dear eddie van halen

i hear you’re going to get the band back together.


summer tour, on the road, doing the old tunes, sneaking a few new ones in… awesome.

whooo fucking hooo.

but please do us all a favor. please bring back diamond dave.

and please kick sammy to the curb.

unless of course you hate your fans and only want to pander to the fratboys who will raise their coors lights to you as you jet around the country playing in outdoor arenas at $50 a head churning out all those horrible songs you wrote with the red rocker post 1984.

by the way, fuck you for OU812, For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, Balance and all that other weak ass pop shit that wasnt pop or metal but basically Lita Ford cover songs sung by men who have lost the will to rock.

didnt you get the message when God came down from the heavens and struck you with throat cancer: BRING DAVE BACK!

didnt you get the message when your wife of a million years left you?

she fell in love with you, like we all did, when you were wearing those ridiculous outfits, those long socks, and finger tapping your way into our hearts.

there has never been any true love for Sammy Hagar or Montrose. who you kidding?

i’ll say it here and i’ll say it till my ‘roids burst: Fuck Sammy Haggar. and im not alone in my opinion.

of course David Lee Roth is a pain in the ass, and he’s and asshole, and hes a potsmoking doubletalking weirdo.

hello, thats what we like in our rockstars.

seems to me that aerosmith didnt do so bad with their wackjob singer or the stones for that matter.

do you really think those doctors removed that cancer so that you could present those organ grinder synth laced medicore vanhagar shit to guys with their shirts tucked in who nod in unison?

my guess is no.

my guess is they hoped that the two guys who owned Hot For Teacher, Unchained, Everybody Wants Some, and Panama would come back and bust rock a new asshole.

id see the Darkness play 20 times before i saw Van Haggar remind me that life isnt fair, that dreams die, that rock is dead, that the best band of my youth has turned into a bunch of fucking losers.

id see Poins play 10 times before i saw Sammy Haggar fuck Jump up for me. let Aztec Camera sing it instead. let Morrisey sing it. Anyone but Sammy Haggar.

eddie, you havent changed the world in 20 years. you havent wowed rock since before half of the people who should be buying your records were born.

in an improbably move, youre worse for america than our sitting president. youre more dangerous to music than the terrorists are to air travel because if you go on tour with Sammy and sell out it will give the kids the impression that washed up recycled heartless soulless non-rocking bullshit is kosher, and its so not kosher i almost want to follow your tour around the nation and protest it.

i dont care what david lee roth did to you. i dont care how annoying he is. i dont care how many times he gets popped in washington square park with a joint, he is the left hand of 80s rock and you are the right hand, but right now youre just the cock.

please remove yourself from sammy’s mouth and give me back what is rightfully mine

van halen circa 1982 when everyone bowed down in awe to your ass.

your pal,


graham + aaron c. + david

the week in rock in LA

march 26 – april1


new edition, keith sweat: universal

reel big fish, aquabats: henry fonda

dolorean: knitting factory

christopher cross: house of blues


ice-t with body count: key club

rudy ray moore: little pedro’s

loudon wainwright III: mccabes

the get up kids: troubador

the church: house of blues

leftover salmon: knitting factory

frank sinatra, Jr.: the canyon


the used, sugarcult, goldfinger, story of the year, others: oak canyon ranch

d.o.a.: malibu inn

spazzmatics: dragonfly

the evangenitals: mr. t’s bowl

jackson browne: lobrero theatre (santa barbara)


prince: staples center

modest mouse: house of blues

static x, prong: roxy

the von bondies: troubador

abe lincoln story: spaceland

joey shithead; knitting factory


story of the year: avalon

static x, prong: roxy



the breeders (pictured), lou barlow, har mar superstar: spaceland

star fuckers: cat club

liars: troubador

john wesley harding: largo

(hed): whisky

porn star Houston: club vodka

noah glass + goldtoe + gnome-girl

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

starring Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, and Kirsten Dunst

written by Charlie Kaufman

directed by Michel Gondry

the problem with most critics is they’re easilly fooled. for example, just because Adaptation. was better than 95% of the movies that came out doesnt mean that it was good. interesting looking dog turds are still dog turds, doesnt matter what evil genius produced it.

the eternal sunshine of the blah blah blah isnt a dog turd. but it does have a rotten poop right in the middle of it that most people are going to be willing to overlook because it was created by a screenwriter who Might become a genius once everyone stops kissing his narcisistic ass.

i recommend that you see this movie, but im not going to rave because it doesnt deserve to be raved about. yes it is creative and different and interestingly shot, and Very well acted. but its flaws are huge and easilly corrected if only someone had the nads to speak up and tell charlie that he’s off the map.

he’s right on the money in so many ways, as was the director, as was the casting, that it only makes the mistakes that much more glaring and unbelievable.

my girlfriend kristin dunst is adorable in this, my boy jim carrey shows that once again – as in The Truman Show – that he can be “serious” and be just as good as any dramatic actor – and kate winslet continues to amaze and impress.

special kudos has to go to whoever the music coordinator was who got beck to contribute to the soundtrack. if the fucker is going to be all droney and somber the best place for him to be is on movie soundtracks where that shit flies.

heres what i want charlie kaufman to do: i want him to team up with spike lee. spike is crazy, but his storylines dont have any gaping holes.

then i want charlie kaufman to do a trilogy with spike jonez.

then i want charlie kaufman to take a year off and chill

then i want charlie kaufman to make a star wars movie with george lucas.

then i want charlie kaufman to make a batman movie with tim burton.

then i want charlie kaufman to make Blues Brothers 2001 where the ghost of John Belushi beats the fuck out of Dan Ackroyd and Jim Belushi for the first half of the movie for making blues brothers 2000, and then they go into space eat acid and reinvent punk rock

in space no one can hear you say oi.

then i want charlie kaufman to let me direct snoop dogg in iceberg slim’s pimp.

and im telling you right now. there will be no gigantic flaws in our shit.

roger ebert fucking wished he could write reviews like me

after the debauchery + Lick got a positive review in Suicide Girls +

people praise the busblog and they should.

some think they should be praising it more.

but not many people know about the little things that happen behind the scenes that are actually not little at all, theyre huge.

oftentimes i have technical difficulties on this page. sometimes they have to do with the way ive coded the blog.

yesterday Sitemeter was making the page load even slower than normal so i took the code out.

today i put it back in and i did it in a sloppy way that screwed things up even more.

i looked through the knowledge base and when i couldnt find the answer i emailed the good people behind the curtain.

within minutes, people, MINUTES, i had a lovely techincal support person fixing my problem and before i could say fuckmovablefuck my shit was fixed.

just another reason why im down with Blogger 4 Life!

and cuz they started this gangsta shit.

and cuz they once sent me a nice hoodie.

and cuz their shit gets me laid.

and cuz theyre nice.

there is no better support than Blogger Support, i should know, i worked for many years for a company that provided outsourced technical and customer support for web sites. thats where i met karisa.

Blogger Support totally rules.

another behind the scenes angel is mr. oswald p tyler, cheif ceo of nothing special network systems, who hosts the busblog at a nominal fee.

mr os couldnt be cooler and nicer and friendlier and i dont think i thank him enough for what he has done for me and our friends.

this blog and my site hardly ever goes down. and if it does its for little blips of time. i heart mr os and im eternally grateful for his support.

if any of you are considering hosting solutions, please consider Nothing Special, they kick ass. just ask mr matt welch, mr ken layne, or rock group tsar, or any of the other dozens of sites that NSNS hosts.

i also need to thank my true love, my honeys, and my friends who always give me constructive criticism about my stuff on here. but i especially want to thank the lovely ladies who sit on my lap in my closet and read my masterwork outloud to me so i can hear how it sounds from the mouths of babes.

that shit is priceless to me, and it might seem narcisistic but its super important, because when people read good smooth shit aloud it naturally flows. if its confusing it doesnt flow. and sometimes i want it not to flow but normally i want it schmoove.

unlike this post.

anyway thank you blogger support. thank you mr os. thank you kim my lawyer. thank you my friends. thank you my readers. thank you hotties. and thank you good Lord for letting me be born during this magical time.

blogger + kimbalina + sk smith