack of shekles.

and after the flood there will be mud. and i thank you for letting me vent.

katie + big dump truck + gorilla mask

karisa and i did laundry last night.

but before we did we went to Zankou chicken. then we went to the drug store and picked up a twelver of pacifico.

as we were walking through the aisles karisa, who hasnt seen me in a while, said how young i look now that i have no afro.

i told her she was funny.

we got to the cashier and he asked to see my i.d.

karisa said, see.

i slid my atm card through the machine and the guy was still looking at my drivers license and he was doing the math and he said, i cant believe this.

i said, i cant believe it either.

i typed in my pin number and said, twenty dollars cash back please.

and he was still looking at my drivers license and then back at me.

he was all, how do you do it.

i said, drink beer, eat chicken, and hang out with the hottest girls in america.

i wasnt about to show him my passport. i had laundry to do and i really am 110 years old.

and what was he doing looking at me instead of karisa who looked a little better than i did, to say the least.

so we ate, drank our beers, watched most extreme elimination and did laundry.

i love karisa.

im always happy to hang with her.

even when she flashes me her belly to “prove” to me that shes getting fat.

making me spill my beer.

a mile away prince was playing a secret show for the press to announce his upcoming tour.

chas + darren + kevin holtsberry isnt afraid to say he’s against gay marriages

in order to stop the emails,

i will admit that yes, ive been spotted out and aboot with a certain canadian playboy bunny.

often you hear me say how lucky i am.

i dont mean at the track.

havent been home in two days. im in my pajamas. ive just read some of the buzz machine, who i trust regarding politics. i dont know why. i just do.

in the mailbox today: the latest maxim magazine with eliza cuthrough whatever her name is hottie from old school and 24, my copy of The Five Biggest Lies Bush Told Us About Iraq by nexus alum chris scheer and his pa bob scheer, and a cd-rom of sexy pics of mindy formerly of 5ilver and now voxura, and a sweet postcard from italy.

going out: a nice package to mr chokey chicken and aaron from mist featuring my afro and some additional surprises because when people win your auctions they should always get a lil something extra. im thinking maybe some rookie basketball cards of some famous athletes.

plans for the night: laundry with karisa.

what the hells going on inthat picture? its tomdog’s kleenex dispenser

wearing: flannel shirt, pajama bottoms that says “sugar daddy” with pictures of the candy.

whats on the tv: shockingly nothing

whats on the radio: zip

whats in the iTunes: rare silence

current condition: still in shock about the raw talent of tsar as witnessed last night at the good hurt

probability that the cubs will win the world series: ridiculously high

cd to play while enjoying a nice hot shower: the darkness permission to land

i have 11 minutes of my government mandated 15 minute break

now i only have 3 minutes.

all i want to say is george bush is being gay about this gay marriage thing. hes not even being gay cuz gays are opened minded. why would he want to shoot himself in the foot about this. did anyone ask his opinion? does he think he will get votes off this?

repubs who would be in favor of a ban on gay marriages are already on their knees to george w. and they’d stay there regardless if he kept quiet on this issue.

so all hes going to do is piss off the reagan democrats who might have switched over, but now theyre just going to think hes a royal dick.

isnt the party who is supposed to be interested in less government the Repubs?

why do they care so much who marries who? and if they are the self-appointed moral compass, wouldnt they rather that people marry each other as opposed to romping around eternally single and reckless and free?

gay marriages do nothing to this republic except proclaim to the world that the usa truly is the home of the free and the home of the brave. denouncing these marriages sends a loud signal to the world that we might be leaders in economics and military and technology, but we are centuries behind in social issues and quote unquote morality.

this president of ours, if we care about how we look, makes us look ridiculous.

he doesnt stop people who dont even know each other from getting married on tv during a prime time game show

and yet he’s going to stop people, some of whom have been together for most of their lives, from being recognized legally as a couple.

fuck you george bush and your tyrannical old school fucked up beliefs.

fuck you for throwing those ideas on people who didnt ask for your opinion.

fuck you for not representing the majority of america who dont care who the hell marries each other, and if they did they wouldnta made My Big Fat Obnoxious Wedding a bigger tv hit than the series finale of Sex in the City.

i am so happy that this came up this year and at this time because it will be the nail in the bush coffin.

and im stoked that nail will be pink.

splink + sk smith + wheres rupaul on this issue?

last night was a rock n roll hollywood night.

as recorded my stomach was giving me problems. most blame can be put on the pre-made Ralphs roast beef sandwich i ate for lunch. i worked late. super hot girl picked my ass up. i was still clutching my gut and releasing wind. she asked if she wanted to go to her condo and take a shower. i said no. she said what if we ask her landlord for some wacky tobbacky. i told her i didnt touch drugs. she said but if youre sick its medicinal. i really needed to go to this show cuz i had told so many people about it. so i let her take me there. i took the meds. i ate a piece of bread and we drove to culver city/venice.

half way there i was on top of the world. all was good in the hood.

the Good Hurt club looks like a clubhouse in Iowa. it feels like the party place on the good side of the tracks of flashdance. it doesnt have a full bar. it doesnt have captain morgans. it doesnt have a lot of things. it did have beer vodka and whiskey. and last night it had tsar.

the best band in the universe.

you know a band is great when their bass amp keeps unplugging and they still rock. they were also funny.

many of the kids i brought had never seen the worlds greatest band and i felt sorta embarrassed when i saw the club. and how empty it was. and how the opening singer, alligator dave, was a glorified david allen coe straight off the boardwalk. but everyone got it. everyone saw that this was a dynomite band no matter the circumstances.

tsars new songs were on fire. their old songs filled the blanks and their smoke machine reminded the kids that rock spelled upside down is tsar.

since my tummy was lined with pepto i drank many vodkas straight and downed several beers. and since i hadnt eaten, after the show me and hot babe drove to west hollywood’s ihop. she had the eggs and bacon and i had the chicken fried steak which came with mashed potatoes and broccoli, and blogosphere, i cleaned my damn stoned midnight post-club plate.

and then she took me back to her condo and molested me.


and in the morn she loaned me some boxer shorts and sox and today im here.


for your asses.

bing + bastard family + bastich